Someone said I should gank more. My bad. Here are some mga oso, eradicated between November 1 @ 00:00 and November 8 @ 15:35.
***
Elena Niminen is the sister of Overmind Niminen, but she’s no ordinary goofus. I have it on good authority, that she is the alt of Fraternity’s glorious leader. Amazing. This nullbear tried to take a shortcut through Highsec, but CODE. agents were standing by, with an elite squad of Imperial stormtroopers. Great job team! Speaking for James 315, let me just say how much we value and respect our friends in Goonswarm.
***
Asja Gor attempted to smuggle garbage into Highsec, with intent to distribute. Look here nullbears, Highsec is not some third-rate pawn shop! The wind came from the north and blew her away. Go away Asja, we don’t want your junk (but we are keeping it). If anybody ever asks, whether ganking is profitable, just give them a weird look.
***
anavel physalis is another lazy bear, who can’t even capitalize his own name. Ever since I became the official executor of the mighty CODE. alliance, I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing personnel files, attempting to determine who is worthy. Let me tell you what, at the top of my list are such elite agents as MrDiao, Ulianov, and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM. I’m proud to be in an alliance with such fine individuals.
***
ivanigh Antollare has been a busy little miner, but he didn’t want to purchase a mining permit. He’s been ganked a few times, and knows the law, but he still insists on playing the goblok. That’s just fine. We dunked him (again), and confiscated his ore. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
***
Catweasel is ugly, smells bad, and keeps clawing up the furniture. 8Fold Chelien and Ginger Anne Salt knew what to do with this foul beast.
***
BONUS ART: Someone keeps losing freighters in Uedama.
It’s not easy being zuzzik, but he understands the law, and each time he dutifully pays his Princess the requisite fee of 100 million isk.
I’ll allow it.
Recently, as part of freighter loss therapy, zuzzik beceme an artist.
I woke up, admiring my long legs, in a beam of Uedama sunlight. Jason Kusion poured me a nice cool glass of cucumber water, “Hello, beautiful!” Dolphin Don chimed in, “Good morning, Princess.” Krig added, “Hey, baby.” It was the start of another great day, but I wasn’t sure what to put in my awesome award-winning blog. I undocked in my beloved pink Catalyst, which has 3887 killmarks, and reclined in my premium pod goo. Finally, I checked my email, and realized exactly what I want to do.
This is some unknown indecipherable sub-dialect of… Cebuano?
Doblauks know what will happen, and they just accept it. Such miners are like Seligman’s dogs, exposed to prolonged electrical torture, and they will never escape their learned helplessness. They have become NPC bots.
Jean Mira‘s killboard is a museum of CODE. history. I’ve ganked him several times, and just about everybody dunked him.
Ah, the memories…
Some things just never change.
I’ve always been super popular.
Hi!
I sincerely want to help.
I know what crabs want.
I’m a beautiful woman…
…and a true Princess, fair and just.
I’m also super hot…
…and soo cute.
James loves me so much.
Everybody loves me…
…and I love their attention…
…which they love to give.
I totally deserve a trophy, right?
I’m the best!
=FAKE NEWS ALERT=
Imperium News recently published a terrible article on ganking. Unfortunately, Jurius Doctor didn’t do his homework. I was there when Jurius watched a Bowhead die. He spoke with the miner, but didn’t talk to us? What a lazy journalist!
“When does griefing go too far and start hurting the livelihood and growth prospects of a game?”
I’m not going to waste time, with a point-by-point rebuttal of this inane article, but the author makes a lot of ignorant claims and erroneous assumptions. Did you know that ganking is just a roleplay outlet for rookie griefers? Did you know that mining permits aren’t necessary? Did you know that Goonswarm is way better at ganking, for some mysterious reason? Did you know that ‘Goonswarm’ has recently been able to muster large fleets, with more than ninety gankers? Jurius clearly has no idea what is going on.
“The reason for this is numbers… GSF is able to field ships in numbers.”
Jurius concludes that Goonswarm should seek to earn isk by ganking, but it’s too easy, so freighters should have twice as many hitpoints!
“Just EHP buff the shit out of haulers, transport vessels, and freighters…”
What a goofus!
“…so that the markets don’t entirely buckle, while presenting a tougher nut to crack for those who want high-sec PVP.”
I interviewed the big strong alpha males, with whom I have an intimate relationship, and here is what they had to say about Jurius’ article.
Back when I was just a secretary, I often felt overwhelmed. Everybody wanted to talk with James, and so they would write me. More than one person assumed that I am James, because perhaps James is a beautiful young woman (who just loves killing miners). I don’t know, friend, I suppose it might be true.
What does this mean for the blog? Well, I can’t capture every nuance. The queue of unposted stuff is growing, and I’ll never be able to tell the full story. Regardless, we all know how it ends. The mighty CODE. alliance just keeps winning daily, because there’s absolutely no stopping an invincible juggernaut.
If you are a miner, there’s one thing you should understand. We are coming to kill you, all of you. If you pay us, right now, we just might indulge your little mining fetish. We could even adopt you, as some kind of cute cuckold pet. However, you have been warned. We won’t tolerate any more excuses. This is not the time for debate, or negotiation. You will surrender and submit, or the New Order will extirpate you.
Carebears lead new players astray. They convince them CODE. is a joke, and James is permabanned, gone off to play World of Warcraft with his hot kickboxing girlfriend. They insist that nobody in CODE. has a clue what we are doing, and we are just docked-up roleplayers who eat paint chips. When a miner learns the hard truth, they are often rather upset, and nothing close to calm.
I’m truly sorry about that, but it’s gonna get even worse for you. If you thought losing a barge was bad, just wait until you get into a bigger ship.
They are notorious liars, and cannot be trusted.
Do not suffer the miner. The only appropriate response is to blast them with neutrons, before they can establish a nest. When I wake up in the morning, and I see little Ventures scurrying about, I do what any self-respecting woman would do. I scream, and then I clean house. For some reason, goofuses seem to like this, believing that they gain some financial benefit from systematic extermination.
I intend to biomass the mining caste. I made this clear in my coronation speech. Some crabs claim they can’t understand, because their speakers are trash, or they are partially deaf, and just can’t hear me over the roaring crowd. Let me explain. I’m not doing this for isk, or roleplay. I’m doing it because miners disgust me.
Gobloks often threaten to overthrow me.
I am not concerned about that. Their pathetic self-preservation addiction is nauseating, but it is hardly a threat unto me.
When I’m done with them, they’ll be begging for James.
There’s no shame in quitting.
I’ll help them all.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop us now We’re the renegades of this time and age Since the VCBees and the days of Jihadswarm Right down through the Hulkageddon New Eden kept going through changes From a different solar system, many many galaxies away We are the force of another creation Destroy all miners Destroy all miners Destroy all miners Destroy all miners Destroy all miners Destroy all miners Now renegades are the people They change the course of history Everyday people like you and me We’re the renegades, we’re the people With our own philosophies We change the course of history Everyday people like you and me We’re poppin’, sockin’, rockin’ puttin’ a side of hip-hop Because where we’re goin’ there ain’t no stoppin’ We’re teachers of the funk And not of empty popping
As your Saviourette (yours, and yours), I am pleased to announce a promo contest.
I would never want my actions to conflict with the infallible judgment of James 315, so I cleared this with him via seance, and the ouija planchette pointed at me. I suspected that Kroppina was manipulating the board, but Alt 00 saw it move autonomously. This demonstrates that James truly loves me. I also sat for three hours in a dark room, watching a candle, and it flickered when I whispered his name. Once again, this confirms beyond doubt, that I am the one true heiress to anything and everything.
With great power comes great responsibility, and it is my duty to officially endorse this contest. James wouldn’t want us to merely sit in station, docked up and praising his name ad nauseam. He always detested sycophants, who need him to authorize each and every decision. Nor is he satisfied with those who merely undock and gank. He expects us to be civil, creating art and culture, beyond the bare minimum. I know this, because we are intimately mind melded, forever and ever. Amen.
I agree wholeheartedly. I have absolutely no interest in EVE Online, but I have every interest in the Order. This galaxy was once ruled by a fickle demon, the cheater BoB. James killed this beast, and a swarm of bees emerged from BoB’s dusty hole. In this way, the galaxy finally became interesting, and with the help of the VCBees (and a certain Khanid princess), James saved everyone from eternal boredom.
Once upon a time, Katia Sae decided to visit every star system, and took screenshots to document her journey. This sounds absolutely dreadful, mainly because Katia refused to engage in any actual gameplay. When other spaceships appeared, she would simply log out of her client, waiting for them to go away. In some cases, a stalemate would last weeks, and it took more than a decade for Katia to navigate her tiresome path. CCP likes to celebrate this ‘amazing’ journey, but it’s really just a testament to how incredibly boring EVE can be. Some players literally spend years doing nothing much.
Alani Prinz offers 315 Catalysts, to whomsoever submits the best photo. Since the rules are unclear, I will make them up as I please. Our contest will continue for at least one month, and there must be contestants. Images should be high resolution, and full screen. Furthermore, they must show someone doing something honorable, like piloting a Catalyst or dunking a Venture. As an example, Alani submitted this fine image.
***
Of course, a Saviourette’s work is never done.
Mrs Curtain is a plebeian of Hard Knocks, which rents several wormholes from me. When she accidentally fell out of her hole, Ernst kindly evicted her.
James would be proud, to know that Ernst is still out there, keeping Highsec safe from riffraff and vagrants. Unfortunately, Mrs Curtain did not appreciate his hard work. Instead of paying rent, she tried to scam him!
Ernst is no stranger to wormholes, and he sternly advised Mrs Curtain to speak with her feudal overlord. Educate yoself!
As you should know, Loroseco is a powerful friend in j-space.
If you ever get suspicious, that everyone in the galaxy is conspiring against you, well — they probably are (the exact same people).
They claim that we grief newbros, but with just one day in EVE, Vashda was proud to accept an offer to join my glorious alliance. I’m quite happy to save him from boredom, and once you go CODE, there is no other road.
I’m the best recruiter in CODE. history.
Meanwhile, my Why Was I Ganked? channel remains the galactic epicentre.
It’s a great place to make friends and practice typing.
Some miners struggle to make a good first impression.
Many of them are just happy to meet a nice Lady.
They are often surprised to die in Highsec.
Of course, I’m super scared of lowsec.
Just kidding, it’s a lot easier without CONCORD interference.
Sir Jecht was PvP’d before he even reached lowsec.
***
=BREAKING NEWS=
Purgo has announced another glorious victory. This esteemed agent of the New Order is the first person in history to confiscate an illegal sanguine harvester. These are so new, that killboard doesn’t even have a picture for them. It reminds me of how I was the first person to gank a Thunderchild. Regardless, CCP can feel free to continue adding pointless garbage, and we will take out the trash.
Oh James, I love you so much. All those years I worked as your personal secretary, skittering between office and armory, steering a wide berth around the rowdy barracks, and barely finding time to grab a cucumber from the mess. I didn’t do it for the money, or the fame, but just for you, my Saviour. Those bitter jellybears said I was sleeping my way to the top, but you know how chaste I am. All I wanted was to do my duty, unto my Lord. Even a Princess must serve the New Order, to the best of her ability, such is the law!
I always, always, knew I was destined to inherit Amarr, along with the Minmatar and Ammatar vassaldoms, plus the entirety of the Khanid March, with the Bleak and the Delvian slums, and all those lonely stars which have no name. I was content with that, so when you asked me to be your little Princess, I really had no desire to remain far from home. However, I kind of like being the one true Saviourette of the Order. Of course, the Great Khan Garkeh was delighted to learn his daughter has inherited the Caldari State, the Gallente Federation, and the endless Northern Waste.
It’s been so long since I’ve been able to go home, to Agil III. I miss the sight of a magnetostorm, as it ripples through the methane clouds. I yearn for my hundred ton robotank, with those beautiful particle projection cannons. I want to bring hot cranberry vodka for the infantry, and help them cook Mindflood in the ruins of some old shrine. Living amongst the greedy northern barbarians has really been quite a culture shock, but I confess, you saved me from a dismal fate. Without you, I would have wound up commanding some garrison on the Kamela front, where I might have died of boredom.
Killing people, just to drink their brain goo, that’s normal for us southern girls. They call us blood raiders, but let’s be real, I’m just a simple space vampire. As you might imagine, the Caldari cult of Halaima was utterly alien to me. Bumping people for money? What?! Why don’t we just kill them all? If they pay enough, we can crucify them on a cross of gold! My father despised Gallente terrorists, but you had the divine wisdom to turn Catalysts and Talosi into the very building blocks of our mighty civilization. I don’t know how you did it, but you did, and this is why I praise your name every 15 minutes of each particular day — as required by the sacred laws of the Halama.
Recently, I was super annoyed. This catty miner had the nerve to say I should be killing more miners! Oh really?! I told my friends about this, and we all had a good laugh. Then Zigam and Julian made a little video, which definitely cheered me up. Julian even has his own Youtube channel, and I can tell he doesn’t like carebear plebs!
Anyways, ever since you died, I’ve been praying for a miracle. I’m sure you will undock another Ishtar. Right? We can hunt Orcas together, like old times, and maybe even save the Delve (again)! However, I don’t suppose that’s likely to happen. So I’ll keep trying to kill these miners, as best I can, and hope to see you soon.
She could never know what it’s like My blood, like winter, freezes just like ice And there’s a cold, lonely light that shines from me And did you think this girl could never win? Well look at me, I’m a-coming back again
Once I never coulda hoped to win You started down the road, leaving me here The threats she made were meant to cut me down And if our love was just a circus, you’d be a clown by now You know I’m still standing better than I ever did
So don’t just fade away
Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did?
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a true princess And I’m still standing after all this time I’m still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’m still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’m still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’m still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’m still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’m still standing
Praise James, forever and ever, and pray he will grant upon us his divine blessing, so that we might obliterate our enemies with an endless barrage from which they shalt know our mercy! We must destroy their fleets, and then Khanid will show them the glorious strength of our Army!
Sargon of Amerish has made an amazing triptych, depicting the current state of Highsec and the mighty CODE. alliance. On the left, you can see a goofus antiganker, lagging behind the lovely Princess Aiko (with her trusty submachine gun). On the right, Khanid flametroopers disembark, to help miners see the light. Above them all, James 315 watches from his throne in the Heavens. He is dead, as he has officially confirmed, so that makes him a God King. Right? James flies my spaceship! Amazing!!!
Hahaha, silly antigankers, failing daily!
***
Is this just propaganda? Is the New Order actually dead and gone? It’s hard to say, but let’s check out the killboard, and search for clues. Here are some ਰਿੱਛ, that were stomped on between October 25 @ 00:00 and October 31 @ 23:59.
***
MrUnique Android was a bot, but he was our bot. He was blue to the Imperium, and a proud member of the Goonswarm Federation. However, he decided to betray his fellow Delvians, and left the alliance. As this coward attempted to flee the battlefield, he was caught and summarily executed. Kudos to our glorious heroes: Gallente Citizen I, Yes Mr Cheng, Chad Thundercaulk, Katrl, and uninstall 05.
***
Filo Crendraven wanted to be a fleet commander, so he jumped into a command ship and set sail for somewhere. Unfortunately, he ran his ship unto the neutron blasted shores of Uedama. There, he met a better fleet commanded by Alleil Pollard, Jason Kusion, and Joseph John Thomson. Good fight!
***
Sant1aga Shadi was a member of Silent Company, and went down in flames. Here’s a pro tip: Hillbilly-2000 is a great ganker!
***
D33XX3R heard that CODE. doesn’t shoot ships that can shoot back. He studied Never_C0nvicted‘s double web Kentucky Vindi fit, and prepared to invade Highsec. A few seconds later, D33XX3R was D34D. The usual crowd was there to watch, but everyone was surprised by who got top damage.
***
John N8fall was just a typical Highsec miner, hauling garbage around in his trashmobile. Fortunately, The Highsec Goddess (that’s me) was on duty. What is even happening these days? Is antiganking still a thing, or did they all just give up?
Maybe the antigankers are demoralized?
***
Marti Tachibana went AFK in her cheap Corax, and woke up to Hell Dawn. Even though her High-grade Amulet Epsilon granted a +4 bonus to Charisma, this wasn’t enough to charm her way out of CODE. compliance.
As your official Saviourette (yours, and yours), I am pleased to announce that the mighty CODE. alliance continues to win daily.
That’s right.
This is some high praise!
I’ll allow it.
I like when people pay me to endorse myself.
Tweeps has been funding the alliance for a long time.
I imagine she will continue.
I’d super hate to be on her blacklist. Tweeps has so many alts, like literally thousands. It would be nigh impossible to play EVE, against an enemy who can destroy an entire alliance, without even bothering to login. Fortunately, Tweeps likes the CODE. and that’s part of our secret recipe — we have powerful friends in Highsec.
When I first met Tweeps, people told me to be careful. They said she is a dangerous evil scammer, who would take everything I have. Actually, they had it all backwards. Tweeps is really great, and I’m also like totally invincible. Everyone should strive to be more like Tweeps, and send everything they have to me.
Tweeps celebrated her wise investment, donning a party hat of solid gold, inlaid with diamonds, rubies, emeralds, amethysts, and chunks of pure zydrine.
In the old days, James would tip his own hat, in honor of such tribute. As a Princess, I can offer a slight wave of my hand, and perhaps a little something extra.
As word spread, spontaneous celebration erupted within the sacred Minerbumping channel, where everyone loves me.
Of course, friend.
We also had a big party in Teamspeak.
Everyone was invited. Some people were afraid to come, because they are intimidated by a strong woman, but apparently Aiko is really nice. Everybody enjoyed the opportunity to mix and mingle with their Saviourette, discussing personal goals, and how the OHNO! treasury might benefit their corporation.
Praising spread through every channel in the galaxy.
We had a super swell time.
Eventually, all parties come to an end.
Let’s do it again!
I was trying to decide if I should buy a fifth Titan, and intervene in the war. However, Magalaus Shardani had a much better idea.
