Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Both Malls lost a Venture.
He hates education, business, and cleaning.
He proudly supports Trump 2020.
Both hasn’t finished training his trash talk skills.
I guess he doesn’t like me.
I make him feel nervous and frustrated.
Apparently, if you PvP in a video game, you are an infidel.
He’s a perfect example of the mining caste.
In a galaxy full of men, it’s natural to wonder whether Princess Aiko is actually a beautiful young lady. Is she really the heir to Ibiza? Did her daddy truly buy her a penthouse in Perimeter?
emperor 003 came to Why Was I Ganked? with shocking news. Princess Aiko is actually some guy called Daniel, from Chicago.
Some miners suspect Aiko is too intelligent.
Many were intrigued by ‘Daniel’.
Emperor doesn’t like Chicago.
He also doesn’t like the number 315. He prefers 003.
CODE. is nothing more than a Chicago numbers racket.
After 003 weeks of investigation, he discovered the ‘truth’.
Everyone was impressed.
PLOT TWIST: emperor was theorycrafting.
His credibility began to plummet.
I did a Google, and ‘Daniel’ doesn’t seem to exist. I’ve redacted the surname, but I don’t think this is a real person. Indeed, 003 later denied that he ever included a surname.
He realized I was investigating his investigation. The address in question appears to be a parking lot.
He clearly hadn’t done his homework.
emperor claimed Aiko doesn’t exist, but Daniel doesn’t exist.
Inconceivable! The coup attempt failed.
Princess Aiko was once again hailed as a true lady of Agil.
As for emperor003, it turns out he isn’t even an emperor.
Previously in James 315 Space… Corporal Jimbo used illegal expanders to dangerously overfill his Sigil. When the bubble finally popped, he was none too pleased, and took out his frustrations upon the arresting officer, Cargo Bandit.
After a night in prison, Jimbo wrote a complaint to the Department of Customs.
Corporal Jimbo just wants to play EVE, and looks down on those who do likewise.
Jimbo eventually arrived in court, where Princess Aiko was hearing an adultery case.
Eventually, he had his chance to address the court.
Jimbo denounced the rule of law!!!
Terrorism in game is worse than terrorism in real life!
He also posted a no luck spell upon Aiko!!!!!
Poor Aiko, trapped forever in EVE Online.
Jimbo petitioned CCP to ban tradehub PvP, informing them of CODE. arrogance.
A few moments later, another defendant arrived at court.
Subsequently, Jimbo enjoyed correspondence with his new pen pal, Cargo Bandit.
***
FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:05
To: Cargo Bandit,
okay so how much to u want that I will never see u again?
With your terrorism u really fuck eve up for me, do u know this? Still cant get why u doing such crap
***
Re: FW: Re: really?
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 10:06
An: Aiko Danuja, Corporal Jimbo,
The princess said in a previous discussion that your permit was 180b, if you’d like to discuss terms join the why was I ganked channel.
***
Aw: Re: FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:09
To: Cargo Bandit,
I hope u will leave this game one time. And I will block u now. This is a game a play in my freetime and i dont want to spend another second with your roleplay terrorism sh*t bb I wish to meet you never again
***
Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:09
To: Cargo Bandit,
Dont worry i packed Internal stabilizers in my butthole so u will catch me again gg
***
Re: Aw: Re: LoL
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 12:14
An: Corporal Jimbo,
They won’t help you much. I thought you blocked me?
***
Aw: Re: Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:15
To: Cargo Bandit,
I did, But unblocked u
BREAKING NEWS
CCP Convict was recently cited for illegal mining.
Loyal citizens quickly reported him to the authorities.
Convict only pretends to be a lawful miner.
Bystanders watched uneasily, as Convict began digging unsafely.
Not surprisingly, Convict is a known criminal.
Several bears were concerned Convict might be a victim of cyberbullying. They urged him to move to safe nullsec, where everybody is polite, and nobody pays rent.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.
Cargo Bandit spotted an excessively laden over-dimensional Sigil.
The driver was predictably abusive.
Supposedly, what CCP meant by a game of EVE Online, is that everyone can undock and endlessly AFK as they acquire easy isk. Surely CCP desires a utopia of carebearism, a roleplaying game without any roleplay-police-terrorists. What do you think? Is the CODE. a greater concern than the Chinese xeno virus (aka Wu flu)?
Back at the station, officers listened as the defendant tried to justify his actions.
The charges were most serious, with grave consequences.
Count 1: Transport of illegal contraband, with intent to distribute.
Count 2: Failure to maintain an undock permit.
Count 3: Inappropriate conduct, unbecoming of a Highsec citizen.
To be continued…
Oi, check it. Here be some dumb bunnies, fleeced between October 6 at some time and October 12 at some later time. That’s one week, right? Aight.
***
I recently found CCP Alpha lurking about. During the initial skirmish, I am ashamed to admit, I failed to kill him. I should have brought a blob, cuz all I managed to kill was a nearby Hecate. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. My bad.
Fortunately, Cargo Bandit felt sorry for me, and brought reinforcements.
Here is damning proof that CCP Alpha was AFK.
Like most miners, CCP Alpha is a liar, but at least he appreciates me.
Afterward, he bought a new Endurance, demanded a rematch, and logged off.
***
Juxta Blix is a typical carebear, who thinks New Eden is divided into warring factions. In reality, everybody is united against the bot mining menace. In order to hunt down Juxta, a combined taskforce was formed, representing CODE., Goonswarm, Pandemic Horde, and Did He Say Jump? Are we jumping?
Juxta was feeling a little salty.
It wasn’t clear what side of the war Juxta is on. He blocked me, so I couldn’t reply, but he agreed to a follow-up interview with Whadda Badasaz.
Juxta obviously isn’t upset.
***
Molten Wreck knew the wind was coming from the north, and he assumed this was just the start of another ice storm. However, something went horribly wrong, and his ship is now a… molten wreck. Good fight!
***
Mikhoel Avrom loved his fancy ship, but apparently he wasn’t quite ready to fly it. GAY PRIDE wrecked him BOOOOOM! SICO DOWN!!
***
Svendolina Tuttolo lost a 20 billion isk freighter to the Snuggle Society. After all these years, people still don’t know how to survive in Highsec. That’s not funny.
***
Too Ducky didn’t lose his pod in Highsec, lowsec, nullsec, or some dusty wormhole. He lost his pod in abyssal space, which is also my space. WTF? I guess it’s time to steal mom’s credit card again. Here’s a pro tip: You don’t need all those implants.
Too was probably AFK. They always are.
***
EXTRA CREDIT: Several agents have been practicing forkbomb techniques.
How are you spreading the CODE?
Previously, in James315.Space… Warrior McQueen lost his Mackinaw, and trusted the mighty CODE. alliance to provide him with a new mining ship. The price was right, and the shipping charge was very reasonable, so Warrior agreed to pay and pay. However, he was also feeling a little confused.
Why does the twinkly red star rise high in the night?
Warrior doesn’t understand economics. He’s just a miner.
Warrior was relieved to know his ship (and implants) would arrive soon.
Of course, there is a 30 million isk processing fee.
Warrior wondered whether the fee might actually be 40 or even 70 million.
A friendly hauler contacted Warrior privately, and let him know he could rent a Mastadon for 50 million isk, and avoid paying so many fees.
For some reason, Warrior felt Anaxagoras might be scamming him.
Therefore, Warrior asked to speak with a supervisor.
It was all a misunderstanding.
Oops, a typo.
Like most men, Warrior was starting to feel entitled and bossy.
He just needed to complete payment!
Warrior agreed, it was a fair deal.
No refunds!
That’s right.
Let’s check out what the miners have been writing.
They are generally poor sports.
Crabs need help composing credible threats, with proper spelling and punctuation.
Remember kids, MINER stands for Moron in New Eden REEEEEee!
They really just don’t understand.
Carebears seem utterly confused.
Gobloks have no idea.
We are never going to stop.
Some people say that James is dead and gone forever.
However, always means always.
GANGING IN SYSTEM GANGING IN SYSTEM GANGING IN SYSTEM
So, you know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna kill all these bears.
I’m definitely a
You know it’s true.
Recently, Antilor Ornulf lost a Covetor.
Antilor is not a loser. In time honoured EVE tradition, he becomes a ‘winner’ by the mere fact that he gave up and quit at the first hint of difficulty.
Antilor wrote CCP to thank those who helped him achieve ‘victory’.
In my experience, the majority of ships are fitted in such a way, that the cost of ganking is higher than the value of any loot. Ganking can be profitable, but it’s not profitable to gank indiscriminately. Nevertheless, other than making it financially unsustainable, requiring most ganks to involve multiple people, and providing an insurance program to subsidize miners, CCP has done nothing to disincentive ganking.
Antilor warned CCP that some people use multiple accounts, a shocking claim.
If only CCP would think of the miners, and pod empty ganker capsules.
Antilor wanted to give credit where it is due. In particular, he really likes the sense of satisfaction from selling a killright, and knowing that gankers live in fear. However, he wondered if more should be done. Perhaps CCP should consider adding some sort of ‘faction police’ to the game, so that gankers can’t just loiter in space? Alas, he lamented, CCP just wants people to PvP in a PvP game.
Some people just want to experience the empire building aspect of EVE, without any kind of meaningful PvP. You know, like Farmville.
Antilor concluded by doxxing himself to the very gankers he despised.
Ash Styles provided Tim some helpful tips on how to properly quit EVE.
Antilor was outraged, demanding an Obama style apology tour. However, Ash doubled down on righteousness, and told Antilor exactly what’s up.
I am waiting for Antilor to send me his stuff.
Yesterday, TRUMP-2020 went to the abandoned minerbumping channel. The lights were dimmed, with tarps over the furniture. Dust covered the once venerated Hall of Heroes, and the Great Catalyst was stripped of purple modules. Those sneaky agents… they moved, without leaving a forwarding address!
Our friend soon arrived in the glorious Why Was I Ganked? channel, where she brought dire news. However, court was currently in session, so TRUMP-2020 waited as Princess Aiko and Daniel Konigar debated the legacy of James 315.
Eventually, Daniel fled in disgrace, but the debate continued via intermediary.
Finally, it was TRUMP-2020’s turn to address the Halama. There were audible gasps, as she announced a terrible happening.
Not only would CCP be changing TRUMP-2020’s legal name, but they would ensure the character was utterly unplayable. Rather than applying a usable name, which could be done automatically or by allowing TRUMP-2020 to select another name, she was doomed to become Caldari Citizen 2117948871.
Certainly, CCP has the legal right to censor content in their game, as they see fit. However, this legal right does not imply moral or ethical right. A policy of censorship, applied haphazardly, is no policy at all. It is irrational, and calls into question the intellectual integrity of the censors. Yes, of course, a video-game company has the right to decide that political references should be discouraged. However, the policy is enforced at random, with no opportunity for debate. Instead of communicating with players, CCP has outsourced the discussion to alcoholic nerds on the CSM.
None of these names were offensive. Trump2020 = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok?
The absurdity of CCP’s policy becomes increasingly apparent, as we investigate the kinds of names which are traditionally allowed.
Relatively speaking, TRUMP-2020 isn’t that offensive.
I’ve definitely seen worse names.
You’ve got to wonder who is in charge over at CCP.
Hello?
CREEPY PEDO NIGG = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok.
These are actual characters in EVE Online.
I don’t actually care what name someone uses, but seriously?
CCPlease.
Everybody loves my channel: Why Was I Ganked?
Uncle Pudge is a typical Highsec miner.
After losing his favourite shuttle, he was less than calm.
When asked why he used such vulgar language, Uncle Pudge made an announcement.
He was a glorious veteran of some sort.
Veterans get 10% off on Tuesdays, and extra special treatment online.
Pudge also applied for a senior citizen discount.
After his proud service in Company C, Uncle Pudge retired to EVE Online.
From behind his computer, Pudge is internet brave.
Apparently, he is still in dusty Fallujah.
Meanwhile, Serbian Gamer shows how a real man reacts when ganked.
