Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Miners don’t like being ganked.
Fortunately, they can afford it, right?
They also have excellent social skills…
… and recognize us as ‘upper level’ players…
They are happy to have experienced mentors.
We are looking forward to a bright future, together FOREVER.
Always!
A lot of people are talking about Highsec’s hot new mining corporation.
Princess Aiko Hold My Hand is the place for A1 miners.
It’s one of my personal fan clubs.
There are several elite tiers.
All miners are invited!
My themed mining corps encourages submissive miners to orbit me.
Finally, miners can simp in style.
Just listen to these authentic testimonials!
I also train newbro gankers.
Literal hand holding.
You are personally invited to join me (in a wholly separate alliance).
Recently, antigankers have started ganking innocent newbro miners.
Antiganking fails again! Daily!
Baited on a free _____
Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Jonathan found a new lady friend.
Like any self-respecting woman, Alt expected him to satisfy her.
He was a simp, but also a poor.
Alt was sorely disappointed, expressing her true feelings.
Jon was desperate to please her.
Later, he discussed the relationship with his mining bros.
He decided to show Alt that he was serious.
However, she was not impressed.
Jon needed to do more.
She demanded respect.
He was frustrated, and she was unsympathetic.
How could Jon earn her favour?
He knew what to do.
Would it work?
Alt took the money, and donated it to charity.
Jon was bankrupt, and resorted to sending love letters.
It wasn’t meant to be.
He decided to explore other opportunities.
Jonathan knows that angels are real.
Like most miners, he suffers from Dunning-Kruger syndrome.
Jon is an IRL space peasant, with low life expectancy.
Believe it or not, there are more important things than sex.
Miners need to pay rent, taxes, penalties, surcharges, and protection fees.
Jon was glad his spaceship exploded. Now he had a reason to go shopping.
Meanwhile, other miners wandered through my Why Was I Ganked? channel.
Jon began to understand the nature of industrialized griefing.
He thus felt a desire to help, but had little to offer.
He was in love, and struggled with spelling.
To be continued…
BONUS CONTENT
Watch Foo-Foo the Snoo!
This salty miner has several outbursts. Someone is MAD (and AFK)!
Be sure to subscribe!
OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!
OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!
OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!
OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!
He claims to be a noob, but we know the truth!
OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!
I honestly can’t imagine being a poor.
Why would anyone want to grind?
Indeed.
We sure love to help these newbros.
That’s right.
We are not ashamed.
Zaenis was recently asked if I’m his IRL wife…
Hah!
I guess I’m doing ok.
We’ve been helping all the bears.
No miner left behind!
This never gets old!
We’ve had a lot of practice…
…and we are really good at what we do.
I love it!
So I’m just gonna keep coming.
You will know my name.
I’m a total diva.
I’ve also got a killer crew.
You just can’t stop us.
Don’t even try to extort me!
I’ll make you cry.
If you need isk, just ask a miner!
I’ve heard that Russians have the best insults!
IT LOOKS LIKE A FREAK AND YOU JUST GET BETTER!
When did the internet reach Anatolia?
FUCK MOM
Krig is still getting fanmail from that cursing Rattlesnake.
Be well!
Calm down miner!
Hahaha!
Today is the day!
What?
The MAFIA TRIBUNAL is coming for me!
LoL @ Khromius, if you are reading this, let’s just be friends!
I just keep winning, daily!
I miss you James!
I love the CODE. and I’m glad I moved it to Safety.
Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.
I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…
It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!
Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…
Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.
In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!
With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.
Look for the helpers.
Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.
Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.
Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.
He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.
This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.
Minastlya lost a battleship, in outer space.
His philosophy was simple. Losing is winning.
However, an investigation revealed extenuating circumstances.
Minastlya was sorely distracted.
He was responsible for his own fate.
He enjoys losing.
Gross!
Haha.
You boys need to calm down.
Eyeroll.
In EVE Online, you can be anything you want.
For example, I’m a real-life Princess in outer space.
Yiole had a special offer for me.
Everyone in my Why Was I Ganked? channel was cursed!
Yiolo wrote down everyone’s name…
…for a serious space curse.
Names are powerful things.
She didn’t mind sharing her vast knowledge of cursedom.
In EVE, everything is fairplay, even black magicks are allowed.
This was a classic voodoo extortion scheme.
However…
… there is a way to lift the curse…
…for a price.
Yiole presented compelling testimonials of her previous work.
It was time to pay.
There was just one small problem.
I’m immune to curses!
BONUS VIDEO
Watch this miner send me money!
Miners use such awful language.
They are also bad at contractions.
They are so rude!
I’m not sure what they truly want.
Do you know what I want?
I want them to be fiscally responsible.
Furthermore…
I want the miners to be happy.
I want us to be like one big family.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Why can’t we all just get along?
