‎James 315 Space – Page 83 – Official Home of the New Order of Highsec

The Best Revenge, Part 96

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Now then, dear Reader, where were we? It all began a long time ago, when a Highsec Orca got into a standoff with ~~Kalooooronooed~~ Kalorned. Before long, Tweeps and Princess Aiko and Dolphin Don hailed aiva naali as the Grand High Lord of the Delve. Indeed, The Mittani personally appointed aiva (now avia, aka ‘lil bullet, aka Gooninatius Reximus, aka He Who Knocks) as the lead abstract theorecraftitician of the entire Swarm. Yea, and did ~~aiva~~ avia solemnly prophesize the double trading of Vily, who did thusly conspire with the WHORE Elise Randolph.

With TEST reeling before his counteroffensive, the suppercomputer began playing nth+n+2th-dimensional chess, in hyperspace.

Meanwhile, in the secret Goon headquarters, Aiko and avia developed the Goon Bounty Board, as a means to ensure that unemployed drones were able to find suitable work to ensure the survival of the hive.

At every moment, avia is watching his Swarmlings, dutifully guiding them toward victory.

It was avia who snuffed out Snuffed Out.

It was avia who kept our FCs safely hidden away.

It was avia who taught James 315 how to minerbump.

It all started with a modest vow to utterly destroy Pandemic Horde.

It became the best revenge.

To be continued…

Just wait…

Miners make a lot of special requests.

They simply don’t understand what is happening.

They are worried about the future.

Who will help the miners?

The poor little things…

I know exactly what they need.

We are going to cleanse the galaxy.

If you don’t read my blog, you are dead already.

The rest of you, well, you better send me money.

No refunds!

Safe Space

Miners are having a rough time.

There’s got to be a better way to grind…

Maybe they should stop trespassing in my asteroid preserve?

Remember miners, Highsec is a safe space.

Just obey the law, and everything will be fine.

It’d be a real shame, if something happened.

You never know…

Bee careful!

More Fs

We know miners are bots, but they think we are rats.

Mean mean meanies.

Please don’t send me to a brothel.

Mining sure is hard, with Trigs and Gankers in local.

It’s especially difficult, when you are AFK.

You better look at your computer screen.

Someone is trying to kill you.

Someone wants your money.

Just calm down.

We wish you all the best.

So please obey the law…

…and send us your money.

See ya!

Honorable Mentions

Recently, on the forums, they were discussing the greatest EVE players of all time.

Consensus naturally formed around myself, with Brisc Rubal in second place.

Let’s consider some other honorable mentions.

Elite PvE miners, who don’t shoot back, they are the real heroes – right?

The poor miners struggle daily, to ensure CCP doesn’t get any funding.

Why pay for PLEX, when you can just grind?

Mining is a truly honorable profession.

Well, at least, it’s relaxing…

The miners are content.

Without them, we’d have no game.

Without us, they’d have no game.

We are like two peas in a pod.

I’m glad to see miners are still out there.

I just want to meet them all.

What would we do without miners?

Cheers!

Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content.

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.

As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Flopalopadoobie

We hear it all the time.

They insist gankers can’t PvP, and we are scared to leave Highsec.

They think this allegation will upset us.

I’m so afraid to fly somewhere without CONCORD, gate guns, or faction police.

What would happen if we left Highsec?

Fortunately, for most miners, we tend to remain in Highsec.

You’ll find us there.

Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

Kelroth, Part 5

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth handed out billions. Tens of billions became hundreds, as he purchased a fantasy C7 wormhole, a lifetime VIP mining permit, and a lot of new friends. There was an endless supply of cocaine, but the party came to a screeching halt when Kelroth’s entire mining fleet was wiped out.

Victor II was just a typical bot aspirant miner, who randomly joined Kelroth’s corporation, DarkStar Industries. Like most carebears, he was too scared to get on Teamspeak, and ignored Kelroth’s repeated invitations. He didn’t want any of that awkward human social interaction, and he just wanted to mine. Meanwhile, in Teamspeak, his CEO was handing over everything to Princess Aiko’s many alts, Lovin Jr’s many alts, Lilath, Kalle’s many alts, and BigTits. When Victor realized that Kelroth couldn’t even afford to SRP mining ship losses, he quit the corporation in a huff.

Victor would undoubtedly have been more upset, if only he knew the truth. Kelroth was paying the very people who were killing everyone in DarkStar.

Kelroth knew that Lovin was out to get him…

…but who might be a Lovin spy?

Someone was responsible for this crisis, and Aiko’s main’s alt’s alt drew attention to Kelroth’s ‘head of security’. Wasn’t Brutus really the one who let Kelroth down? Isn’t it true that Brutus failed to provide security?

A simple flat Earther, and a devout follower of flat Jesus, Brutus denied the allegations. However, Kelroth’s new friends insisted that Brutus was the problem. In fact, many people were concerned that Brutus was a CODE. spy, perhaps even one of Princess Aiko’s many simps. He might even be a Lovin!