‎James 315 Space – Page 107 – Official Home of the New Order of Highsec

The Best Revenge, Part 81

Previously on James315.Space… Elite naval strategist Aiva Naali, aka ‘The Supper computer’, aka ‘anaCheeya ANARKY’, aka ‘140 Big Girth’, aka ‘quantum’, aka ‘Agent Anvil’, aka ‘lil Bullet’, was determined to crush Pandemic Horde, directing the Imperium to rain down upon them like a swarm of angry bees. However, war is hell, and that means taxes and line item expenses. Aiva vowed to purchase his seat on the War Council, and was pleased by the presentation of an official billing statement.

Before James 315 passed on, after sipping from that fateful cup of wine which I poured unto him, he begged me to ensure that the full story would be told. An entire galaxy has been torn by the Great War of Aiva, and many wish to hear the inspiring tale of a Highsec miner’s rise to absolute Ascendancy. I am most pleased to continue this narrative, referring you now to a Discord channel known to OnlyFans as Aiko’s Pleasure Palace. It was here that quantum vowed to do everything necessary to defeat Pandemic Horde.

For every problem, there is always a solution, always!

For now, the crucial issue was that lapsed payments automatically triggered a series of routine budget cuts, and late fees would have to be paid promptly to ensure that quantum’s official Goonswarm Director of War Council and Imperial Naval Office of Scientific Research and Applied Development campaign could proceed.

Not surprisingly, Agent Anvil wanted to succeed, but his friends were busy with their own political campaigns. Everything depended upon ensuring that the right people were placed into key positions across the Galactic Council, whilst enemies of the state were sidelined. In particular, the shareholders would soon be electing the next Saviour or Saviourette of Highsec, and the stakes couldn’t possibly be higher!

Although quantum’s campaign staff feared the growing power of Dolphin Don, a xenophobic anti-furfan, quantum reassured everyone that the Mittani would intervene and ensure that the good guys were victorious.

With a powerful friend like the Mittani, quantum was sure to win, provided he could continue with his payments to the Election Fund.

To be continued…

Убийства недели

Привет друзья! Here are some медведи that got evicted between August 9th @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 15th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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Pheonix Flambarde had a genius idea. He combined ORE Strip Miners, with Carpo Mining Laser Upgrades and an ORE Expanded Cargohold. He also included Synthetic Hull Conversion Inertia Stabilizers! This amazing auto-mining machine performed very well until it utterly exploded under the watchful gaze of Niels Henrik Abel, Felix Hausdorff, Max August Zorn, and Ernst Steinitz.

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Deador Alive found out he was dead when he crammed his occator full of garbage and rammed it into Hell Dawn. That was dumb. The illegal vessel was decommissioned by Fire h4ir, Devilish Hunters, PurgerAdrenaline, and XIIRU.

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When Silicia White loaded her freighter full of skill injectors, she assumed the RMT scheme was foolproof. Fortunately, CCP has authorized an elite strike force to clean up Jita, led by Amallea, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, and Mjolnir Rage Torpedo.

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Meanwhile, when Doominatrix Easymount filled her Ibis with skill injectors, it was not at all suspicious for six hours old character 6aya to instinctively gank the corvette with a skill injected tier II thrasher. I’ll allow it.

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Kyrd Deninard thought his mining battlecruiser was suitable for passive income generation, but was corrected by Noll Kion, Lisa Tears, and Egon Halbdackel.

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Boko Sila was mining in Korsiki, when he was liberated by Shadow Fireball, Ulianov, Noll Kion, Gallente Ambrye, Your Awesum Brutha, and Yes Mr Cheng. Cool story! By the way, Pithum A-Type Multispectrum Shield Hardeners will not protect your capacitor tanked warship. Sorry!

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Boko Sila was still AFK, when he was euthanized by Shadow Pearl. Wonderful! Just in case you are wondering, High-grade Crystal is still illegal.

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Last week, we watched with amazement as Australian Excellence traveled into the future and blapped a blingy pod. This was so inspiring that Princess Aiko led a strike time into the distant past, eager to score a Kill of the Week during the final week of MinerBumping. In an instant, history was firmly rewritten, when Seather Peterson became the first goofus in EVE history to have his Thunderchild ganked in Highsec. Unfortunately, when James saw this, he was so startled that he fell out of his chair and promptly passed away. Oops! Our wonderful Saviourette was accompanied by her good friends Hide Yo Freighters, Safeword is Harder, Ship Insurance Liberator, Shadow Cyrilus, and Master Kock.

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 5

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 3

Previously on James315.Space… Newbro Odbayar bought another mining permit, and was excited to meet isk doublers, treblers, and quintuplers. Some jellybears don’t have charisma, calling us Space Bullies, but we are professional helpers.

Aiko Danuja > Odbayar you need to send 30 million to Butter Button

Odbayar > Aiko Danuja you send me 30M isk ?
Aiko Danuja > you send to him, then i send u 60 million

Odbayar > wow

The old saying rings true. One man’s everything is my new garbage. Oldbayar doubled down on his initial investment, and then he doubled down again.

Would Oldbayar ever finish paying for his crimes?

Even the illegal ore was returned.

As Odbayar took the oath of poverty, he began to finally feel free.

He now understood what true friendship was all about.

He was also learning a valuable lesson.

At that very moment, Odbayar won big on the Hypernet raffle lottery!

Everyone was cheering for the little guy.

Meanwhile, Odbayar continued to pull random objects out of his hangar.

He was a big believer in giving everything to the New Order.

We encouraged Odbayar to think big.

Unfortunately, Odbayar began to have doubts.

What was wrong?

Odbayar felt we owed him more than a free ganking Catalyst.

Once a miner, always a miner…

Odbayar waited patiently, while Princess Aiko went to important meetings.

Would Odbayar ever get his new rorqual?

Not today friend!

To be continued…

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 4

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… Odbayar was delighted to learn that mining permits are just 30 million isk, and every purchase qualifies for instant doubling. He wanted to get rich quick, greedily applying for liberal handouts.

Whadda Badasaz was generous, offering to quadruple Odbayar’s isk. Even better, if Odbayar signed up today, he would qualify for an extra BONUS.

Agents of the New Order are always eager to help newbros, and began patiently explaining how to create an official business contract.

Odbayar began voluntarily transferring his assets.

Many EVE players would let Odbayar dwell in isolation, without content, but our CODE. agents encouraged Odbayar to develop his own story.

Odbayar was happy to finally be playing EVE.

Odbayar originally claimed that he only had one ship, but this was revealed to be a rotten lie. He was trying to scam our elite agents, pretending to have nothing left, and yet he always managed to pull one more item out of his hangar. As Sun Tzu famously wrote, “You can squeeze water from a rock, if you squeeze gently.”

Odbayar explored his inventory, and was amazed to find forgotten items. Fortunately, Princess Aiko was willing to liquidate everything.

To be continued…

BONUS: Blake McAllister of New Order Mining Authority has produced this poster, perfect for your bedroom wall.

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 3

Previously on James315.Space… Hyperlife was eager to buy his permit, and donate billions of isk to support the New Order. Getting ganked was a real gamechanger for him, and he was eager to stop mining. Let’s now examine another sort of miner, the unrepentant newbro. Little Odbayar hails from Mongolia, but soon found himself stealing ore in Highsec. As you might imagine, he found himself in quite a bit of legal trouble.

At some point, Odbayar was convinced to purchase a permit, but became dismayed when the license was revoked. Unfortunately, bot aspirancy is a violation of the End User License Agreement, as defined by the New Halaima Code of Conduct.

As part of the Pangalactic Ganking Amnesty Agreement, negotiated amidst a derecho on Agil-III, the official leadership of the New Order and the ranking shareholders of the realm have agreed to support a combined grand offensive against Highsec miners. It was thus that Odbayar found himself confronted not only by the mighty CODE. alliance, but also by our friends in Pandemic Horde. Subsequently, I was touring the official CODE. museum, when I found poor Odbayar crying to an empty channel. I could see he was desperately attempting to find someone who would sell him a new permit, and took it upon myself to invite this little fellow to a more active channel: Why Was I Ganked?

This was not Odbayar’s first time in prison, and he knew the routine, dutifully presenting his latest killmail for an official inspection.

After examining the evidence, I summoned Butter Button to collect rent.

Odbayar briefly malfunctioned, but was easily rebooted.

Like most newbros, Odbayar appreciated our help.

Butter Button was especially impressed by the professionalism of Princess Aiko, the Sword of Restoration. The New Order once again demonstrated that it was not only the master of Highsec, but Nullsec as well.

Odbayar was happy, and Butter was also satisfied.

Everyone was content, but could Odbayar negotiate an even better deal?

To be continued…

Code Ready Always

PRINCESS THOUGHTS: The end of Juneteenth coincides with Wardfest, and you know what that means: derecho season! Uf, no me gusta! High command is aware “the weather” is of concern to middle management, and we are doing everything we can to improve the climate. I seem to remember a simpler time, when we had another word for señor Derecho. El tindersturm??? Tundrastrom? Tengostrumpet????? I don’t recall, but I’m glad that James315.Space is a safe place without arbitrary nonse.

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Previously on Minerbumping… Our late Saviour penned a seminal historiographic narrative, depicting the awesome saga of New Order agents in battle against intergalactic minery. Kalorned and TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet have long been controversial, striking fear into even the toughest jellybear. Fortunately, as part of the New Order Amnesty Accords, Princess Aiko has seen fit to bring these bad boys back into the fold. They have thus bent the knee, accepting her almighty reign.

You may recall that Energy Minx and Greypses Foryuu appeared from nowhere. Subsequently, after destroying The Trade Syndecate, these mysterious heroes returned whence they came. The fate of the Syndecate is known, but questions linger about the lost year, between the conclusion of Code Ready Gelhan and the The Elonaya Conspiracy. What happened to Mission Ready Mining? Are they ok?

As James 315 noted, “Something terrible had happened to that organization, and it went inactive.” But what exactly was that terrible thing? This, dear reader, is an intriguing question. Now that Kalorned and Tweeps have been firmly brought to heel, the truth can finally be revealed here, as James 315 would have wanted.

Fresh from the New Order Vaults, I am thus pleased to announce Code Ready 2: Kalorned’s Revenge. This epic non-fiction docudrama will bring to light the incredible details of Mission Ready Mining’s stunning defeat, at the hands of Assistance Group (which contains some of the New Order’s most seductive Aiko alts). Finally, we will have official answers. It’s like Christmas, so please enjoy this special audio trailer:

Sex. Violence. Ganking. Bumping. Spying. Evictions. Sex. Betrayals. More evictions. More spying. Real-life threats. More Sex. Buckle up, friendo, the boys are back and this time they have a Princess. Are you CODE. ready?

To be continued…

Stark Raving Mad, Part 5

Previously on MinerBumping… VictorStark Stark was furious, and so was his alt Lilliana Lestrange. They thought they could roleplay their way into CODE., but soon discovered that the Code forbids roleplaying. Ironically, VictorStark didn’t roleplay giving away all his assets and skillpoints!!! Worse still, he blamed Princess Aiko for his foolishness! At first, VictorStark tried to negotiate with various CODE. agents, but soon realized that Aiko was officially the top character in CODE!!!!!

When carebears realize that Aiko is a true princess, they often gnash their yellow teeth, and Victor was no exception.

Denying the reality of Aiko’s official stature is always a serious mistake. When Lilliana tried to pretend she had a valid mining permit, Aiko observed that the permit was actually stolen. Lilliana was nothing but a common permit thief.

As the truth became known, everyone began to publicly shame the angry goofus.

Meanwhile, the AGBees celebrated another successful gank.

Lilliana was obsessed with Princess Aiko, hurling endless invective.

Aiko tried to explain that, as a verified IRL princess, she lacks empathy or compassion for the common miner. Our Saviourette is incapable of understanding what Lilliana was upset about. Unfortunately, this did not help Lilliana calm down.

Is it even possible to punish a princess? Some individuals began to question whether Aiko could ever be held accountable for anything. Was it true, that whatever she did was absolutely divine, by right of birth? If so, did Lilliana have any rational reason to even be upset? Shouldn’t be Lilliana be rejoicing to meet a princess?

Lilliana’s breakdown was now entering a third day, and Antonio Muskitta was beginning to wonder whether the festivities would ever conclude? Rumors were spreading that the Jamespocalypse was nigh, and perhaps this was the end of CODE? However, as Madame Mia observed, Princess Aiko was just getting started.

To be continued…

False Valour, Part 2

Previously on James315.Space… Vasalinda Fingerback was unable to tell the truth, and she was also unable to survive Highsec. An elite team of CODE. social workers sought to help Vasalinda come to terms with her indecent lifestyle.

Alas, Vasalinda needed help accepting help.

It’s hard to imagine a race more disgusting than the Highsec miner.

Vasalinda dropped a bombshell on the Why Was I Ganked? channel. Not only was she a badass miner, classy lady, and internet tough guy – but she was also an elite amphibious assault specialist. Normally, when someone tells me that they have served in the Armed Forces, I tend to believe them. However, I was struggling to accept this miner’s story, and doubted that Marines are common plebs.

It always pains me to accuse someone of false valour, because it’s possible that an absolute moron somehow slipped through the intensive recruitment process. However, Highsec miners are notoriously dishonest. We’ve seen our fair share of miners who dropped deep behind Soviet lines, ganking Albanian tanks with their trusty M47 Dragon ATGM, but we’ve also seen a few miners who exaggerated a little bit.

I’ve never met a U.S. Marine who felt bullied by space cartoons.

This was Vasalinda’s chance to shame ME. She might have called my bluff, describing her heroic defense of Hue, or her brilliant maneuver at Chosin. She could have described the bloody perimeter at Henderson field, or her courageous action at Fallujah. However, those battles paled in comparison to Vasalinda’s concern: the mining permit.

The truth often reveals itself.

Fortunately, Vasalinda was having fun and wasn’t upset or bothered.

It is often difficult to feel any pity or sympathy for the hapless miners.

Todesfälle der Woche

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hallo Freunde. A lot of people have been wondering where to send their isk, plex, and moon goo. Now that James 315 is dead, several times over, it can be hard to know how to invest. You can naturally send your stuff to his old account, and that’s cool, like how the Wiking used to send gold and silver to Valhöll. I am sure James would appreciate your full faith. However, you might want to just send it all to her ladyship, Aiko Danuja. That’s right! It would really simplify the accounting.

Before you stop being calm, just think about this carefully. If your Ouija board is handy, you can easily ask James whether you should send me all your stuff, and I’m sure he will respond with a succint statement like “Sounds reasonable.” If he is feeling especially informative, he might even explain that I’ve been managing the Halaima MinerBumping IPO since he died back in 2018, and that’s just a fact friendo. Didn’t you know???

Did you really think this was satire? Really?????

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Ohne weiteres, here are some Bären that got dunked between August 2nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 8th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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James 315 commanded us to “respect” the mighty Jihadswarm. One Venture ganker claimed that multiboxers are “cheaters”, and I advised him to biomass his alpha account, because Justin Kusion, Patricia Parra, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Charlie Jacobson, and Bob Mechanic are my omega friends. In fact, as Kusion reminded everyone last night, I’ve known him since before the sex change.

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Some bots doubt that CODE. is the most powerful alliance in the galaxy, but they fail to realize that both Pandemic Horde and Goonswarm have sworn fealty to James 315, and his successor (that’s me). While plebian peasants bicker, knights of the realm focus upon what matters: burning wicked miners. I therefore offer my affections to Pranav Singh, The Highsec Goddess, and The Highsec Goddess’ Necromancer.

I know some cynical fools are thinking, it’s just some random coincidence that Pandemic Horde ganked a porpoise, which has nothing to do with me or the CODE. I don’t know what to say, but this same miner lost a Nestor just an hour earlier. Hmm. It’s not like the most elite gankers all sit in comms together. Right?

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Highsec miners hide a lot of contraband, and it may appear to be just random luck, when we find their stash . However, we don’t just control Isanamo and Uedama… we also control Jita and Amarr! Miners are notoriously bad at business, and it’s actually CODE. which has all the elite market tycoons. Zopiclone and Never Gonna SeeGrandKids knew exactly where to find the evidence. Just say no to mining!

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wotan vallvater defied the laws of space and time, combining reinforced bulkheads with expanded cargoholds, thereby creating an impossibly dense glob of goblok. When CODE. agents investigated this anomaly, they traveled into next week and dunked on wotan’s entire mining fleet. Congrats to the Old Guard, led by Aiko Danuja, Alt 00, AGBee 513, and Rafa Quinterro. This was the third time that wotan lost a mining fleet, and we can only hope he finally decides to purchase a permit. Wotan, if you ever read this website, I hope you can spot the hint (and send me your stuff in a slightly more efficient manner).

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Taking advantage of the temporal anomaly, His Australian Excellence returned from the dead and traveled further into the future, blasting an illegal Chinese smuggler. Wu Hu forgot to flee into deep space, where he belongs, and his pod was lawfully confiscated. Remember miners, the High-grade Amulet Omega “does nothing in and of itself.”

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Meanwhile, in another timeline , mat Otsito found an even blingier pod hiding inside a retriever. The Mid-grade Harvest Omega is also trash.

False Valour

In this era of Jamespocalypse, everyone is flocking to the official Why Was I Ganked? channel, where the best content is reserved for premium shareholders.