Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
I’m the best.
In the entire history of EvE Online, nobody has killed more skiffs than me.
I don’t have time to blog, because I’m kinda busy.
Eventually, I’ll do something else, right?
For now, listen to Gallofree Rushmore remind us that EvE Online is a PvP game. Just in case these bears delete their videos, he said (and I quote), “This is a PvP game… but go PvP with somebody who is at their computer.”
Haha! His friend xXDeathsSwiftXx also had something to say.
Ok, I got stuff to do!
Ashterothi was streaming today, with a vibrant discussion of griefing and harassment. Not surprisingly, he concluded that I am perfect.
Anyone who suggests otherwise is trying to scam you.
Don’t listen to salty carebears who cry.
Those people are mental, in real-life.
You don’t want to be one of them, do you?
Come to a FREE Safety. meetup and accept TRUTH.
Meanwhile, Spanish miner Gwen Hekki has been wrestling with demons.
The loss of her Venture was upsetting, and she cried.
Gwen sought revenge, by shooting empty pods.
She has written about these struggles on her own blog.
One day, Gwen realized an important truth: “ser victima sólo era el resultado del descuido o ver a EVE Online como un Farm Village espacial.” To be a victim, is only the result of carelessness, and treating EVE like Space Farmville.
Yesterday, we stared into the abyss.
Was this the end of the galaxy?
Novus Ordo antigankers tried to report gankers for pulling, but the EVE community came together and defended our Highsec traditions.
All is well!
We celebrated by exploit dunking in Uedama.
Here’s a video!
In other news, an Orca had a Safety incident.
Safety inspectors are investigating.
Let’s examine the SRP request.
Ah, I found the problem…
You were trying to run your own business.
Safety first, always!
Tonight, I met with the CSM. Innominate has been crying IRL about his security status, but I reassured everyone. Later, Mrs. Brisc Rubal had to interrupt and ask Brisc why he was talking about “sex status”.
Being an EVE celebrity is quite a trip.
I don’t mind the attention.
I’m here to help.
Ok buddy! I’ll explain it again.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
That’s the truth!
I made a new alliance, for the future (and not the past).
What can I say?
You can’t deny success.
Yesterday, we learned about furry marauders, who yiff their way across Highsec. Sargon has compiled a nice video of our first contact.
It’s seventeen minutes, and worth watching. I noticed that these ‘innocent’ dog people were making fun of Goose, and laughing about whether he dresses up as a goose in real-life. Furthermore, the guy that got ganked is on audio, saying that the reason he was ganked, is because HE was talking shit. We can conclude that yesterday’s incident was not an example of my alliance being toxic toward furries, but rather a “community driven” response against toxic bullies (who happen to be furries).
Thanks to everyone who helps keep Highsec safe.
As the New Order storms ahead into the 21st Century, we’ve rebranded and upgraded. We’ve got our own Twitter, a MySpace, and now we are on TikTok!
James 315 couldn’t possibly be prouder of me, his perfect little angel.
Here’s another video, from my recent meeting with the CSM.
Of course, some people are always dissatisfied.
13+1 has been crying about our low activity at 4 in the morning. In order to resolve this, I have delegated recruitment and training to him.
Let me be clear, 13+1, I don’t hate you. I don’t even know who you are. Yes, I sit at the table with all the cool kids, and dunk on miners. If you want to be cool, keep shooting miners. You don’t need an FC to tell you, “Kill them all!”
If you want to gank, all you need to do is follow some simple instructions. 13+1 will answer any questions you might have.
As the divine leader of a major spacefaring civilization, I no longer have any duties or responsibilities. I can do whatever, however I want, whenever I want. I am perfect in every way, infallible in judgment and beyond reproach. I’m a Princess, and I am successful simply by existing, even if I log out and disappear forever.
As there are no objections, I will conclude this post.
Goodnight!
Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.
When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.
After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).
CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate.
Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.
She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.
Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.
Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.
Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.
This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.
Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.
Jim is one happy botter.
He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?
No bots allowed!
Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.
Sargon recently hunted down the Uedama cambot.
Afterward, Dolphin Don hunted down the new cambots.
It was amazing.
If Halaima is Mecca, Uedama is the Strait of Tiran.
All freighters must obtain a valid license.
James is dead, but I am not!
We will purify these heretics.
I’m the Executor of Jihadswarm.
Bee well.
It’s a dark and stormy night.
Let’s watch YouTube!
One of the most important tasks facing a Saviour or Saviourette of Highsec, is the sacred duty to save Highsec (by defending ganking). Frequently, carebear crusaders portray ganking as unbalanced, overpowered, or as some variant of griefing, bullying, harassment, or unfair plane. Recently, after being bumped, HateleSS has posited himself as a modern day Ripard Teg, railing against the nefarious evils of gankerdom.
“What I want to talk about today is suicide ganking. What they actually look like, and what they actually are.” Even though HateleSS is a miner, he claims special insight into a community of people who do something other than mine all day. How does he have such knowledge? It’s simple, he got bumped, and he even tried to convince me to gank someone that was shooting ‘his’ rats. He ‘knows’ us.
“I’m gonna show off a couple of occurrences where I kinda came out on top.” Yes, ganking is totally unbalanced, but ‘ol HateleSS knows a few tricks that will help YOU, dear reader, to come out ahead of those overpowered griefers.
“I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on, uh… actually I will… but I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on game balance.” UH huh.
“I do believe that ganking should exist in the game, however… I believe firmly that suicide ganking relies very strongly in favour of the ganker…” If you are looking to become a carebear leader yourself, note how Hateless retains his cool status by endorsing the idea of ganking, before arguing that ganking needs one more nerf.
“Right now there is no consequence to suicide ganking…” That’s right. Nevermind the fact that gank ships explode, even if the gank succeeds, and nevermind that gankers are chased by faction police, antigankers, and random passersby. They also have active killrights, and can’t mine in Highsec. There are no consequences!
“I find the best response you can have is to say good fight!” Hateless thinks he is virtue signalling atop a viper’s nest, but if he actually read the CODE. he would realize this was the whole point to begin with. Gankers might laugh at salty miners, they might even enjoy the tears, but all gankers really want is for miners to calm down.
“I know that you are frustrated, angry, upset, irritated, outraged, whatever you want to call it. But as long as you don’t send that through the keyboard…” HateleSS urges miners to channel their rage in another direction, but James 315 knew this would inevitably be directed at children and stray cats. It’s better to rage in-game, just let it out, and the gankers will listen. If you can’t calm down in real-life, it’s unhealthy to stifle it. Trust me, the gankers will always listen. We are here to help!
“…more often than not, they won’t come back. The people that do this, do it purely to get a reaction out of you.” This is just false. We will gank a target day after day, even if they say nothing. Just ask Gruzilka, the Highsec mining bot.
“They’ll initially target you for the profit…” HateleSS envisons gankers who are greedy for quick isk, but settle instead for emotional drama. In fact, gankers just want you dead. They don’t care about the isk, or the emotions. Sure, they are vaguely aware of these things, but fundamentally they just want to enforce the law. You are trespassing, you are illegal, you are a criminal – the gankers are here to put you down.
“They’ll target marauders, just because people are more likely to get upset or angry…” Wrong! We target illegal marauders, because they are marauding our High Security zone. We also shoot Ventures! Who would cry about a Venture?
“If you have an alt next door, you can see them. If you watch local, you can see them pop into local. If you watch D-Scan… if you pay attention to your ship. You can be aware.” This is true, but it runs counter to the argument that ganking is overpowered. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of players are ganked whilst AFK. If you aren’t AFK, it’s pretty goshdarn easy to warp away.
“They can cause you harm, unless you are being protected by others…” HateleSS tells an endearing story about the time his family was stalked by a ganking cougar. He doesn’t seem to recognize the main lesson of this story, which is that miners are perfectly capable of forming self-defense fleets. This does require social skills.
“The ganking game is fought before they ever land on your head.” There is some truth to this, but it doesn’t reflect poorly on gankers. Erwin Rommel, the German Field Marshal, observed that battles are decided before the first shot is fired. This is common sense. It is irrational to take unnecessary risks, and competent individuals ascertain a likely outcome before taking action. Gankers generally succeed because they know when they can succeed, and they logically avoid failure. Furthermore, there actually are things you can do once the gank fleet lands, but I’m not here to provide tips.
*****
HateleSS proceeds to play two short clips in which he manages to avoid being ganked. In the first video, he “moonwalks” away, and in the second he manages to survive an attack. Both of these contradict his thesis that ganking is over-powered. Curiously, he ignores consequences to the gankers, who lost ships, time, and isk.
“I lost a Noctis the other day… I wasn’t paying attention.” There’s the issue. If you aren’t paying attention, you are far more likely to get ganked.
*****
Ultimately, HateleSS appears to have talked himself out of his own argument, at least for now. The video started off with an edgy vibe, revealing the gritty truth about space griefers and the unbalanced nature of ganking. However, the longer HateleSS talked, the more he thought about all the times he wasn’t ganked. He remembered how his family evaded a cougar. He recalled how gankers landed on his head, and he escaped… again and again. He looked at his cat, and shook his finger, “You naughty griefer!”
Ultimately, despite his claims, HateleSS offered no evidence that gankers are evil bullies, nor did he demonstrate that ganking is over-powered.
***AIKO THOUGHTS***
HateleSS, if you are so interested in ganking, why don’t you try it?
What is your real agenda here?
Here’s a fun video!
See you next time HateleSS!
It’s no secret.
Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.
It’s a nullsec post.
A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.
Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.
Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?
One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.
Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.
Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…
Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.
TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.
Yikes!
Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!
Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.
Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.
Just wow.
He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.
