Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Even the best antigankers strive to perfect their craft.
Recently, I decided to level up.
I just won’t fight ships that can shoot back.
Tama is a safe space for my friends.
You are on Team Aiko, or you are trash.
Even big dog streamers are watching me.
There’s nothing else they can do.
Here’s a funny thought.
I literally have no balls, at all — in real life!
In ye olden times of yore, the Minerbumping channel was a place where good agents were summarily banned for trivial reasons, with no judicial recourse (other than praying to a dead guy, who quit undocking a decade ago). This happened, for example, when Salah felt Jerry Rin and karma balancer were being disrespectful.
From: Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri
Sent: 2018.02.12 09:33
To: [redacted]
Hi friends,
I’m writing this little essay here because… issues with certain people, like karma balancer, who has an existential grudge against me for no apparent reason. I even have a recording of him calling me a piece of shit on Teamspeak and saying that all Russians must be bombed… As for mod rights, I’m all for redistributing them, but there has to be a set of guidelines…
Praise James!
Likewise, when Lewak became jealous of Aiko Danuja. Or when Super Perforator came down with a bad case of terminal autisms. It’s the sort of stuff that James 315 never wrote about, because he never knew about it.
Fortunately, the modern Why Was I Ganked? channel is a bastion of due process. We finally managed to redistribute the mod rights, by creating a new channel, and a new alliance, with new guidelines for a new New Order.
Woah there, Iceminer, let me just stop you right there.
Pay rent, on time each month, or get out of Highsec.
Do you want to wind up like Mick Barmata?
My fees are very reasonable!
Anyways… Miners have legal rights, under the auspices of the CODE. and your lawful High Queen Regent dispenses sweet justice according to her regal whim, whenever and however the Heroin decides. That’s only fair, right?
Recently, Kalvin Rothchild summoned his antiganking alt.
Kalvin paid 100 million to be unbanned, only to be rebanned!
It is my pleasure to clarify why Kalvin is rebanned.
Recently, a mysterious CODE.-Safety. taskforce went All-Out, apprehending Kalvin’s mining alt. I found this to be most pleasurable.
Kalvin’s Princess Aiko barbie doll promptly began crying.
This went on for quite some time.
On and on…
The logs are voluminous.
Kalvin, I’m gonna need another 100 million isk.
You done wrong, and I like money.
Yesterday was May 9.
It was a day of Russian PRIDE.
We don’t celebrate Soviet holidays.
Russian miners often have a lot to say.
And you, Princessa, I remember, go fuck your shavern personally!
Dalbeny are stupid, you can shove your rackeeteers in ass!
They were threatening war, and we didn’t listen.
Your kids, bitch, burned out slobbering, bullshit, you bitch, intefere with playing fucking critters!
Now, the whole world is listening.
As it turns out, we are the real Nazis!
At least, I still have friends.
Death to the diggers!
Yikes!
Why, hello there, dear reader.
Once upon a time, the CODE. alliance was a mighty alliance.
One day, James 315 docked up, AFK forever.
The final challenge to his legacy was posed by gankbear roleplayers, who tried to convince everyone to leave the alliance. They called themselves CODE BLUE, and they rallied around has beens, never weres, and never will bees. Their leader is a nobody, who helped place more than a dozen killmails on the CODE. killboard, before quitting and vowing to never rejoin (because this would interfere with his Mussolini inspired plan, to establish a miner axis centered upon Dodixie Poinen).
[ 2017.03.24 21:55:30 ]
Hrothgar Nilsson > my great-grandfather is pure italian ancestry. Benito was his name.
Chemical brother > A lot of people in italy love Benito
Hrothgar Nilsson > Yes, because when there is a crisis, people often look to dictators to provide all the solutions. The New Order is people power, united behind the vision of James 315. James 315 is doing what Mussolini should have done.
Chemical brother > Italian history is very complicated…
Hrothgar Nilsson > The world needs to pay more attention to the history of Italy. Italy has been misjudged, misperceived, and had its character assassinated… So, I say, Viva Italia, and Via James 315 and the New Order!
Alt 00 > Kill: Lexxos (Mackinaw)
Hey retard, James 315 doesn’t like incel Wehraboo fascisti!
When Hrothgar heard James was retiring, he didn’t wait 48 hours. The rest of us were trying to keep the alliance running, and planning a nice funeral, but Hrothgar instantly created his own rival alliance. When the New Order was at its weakest and most vulnerable, Hrothgarlini tried to split the community. The shameless copycat even plagiarized the ticker JAMES. Some of us cared about the New Order, and we were disgusted. I offered Hrothgar ONE BILLION isk, if he would disband his fraudulent alliance, and rejoin the CODE. George went further, offering TEN BILLION isk. Hrothgar refused!
Like most gankbears, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Nowadays, he only speaks through a beta orbiter.
“I’m loyal to James Hrothtard, GRRR CODE.” members include the guy who conspired to ban the entire CODE. alliance from the minerbumping channel (and then quit, only to return, and then quit again, and then return, and then quit again), and the guy who sent hundreds of agents to eternal damnation.
If he were still alive, James would be alarmed to know these desperate traders have united. Meanwhile, they have all begun crawling inside the ruins, after abandoning the CODE. years ago. Back in the day, some of them declared war on James, but now they sleep with his corpse! What are they doing? Actual avowed antigankers, living inside the tomb, and furiously masturbating perverting his legacy.
Ward vowed to destroy me, and James 315.
Imagine, antigankers hiding inside the CODE. alliance.
When James died, he knew they would try this. Therefore, he sent a psychic message to the oracle, Talas Dir, who left a sign for all time. The prophecy of Talas proves that Aiko Danuja was chosen by the Gods. Exactly one month before the Jamespocalypse, Talas foretold that James would vanish, and be replaced by Aiko.
James always understood the importance of clear, concise, communication.
In May 2020, only a dozen people knew that James intended to retire, abdicating to his unemployed kickboxing ex-girlfriend.
Salty boomers who weren’t even in the CODE. alliance, can probably understand that they were never part of the inner circle, and that is probably why James didn’t bother to tell them about his plans for the future.
It is Aiko, whom destiny favours, as the greatest ganker in galactic history.
It is Aiko, whom James recognized, as championettess of Halaima.
All Glory to the Ice BWitchPrincess!
Previously, in Iceland, CCP faced tough questions.
One thing became clear, it is time for an Aiko statue.
This is an undeniable reality.
It’s what the galaxy needs.
Meanwhile, CCP Rattati defined “new player”.
Carebears believe in a regional skill gradient (from Highsec to nullsec). However, as Rattati stated, “You are not a new player, [just because you are] in Highsec.” According to CCP, players cease to be ‘new’ when they reach 30 days, or leave the New Player Experience. Highsec is not the tutorial, and it is not “griefing” to engage Naval Academy graduates.
Rattati noted that CCP wasted “considerable time and resources” investigating carebear allegations. While griefers do disrupt the tutorial, gankers don’t. CCP determined that gankers and griefers are two separate groups, and ganking is explicitly allowed. Isanamo is not a mining tutorial, nor is Uedama a hauling tutorial. These are elite PvP zones, and Rattati emphasized that ganking is “fair” gameplay.
COOL FACT: When we changed our alliance name, we ensured that autist crybots would get confused. If you still think James 315 is griefing miners, then you obviously aren’t paying attention. Fortunately, CCP is not siding with antigankers, and Rattati concluded (to thunderous applause), “Gankers, you’re SAFE.”
If antigankers care about noobs, why are they defending nullsec alts?
Previously, in the best EvE Online blog…
pravednik III paid 300 million isk to keep zvezda solnze safe.
I found this offer enticing and intriguing.
When I discovered zvezda mining, all alone, in a highly dangerous security system – I knew what to do. I gave her a gentle nudge, encouraging her to find a safer space to AFK bot farm. Safety first, always!
Wait, what?
Uh oh…
Here comes the Z!
xaxa western monkeys)))
Every miner has a background story.
Dest Royer came from a rough neighborhood.
He needed to express his feelings.
Sometimes, therapists need therapy.
With a name like Dest Royer…
…you know he is a mining machine.
Why else would loosers bully him?
The conversation became increasingly academic.
Finally, James Aiko asked the BIG question.
Dest is one mad therapist.
He is a trained psychoassassin.
Dest Royer took careful notes.
It was a revealing conversation.
I’m the best.
Sexist antigankers will never catch me.
They are too busy mansplaining EvE Online.
EvE doesn’t need autistic high-functioning losers lossers.
I’m the witch your mother warned you about.
You might think otherwise.
I don’t care.
I won’t even remember you.
Have fun watching me fuck miners.
You love it.
Cheers!
My goodness, I’m busy.
You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.
Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.
Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!
