Nabjorn Amatin > I am quiting this game I forgot it was full of assholes congrats though on not being able to make it in the real world Captain BeerMonster > calm down miner Nabjorn Amatin > I have quit its ok, the gank just remined me that assholes exsist in this game as they no longer have a refuge anywhere else
As the final boss of Highsec, I have always known my fate.
I am destined for success.
Let’s stroll through memory lane…
… remembering my predecessors.
Tenaj (March 2003-June 2003)
L0rd Zap (June 2003-March 2006)
Princess Suicide (March 2006 – July 2006)
The Sheik (July 2006 – March 2007)
karttoon was right (March 2007 – October 2008)
Jerry Rin (October 2008 – October 2009)
Princess Helicity (October 2009 – October 2011)
The Mittani (October 2011 – December 2012)
kalila meng (December 2012 – January 2013)
Khoda Khan (January 2013 – March 2013)
BLACK SKULL (March 2014 – October 2014)
Aria Stane (October 2014 – November 2014)
Zuzu (November 2014 – December 2014)
George (December 2014 – May 2015)
loyal (May 2015 – March 2016)
Siegfriend Cohenberg (March 2016 – April 2016)
Do you remember the mad minute?
Tweeps (April 19, 2016)
Kulorndo (April 19, 2016 – April 22, 2016)
Kalned givieth…
James 315 (April 2016 – June 2020)
….Korndul taketh.
Dresden Rubble Gnome (June 2020 – July 2020)
Princess Aiko (July 2020 – forever and ever)
Congrats to every participant! Each of you will receive a trophy, commemorating your activity (or lack thereof). The following chart shows each winner’s relative significance.
Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?
Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?
Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.
Many battles, she emerged victorious, Leaving her foes feeling notorious.
#SouthSide
Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.
James was a funny man, but I’m not.
I’m just here to help.
Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”
James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.
I don’t think this is funny.
Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?
I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.
Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH
“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.
Every Aiko Day, celebrated on June 24, we take time to think about Aiko (that’s me) and worship our (your) beloved princess. However, as CCP has repeatedly nerfed ganking, I cannot deny that my activity has declined. As the most active ganker in the game, those nerfs were clearly aimed directly at me, and I take pride in knowing CCP developers are in awe of me. One of them wrote, “As you might imagine, your name often comes across my desktop…” Indeed!
Over the past few months, several people have taken to routinely messaging me, whenever they feel my activity does not meet expectations. In order to address these concerns, I have decided this is the appropriate time to declare victory and be done with it.
I have already won EvE. I’m a winner! Not in the sense of quitting, but in the sense of doing quite well, and being generally pleased. As a new player, I joined the mighty CODE. alliance, and watched as that alliance died. Afterward, I made my own alliance, and observed as it grew stronger than anyone could imagine.
I think my alliance is amazing. Unlike every other alliance, we tolerate no miners. We are purely a PvP guild, and we do absolutely nothing to help newbros. I’m proud of that. Meanwhile, I don’t know how many records I broke. I don’t even know, because there are so many of them, and I consider that a truly decisive win.
I have destroyed more procurers than anyone else, in the entire history of EvE Online. I have killed more skiffs, more marauders, and more porpoises than anyone, ever. Furthermore, I achieved my victories in the most difficult way, ganking in Highsec, where I was forced to kill the target in seconds (before invincible CONCORD bots automatically defend the target). I’m been playing with a handicap, and I still managed to become #1. I’m not ashamed of that!
I know a few losers are trying to compete, desperately whoring on keepstars and doing whatever they can to catch up. At this rate, if they maintain their current pace (and I stop altogether), it will take them decades. These wannabes made an entire wannabe alliance, and they still can’t catch up. I’ve left them in the dustbin of history.
I know some people won’t understand, but look. It’s like running a race, and I’ve lapped my opponent repeatedly. I’ve crossed the finish line, and am now drinking a nice cool refreshing cranberry vodka. Other people are free to keep running, as much as they want, but the race is over and I’ve already won. I’m gonna get drunk, have a little party, and move on with my life. If you missed your chance, that’s too bad!
You can no longer defeat me, because I’ve already won. It’s over. Let’s say someday down the road, I’m trying to gank a freighter, and you come along to antigank, and by some unimaginable scenario I make a mistake… so you actually manage to ‘save’ the freighter. Woah! Have you won? No. I’ve already won. Nothing you do will ever matter, because you can can’t change history or take back my outstanding success.
What does all this mean? Well, I have no intention to stop. I will continue to gank miners, and record their whiny attempts to emotionally manipulate me with fake suicides. I’ve simply won, and I consider my victory to be permanent, irrevocable, and decisive. Anything I do beyond this point is merely a victory lap, in which I celebrate my success and adorn myself with accolades. What it comes down to, is I’m just not mentally ill enough to think I have anything to prove.
I’ve been playing EvE a fair amount these past few years. I don’t need any justification to do something else. However, if you want one, I’ve been writing another book, and brushing up on calculus. In so doing, I stumbled into a scholarship program for alcoholic young ladies with a troubled past. Lo and behold, I’ve received a scholarship to study electrical engineering. Thanks Lockheed! I don’t really want to, but ok? In a few months, I’ll probably be thinking more about integrating imaginary numbers, and I really just won’t have time to gank barges.
Without further ado, I would like to thank a few people. If you are my friend, great! If not, get fucked. If you want isk, that’s fair, but you will have to wait until I quit (which is not today). Someday, if I realize I’m not going to play at all, I will absolutely rain isk on my alliance. Until then, just know that even if I don’t care, I’m still the best.