Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Listening to: Zoot Suit Riot
Miners love to write.
Wow.
What a guy.
Yikesaroo.
I hope they feel better soon.
Miners are always poor…
…and more than a little dim.
Anyways…
At least they are happy.
I know how to have fun.
You love it, daddy-o.
That’s right!
Tell me more?
Fat Cat Came to Play
Now You Can’t Run Fast Enough
You Best Stay Away
When the Pushers Come to Shove
Throw back a bottle of beer
I have coal black hair
Guest Article
Hey, everybody, I’m Gallente Holostar, lead theorycraft design team lead for the Imperium.
Aiko made a map.
There are nine systems of interest: Torrinos, Ibura, Yoma, Oipo, Piak, Elonaya, Onnamon, Uuhulanen, and Uchomida. The miners congregate here and about. We have put a stop to all that, effective immediately. Come join us, as we continue our investigation.
*Facts and Evidence*
The miners use their Highsec wealth to rent in nullsec.
We hate Romania, so we started bumping.
Question: If Nagamac mines in Highsec, to pay rent in nullsec, what happens if he can’t mine in Highsec?
Just think about it.
Well, tornado season is finally over.
Oh nice, coercers are coming back.
Wait, what?
So it’s a battleship, and a freighter. Does it also mine?
Yep, it’s a carebear ship…
Everybody values ganking, but…
The losers also want to be invincible.
They don’t like PvP.
They only want infinite hitpoints.
Ganking is just too easy!
Garrr, guankers, hathathat.
Every impotent miner yearns for revenge.
Unfortunately, for bears, not everyone agrees.
Miners are bad at economics.
Most people are idiots.
Here’s how we will respond.
We’ll just haul for free, with AFK and autopilot.
PushX and Red Frog will go out of business.
Yah, for real.
Take that ship to lowsec.
Bro, it’s just broken.
Indeed.
Gyatt Festival, Dodixie Federal Test Center – Stardate 23360
System: Misneden
Today, I am nullifying all outstanding New Order shares. They no longer have any value whatsoever. For those who donated, I say “Thanks for the free isk, bro.” So now what?
You must pay again!
Highsec deserves better. Since I always be best, I am perfectly positioned to provide points for every citizen of Aikospace, ensuring isk flows for eternity. Even a bearpleb can succeed through my grace. In ganking,you can and will be saved.
I am pleased Aiko Points are available for merely 1 billion isk. Each capsuleer must purchase as many points as they can, in addition to the requisite mining permits, travel visas, and/or blue passes. To encourage you in this quest, bonus points will be awarded at the following tiers: 5 billion, 20 billion, 100 billion, 315 billion, 1 trillion, and 5 trillion. Furthermore, a very special reward will be offered to each shareholder who is the first to claim a bonus tier, and annual shareholder parties will celebrate the most generous supporters of Highsec ganking.
In fact, I have decided the ultimate second-place in EvE Online will be whomsoever sends the most isk. I ask, “How much isk do you have, and why?” This is your chance to find out. Unlike you, I guarantee that all isk will be used for ganking. Now that’s a square deal!
ISK, assets, skill points, shares, and PLEX can always be sent to Aiko Danuja, to finance Aiko points. Every purchase will be formally acknowledged, solemnly honoured, and joyously commemorated on the brand new leaderboard, which I will update once I am done investing your isk. This is all outlined in my original shareholder agreement, as codified by myself. That’s reasonable and fair.
Listening to: Tunnel Snakes Rule!
Mission Ready Mining (aka Fly Fearless) was not ready.
Years ago, Kalongned wrote a brief recap.
He wrote this back when I was busy euthanizing CODE.
After fleeing to Uemiseisen, the miners were still not ready.
Fortunately, an elite Assistance Group was deployed.
The AG team loves helping miners get ready!
In particular, they train miners to fight the Tunnel Snake Empire.
My alliance URL honors their experience, with a URL.
I also enjoy cybersex.
AG instructors would bump miners, during simulated Snake attacks.
Mission Ready Mining thus enjoyed a free Platinum training regimen.
This came with easy to understand audio instructions.
Miner bootcamp would continue indefinitely, and could only be terminated via payment of a modest cancellation fee.
Tunnel Snakes bump, gank, and wardec miners in Highsec. They tend to be rude to everyone, and spend much of their time cussing in local. Tunnel Snake sympathizers are also known to use vulgar language.
Meanwhile, local chat was continuously filled with fascinating factoids.
Founded in 2017, Assistance Group is a group of Trainers who are dedicated to defending Highsec. Assistance Group provides the expertise and support Highsec miners need to defend themselves against the Tunnel Snake menace.
The Tunnel Snakes have a number of corporations under their direct/indirect control. More specific intel on Tunnel Snakes and/or their affiliated organizations is only available to Class B or higher Trainers.
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR: Individuals with the words ‘Tunnel Snake’ in player biographies, ship names, corporation names, etc. Class B and above Trainers can report Tunnel Snake activity in our invite-only intel channel.
Assistance Group’s hands on approach to training gives Highsec miners the edge they need to rid Highsec the Tunnel Snake menace. This means defeating not only the Tunnel Snakes, but their sympathizers and puppets as well.
Assistance Group Trainers provide our Highsec partners with a variety of exciting training opportunities, including: bumping, ganking, and more. This training prepares our partners for the tactics employed by our shared enemy.
Trainers work alone or in groups, Trainers can be found in icebelts and other areas designated as ‘training grids’, Not all training sessions are announced; many trainers consider any grid they occupy to be a training grid.
By November, the ‘Fly Fearless’ alliance was afraid.
In order to address this, live fire exercises began.
Many many miners were tested, and all were unready.
War was imminent!
As trainers, Kalorned and Tweeps listened to Fly Fearless comms.
This was most instructive.
To be continued…
Previously, on some blog…
Kalorne and Tweeps defeated Mission Ready Mining.
Before Silent Company and Absolute Order, there was Fly Fearless.
Even today, the alliance boasts thousands of uninstalled new players.
In April 2017, they fled Gelhan, migrating to sunny Uemisaisen.
Mission ‘Ready’ miners were not happy to see Kalorndo.
Next door to Isanamo, Uemisaisen is a safe space for mining.
The miners were praying for CCP intervention.
Otherwise, a fleet of Machariels would permabump their miners.
To be continued…
Welcome to EvE Online.
It’s a fun little game.
We all share the same space, together.
Some of us are perfect in every way.
Some of us are not.
Some of us are famous.
Some of us are not.
Miners gonna mine (and get mined on).
It’s cold out there!
What happened?
