Category: Tears

PlexForce, Part 2

Previously, on James315.Space… lee dantier was mining in sunny Isanamo, just two jumps from Jita, when he was totally surprised to encounter the mighty CODE. alliance. lee tried to pretend that he was making a profit from dying, even though he was obviously an abject failure. Meanwhile, lee was friends with a group of 07bears. You might know the type, pubbies who dispense with the wave, and just go all in for hardcore salute roleplay. Welcome to the elite content of PlexForce07.

PlexForce07 isn’t just a sleuth of bears, they are also a clowder of goofuses, and they love AFK mining in a rhumba of Rattlesnakes. The leader is PlexForce Nick, and he’s a fun automating guy who likes to not interact with the EVE client. When Your Awesum Brutha realized that PlexForce07 is a klan of bots, a special GankForce was dispatched to decapitate the Grand Mufti. This proved easy, as he was away from keyboard.

Sometimes, when we say a miner is AFK, we mean only that he was utterly incompetent and failed to touch his keyboard, or glanced away from his monitor for more than one half millisecond. However, PlexForce was most definitely AFK in the most literal sense of the acronym. Consequently, like the captain of a battleship who is passed out drunk in his cabin, Nick didn’t even realize his ship had burst into flames.

Eighteen minutes passed, before he awoke to find himself floating in the nether.

Nick was only awake for a few seconds, before the lights went out again…

Everyone in Osmon was laughing at Nick, but he wasn’t amused.                  

To be continued…

PlexForce

We will be hosting the Celebration of Life at 23:00.
Dignitaries and notables will assemble at the Halaima Ice Palace.
There will be a live stream on the official CODE. YouTube.

New Order Logistics was on patrol in Isanamo, where Your Awesum Brutha discovered a goofus, just two jumps from Jita! Remembering his training, Brutha brought neutron hellfire upon the vagrant . This wasn’t lee’s first arrest, nor would it be his last.

Brutha assumed the miner learnt a valuable lesson, but was surprised when lee wrote a snitty email, bragging about all the ‘loot’ he acquired. The official Saviourette of Highsec was truly alarmed at the notion that miners might be profiting from ganks, so I pulled out my trusty pink calculator, and crunched the numbers. Assuming lee had platinum insurance, and assuming he recovered all loot, his maximum total gain was negative 8.865 million. Nevertheless, lee was convinced he was getting one up on the ‘ol Code enforcers. 

Just to be absolutely certain, so there was no confusion, I went back and checked my numbers. I tallied up all the costs and expenses, carefully conducting a rigorous review of the data. I repeatedly simulated the destruction of lee on a series of platforms, reaching the same exact conclusion fifteen hundred times in a row, and thus began to develop supreme confidence in my impeccable financial analysis.

Brutha provided these same calculations to lee, noting that lee couldn’t possible have acquired much loot, since Brutha’s loyal alt recovered the most valuable items (namely, three light neutron blasters and an illegal mining upgrade). Lee knew this to be true, and he began to snarl and spit, like a rabid raccoon.

Brutha regretted lee was no longer interested in postgank financial analysis, but he accepted lee’s wishes, and offered a sincere handshake. This only triggered lee, who was infuriated to realize that not only was Brutha a good player, and a reliable accountant, but Brutha was also the better sport.

Our ganking hero went on to have a real life, yet lee had nothing to do but stare at his EVEmail inbox. After half an hour, lee decided to fire another salvo.

A week later, lee dantier was astonished when his Rattlesnake exploded!!!

His friend’s Rattlesnake also exploded!

Why?????

To be continued…

The Plague of Nakugard, Part 10

The Plague of Nakugard, Part 1

Previously on James315. Space… Alt 00 sought to protect the miners from their own self-inflicted pestilence, but the Chinese botting virus claimed a morbid toll. Alt systematically purged the system with neutron blasts, dissembling the virus before it could replicate, but would this be enough to save Nakugard? As unrepentant miners continued to resist best practice safeguards, Alt decided it was time to make an example.

As James 315 once observed, “Highsec miners are like a box of chocolates. You never really know what’s inside until you tear the box open.” Some miners are idon’tcare bears, and other miners are goofus bears, but Cassiopaia Fondana was a cringy crybear. According to zkill, she lost an estimated $0.54, enough to feed her entire village for a week. I recently got a breakfast taco for $1.50, and I can only imagine how I might feel if Alt 00 grabbed a third of it. Cassiopaia’s lip trembled.

As Cassiopaia stared in dismay at her half eaten ice cream cone, melting on the concrete and already attracting ants, she began to realize that she would never, never, be able to play with her retriever ever again. Oh dear, she might be able to buy another retriever, but it just wouldn’t be the same barge, and tears began to well up in her sensitive eyes. Goodbye fair retriever, goodbye old friend…

Cassiopaia dealt with the situation just as she might deal with a similar crisis in real life. She began to stomp her feet, and gesticulated with her flailing hands. It was precisely the example Alt 00 intended, as the other miners began to notice a commotion.

 

It was precisely at this moment that Alt 00 made a power play, demonstrating once and for all the almighty power of the Code, praise be unto James on High!
 

Cassiopaia knew she would never see her barge again, and her wailing became increasingly shrill. Fortunately, she was invited to the premier Why Was I Ganked? channel, where New Order agents were standing by to help her.

Meanwhile, Cassiopaia continued to rend her garments in Nakugard local…

Everyone in Nakugard could see what happens when you disobey the safety regulations of the New Order, and they watched in horror as Cassiopaia gnashed her teeth.

The hapless bot was soon reduced to mere repetition in all channels…

The other miners did not want to wind up like Cassiopaia, and agreed it would be best to dock up and respect the quarantine. It was, as they say, another happy ending for the New Order. The ice floated free, unmolested and untainted by the foul mining pestilence.

Kage Rage, Part II

Previously, on James 315.Space... kage1982 was reaping a bountiful harvest of CODE. salt. As the alliance archives began to overflow, one intrepid space secretary investigated the tumult in sunny Isanamo.

kage1982 > JAMES 315 CAN SUCK MY BALLS

kage1982 > 315 SUCK MY BALLS

kage1982 > 315 SUCK MY BALLS

kage1982 > DEATH TO THE CODE

kage1982 > I AM THE LAW

Krig Povelli > Sounds like he might be broke

kage1982 > GO FUCK YOUR SELF

Koiso Komatsu > such a goofus

kage1982 > NONSES

Since 2012, the mighty CODE. alliance has offered free spelling and composition coursework for illiterate miners, available for just three billion isk per hour. kage1982 was determined to master multisyllable words, and eagerly enrolled at our award-winning Isanamo campus.

Ernst Steinitz > Some miners never learn

MINERBITCH > leeson done lernt

Knowledgeminer > LOL that kage1982, he was still mad?

Ulianov > yes

Knowledgeminer > I cannot imagine how mad he must be

Ernst Steinitz > he blocked me

On occasion, Kage would participate in solitary spelling bees…

[ 2020.05.29 19:18:57 ] kage1982 > BABY
[ 2020.05.29 19:18:59 ] kage1982 > GO
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:00 ] kage1982 > ALL
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:02 ] kage1982 > NIGHT
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:09 ] kage1982 > SOMETIME
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:12 ] kage1982 > ANYTIME
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:15 ] kage1982 > SUGAR
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:16 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:18 ] kage1982 > SWEET
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:22 ] kage1982 > LITTLE
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:25 ] kage1982 > MISS
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:28 ] kage1982 > AH
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:31 ] kage1982 > INNOCENT
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:34 ] kage1982 > SUGAR
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:36 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:39 ] kage1982 > YEAH
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:40 ] kage1982 > YEHA
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:45 ] kage1982 > SO
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:51 ] kage1982 > CMON
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:53 ] kage1982 > TAKE
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:54 ] kage1982 > A
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:57 ] kage1982 > BOTTLE
[ 2020.05.29 19:19:59 ] kage1982 > SHAKE
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:00 ] kage1982 > IT
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:01 ] kage1982 > UP
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:06 ] kage1982 > BREAK
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:07 ] kage1982 > THE
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:09 ] kage1982 > BUBBLE
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:12 ] kage1982 > BREAK
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:13 ] kage1982 > IT
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:15 ] kage1982 > UP
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:25 ] kage1982 > POUR
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:27 ] kage1982 > SOME
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:29 ] kage1982 > SUGAR
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:30 ] kage1982 > ON
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:32 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:34 ] kage1982 > IN
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:35 ] kage1982 > THE
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:37 ] kage1982 > NAME
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:38 ] kage1982 > OF
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:41 ] kage1982 > LOVE
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:43 ] kage1982 > POUR
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:44 ] kage1982 > SOME
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:45 ] Andross Kaelen > Kill: Diana Denisowna (Leopard)
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:46 ] kage1982 > SUGAR
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:51 ] kage1982 > ON
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:54 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:20:57 ] kage1982 > CMON
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:01 ] kage1982 > FIRE
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:01 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:04 ] kage1982 > UP
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:08 ] kage1982 > POUR
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:09 ] kage1982 > SOME
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:10 ] kage1982 > SUGAR
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:12 ] kage1982 > ON
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:13 ] kage1982 > ME
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:16 ] kage1982 > I
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:18 ] kage1982 > CANT
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:20 ] kage1982 > GET
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:25 ] kage1982 > ENOUGH
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:30 ] kage1982 > IM
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:31 ] kage1982 > HOT
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:33 ] kage1982 > STICKY
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:35 ] kage1982 > SWEET
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:39 ] kage1982 > FROM
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:40 ] kage1982 > MY
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:42 ] kage1982 > HEAD
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:43 ] kage1982 > DOWN
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:47 ] kage1982 > TO
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:50 ] kage1982 > MY
[ 2020.05.29 19:21:51 ] kage1982 > FEET
[ 2020.05.29 19:25:11 ] Sexy Shower Time > You have a unique way of creating content

He would also practice his maths…

[ 2020.05.29 19:33:40 ] kage1982 > 1
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:40 ] kage1982 > 2
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:41 ] kage1982 > 3
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:42 ] kage1982 > 4
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:43 ] kage1982 > 5
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:44 ] kage1982 > 6
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:45 ] kage1982 > 7
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:46 ] kage1982 > 8
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:46 ] kage1982 > 9
[ 2020.05.29 19:33:48 ] kage1982 > 10

…and kage joined the campus choral club…

kage1982 > I CAN DO IT SO I WILL

kage1982 > IM ADDING CONTENT

kage1982 > I CAN DO IT SO I WILL

kage1982 > IM SAVING EVE THROUGH SONG

Krig Povelli > I would like to request “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 65

[ 2020.05.29 20:01:00 ] kage1982 > heres
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:01 ] kage1982 > the
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:03 ] kage1982 > story
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:05 ] kage1982 > about
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:06 ] kage1982 > a
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:07 ] kage1982 > little
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:09 ] kage1982 > guy
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:10 ] kage1982 > who
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:11 ] kage1982 > lives
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:12 ] kage1982 > in
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:13 ] kage1982 > a
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:15 ] kage1982 > blue
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:16 ] kage1982 > world
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:19 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:20 ] kage1982 > all
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:21 ] kage1982 > day
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:22 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:25 ] kage1982 > all
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:27 ] kage1982 > night
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:29 ] kage1982 > everything
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:30 ] kage1982 > he
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:31 ] kage1982 > sees
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:33 ] kage1982 > is
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:34 ] kage1982 > just
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:36 ] kage1982 > blue
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:38 ] kage1982 > like
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:43 ] kage1982 > him
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:45 ] kage1982 > inside
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:46 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:50 ] kage1982 > outside
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:53 ] kage1982 > blue
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:55 ] kage1982 > his
[ 2020.05.29 20:01:58 ] kage1982 > house
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:00 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:03 ] kage1982 > his
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:05 ] kage1982 > blue
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:07 ] kage1982 > window
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:09 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:09 ] kage1982 > a
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:11 ] kage1982 > blue
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:15 ] kage1982 > corvette
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:22 ] kage1982 > and
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:40 ] kage1982 > every
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:42 ] kage1982 > thing
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:43 ] kage1982 > hje
[ 2020.05.29 20:02:46 ] kage1982 > sees
[ 2020.05.29 20:03:10 ] kage1982 > is
[ 2020.05.29 20:03:12 ] kage1982 > just

As I proceeded with my investigation of the Isanamo incident, it wasn’t clear whether kage1982 is a goofus, but I discerned a pattern.

To be continued…

BONUS CONTENT: I was recently relaxing in the elite director’s only Omegle channel, where I was angrily confronted by one of our former fans. After a thoroughly autistic meta-analysis, they were shocked to discover that the previous blog post had been stepped on! Although the length was a respectable 712 words, fully 15% was copied and pasted from Jita local and the English Help channel. Yikes! Can you imagine snorting a line of your favourite blog, and then realizing that you are done for the day? Double yikes! This is precisely what Stephen King was concerned about when he wrote Misery. Don’t worry miner, just send a few billion isk to James 315, and I’ll get you the good stuff.

BONUS ENDORSEMENT: If you aren’t an ASL voice verified Marshal of the Old Guard, you might be wondering whether the Good News is true. Has the blog returned, to save us all again? Well, last night on the Twitch, an official space angel descended from the Heavens to speak unto Zaenis and unmute the Word. Full faith or no faith, always!

Kage Rage

As the official CODE. secretary, I recently discovered 150 megabytes of salt…

Kagemaru Ingano > New Year Lotto!!! Win your own Astero with only 5,28M to start your own explorations TODAY!!! 10more to go New Year Lotto!!! Win your own Astero with only 5,28M to start your own explorations TODAY!!! 10more to go

Kageoni Atumaru > HyperNet offer: Corelum C-Type 10MN Afterburner HyperNet offer: Coreli A-Type 5MN Microwarpdrive HyperNet offer: Coreli A-Type 1MN Afterburner

Kagemaru Ingano > New Year Eve Lotto : Win your own Gila with 35M only

When you search through the voluminous CODE. archives, you learn to despise Jita, which clogs the chat logs with endless trash. I was looking for kage1982, but he wasn’t in Jita, at least not on this day. I needed to refine my search.

I eventually found him with the wayback machine…

Channel Name: English Help

kage1982 > Hi guys i redeemed my Skill points for the log on rewards but instead of applying them its given me an item i cant use or move

That’s right friend, we are always listening – always! Now that we know what we are searching for, we can easily pick him out of a crowd, even in Jita.

Steelbreaker Onzo > HyperNet offer: Rattlesnake HyperNet offer: Large Skill Injector HyperNet offer: Panther HyperNet offer: Golem HyperNet offer: Paladin less than 4 mil per node!

kage1982 > Ernst Steinitz off to kill your mates instead

TARANTUL BEL > Предложение гиперсети: @@@@@@@@@@Republic Fleet Medium Shield Extender*

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Sobaseki
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Isanamo

Sometimes he appears like a faint echo, far too late to affect reality…

[ 2020.05.22 21:17:03 ] Ernst Steinitz > No Permit = No Ship
[ 2020.05.22 21:17:20 ] kage1982 > watch for code

Occasionally, he is triggered, exploding like a bomb… In other cases, he will just give you the silent treatment.

Kinch Dedalus > how much is a permit?

kage1982 > code a bunch of grown men who have very sad uninteresting real lives so the pretend to be some authority on here going round attackign miners and other random players all to cover the shortfallings of real life where they are sad pathetic loosers who dont matter

Kinch Dedalus > sounds like you didnt have a permit

kage1982 > i can give you deatailed instructons of where to shove your permit

Blitz Kishunuba > i suggest you read the code

kage1982 > i sugest you shove a sansha ship up your arse

kage1982 > honestly i recon these sad twats go around telling folk they are “pro gamers” when in fact they a low class dole scum

kage1982 > best way to haze code is block their toons

When Overmind logged in to praise me and check if he was even still in CODE., Kage was already there, attacking the confused ‘agent’ with unprecedented accuracy.

kage1982 > Overmind Niminen you just sit there and cower in your station

Meanwhile, kage infiltrated the MinerBumping channel, where he boldly announced that he wasn’t intimidated by CODE.’s fearsome reputation. 

zander kage > honestly though rare i bother with this toon but thought id drop by to let you know what shitbags you are

zander kage > go on all you like about ganks son not phasing me

Your Awesum Brutha > Calm down miner

zander kage > proper noob tears of salt

Ernst Steinitz > Please calm down miner

zander kage > i drink your salty tears

Sun-Tzu Rollard > he is a tough guy

zander kage > you seem mad

Your Awesum Brutha > are you interested in buying a permit?

zander kage > are you interested in stopping crying?

Faster Eddy > lol, another day, another angry illegal miner

zander kage > calm down

zander kage > calm your salty tears

zander kage > calm down you seem mad

In a galaxy full of CODE. Space Bullies, one man is always ready to dish out the salt.

zander kage > im guessing you have to play space bullies because daddy isnt proud of you
To be continued…

Bonus Content: Pix Severus has recently decided to continue his blog, MTU Hunter. Check it out! As you know, mining structures will often explode and shower bystanders with miner bits. Some people enjoy “treasure hunting on a galactic scale”, and this hobby is certainly more respectable than mining in Isanamo.

 

 

Miner, Don’t Beat Your Wife! – Part 2

Previously on James315.Space… Rob-MMC’s wife was driving the family mining business into bankruptcy, and he needed 300 billion isk… fast!

ROB-MMC > The website is saying Im at a plex limit for today…..this is dumb…..aint yall the code……it wont let me buy more than the 500 plex i just bought…

ROB-MMC > I bought 2500 plexs and now they say i have to wait…..I thought you guys controlled the game……Can yall allow me to purchase more Plex as 300 bil ISK is not easy to get

Oxycon > Please bio mass all your characters

Rob’s bank didn’t trust him with money, and he began to feel desperate, contemplating a little illegal mining.

ROB-MMC > You cant mine in low or null sec as they kill you on site and say go back to hi sec…..so where the fuck do you mine…ha ha ha…..I really am trying to know

BillNye TheGankerGuy > karmafleet is recruiting

ROB-MMC > Lmmfao………Karmafleet they have killed me several times….they ran me from Amarr and Minmater space….they are mean as hell and hate everyone

ROB-MMC > Thsi was wayyy back in Oshiama………..I was happy here….but they just wanted war…….and they dropped my orcas like flyes…….ha ha ha…..so I moveed here and now yall at war as well…

ROB-MMC > When you ask to join they deny you…..its like high school

ROB-MMC > So people like me need a new game as this is a friends only game….see CCP needs to say that like only join if you have friends……so confusing

Dom Arkaral > something something make friends? git gud

It occurred to Rob that football players and cheerleaders were probably doing well in EVE, and meanwhile he was just a bitter jellybear.

ROB-MMC >  Ive lost 6 orcas I thought they was going for my orca, but hit my wife……..thanks alot….but still i just want to be safe in hi sec

mat Otsito > high sec is by far the most dangerous place

Rob’s sob story was pitiful, but he still owed 300’000’000’000 isk to James 315.

ROB-MMC > I cant afford that and cant buy the plex…so I should quit and go beat the fuck out my wife as she the cause and now I cant do shit on my off day but look at her…..Yeak slapping the shit out of her…..soon as i guess log off….yall hate me now and will kill on sight thanks for the info and I should have kept this game to myself as bitches ruin everything

mat Otsito > what?

ROB-MMC > ok ok……..fuck the other 2 accts, she omega and my son is alpha……..Ill delete them now……..Can I have my main released from this EVE ass courtroom……I wanna mine….I just told this bitch she will be a single homeless parent she touch my fucking eve game…….so can i please get back to mining

Sun-Tzu Rollard > are you admitting that you are account sharing?

ROB-MMC > Im on her account fuck yes….cause she caused this….i docked my main and he sitting there……..

Oxycon > ROB434 Mays I guess this is your main then

ROB-MMC > YESSSSSSS can you not block or red flag him please

The discovery of another ROB account revealed endless pain and heartbreak…

Rob was ready to kill his entire family…

ROB-MMC > But I have 3 computers ijn my house and only use one at a time….thats why its 3 accts not 1 acct and 2 alts
ROB-MMC > I play my way and they play theres
ROB-MMC > I can delete this acct now and my son shit can be gone as we;ll

If allowing the miner to vent his profanities toward me in local saves his wife or children one extra beating, that’s something I’ll gladly take. The miner has to take it out on somebody, and I’d rather it be me than some household full of children out there.

In his infinite wisdom, James 315 foresaw such depravity, and agents of the CODE are trained to intervene and assist troubled miners.

mat Otsito > can i have your stuff before you biomass
Oxycon > Are you having some sort of mental breakdown?
Lord Osama3rd Hita > lol
Dom Arkaral > ↑

The miner was relieved to find someone he could talk to…

ROB-MMC > I work 16 hr shift at work and I play this game everyday there and its my peace of mind…….and yes i am if i have to kill this bitch for ruining my game…..she be facebook, instagram…….all that stupid shit…but wanna fuck up my eve…she lucky im on her acct trying to save it and not kicking her ass til I feel better or find 300 bil in ISK

ROB-MMC > stupid ass girl…i wanna kill her

Dom Arkaral > uhm

ROB-MMC > I was enjoying my day,,,,,,and this goof ass girl and made enemies with yall and now she upfront looking stupid and all yall wanna kill me for her stupidity

BillNye TheGankerGuy > get some help

Dom Arkaral > just log off

Knowledgeminer > wtf

Rob’s audience was increasingly appalled by his toxic masculinity, but one veteran goofus piped up to express miner solidarity.

Kariza Yang > Honestly. I can relate. I’m a disabled combat vet and play to relax.

Miners disgust me.

BONUS CONTENT: Back in 2015, James 315 created the The Official Twitter Account for Minerbumping and the New Order of Highsec.For the past five years, he has retained this closely guarded communications channel, utilized by senior directors of The Conference Elite. Now that we are wholly victorious across all of New Eden, James has solemnly authorized this Twitter account as the official VOICE of Highsec. Praise be unto James, whence floweth all good things!

Miner, Don’t Beat Your Wife!

ROB-MMC > And when you say praise his name…like get on my knees and praise him the way i do Jesus Christ…….So Maje James 315 my Lord and praise him as my new GOD….Jesus is no longer my GOD.

mat Otsito > For those of us just logged in, what did this guy lose?

No, that’s not the right killmail… Ah, here we go!

After losing a Mackinaw, Rob’s wife lost her Retriever to Ulianov…

GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM > today you have been declared guilty and must redeem yourself… what a shame of fit, btw

Rob wasn’t very happy with this downward progress.

ROB-MMC > thats my wifes ship…….we always online together mining…..so Im confused and yall can have this game,,,,,wtf…why fit it with people like yall around….im not fucking stupid… Fuck the fit……..yall gone take it anyway….lol. I been learned that lesson

However, he would feel better if someone dunked his wife (again).

ROB-MMC > ROB-MMC’s Procurer Come gank this as my wife is flying that now Isikano III – Asteroid Belt 1

ROB-MMC > Its a much better fit as I told her not to fit it like that but she dont listen

He was getting all excited, just thinking about someone dunking upon his wife.

ROB-MMC > so if you hit her again…..that would be great as I love to see her upset…lol. The sex is amazing

GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM > your wife is also a bot-aspirant

ROB-MMC > What does bot mean if Im a fucking human playing and so is my wife……I boost her with my orca and we both play…wtf

ROB-MMC > Tjis is her account and thanks for adding her to bad standings so you can kill her everyday now…….cool

Why was Rob on his wife’s account? T’was a mystery with no easy answers.

ROB-MMC > yall saying i broke laws and she probably did….my wife is an asshole….and she says what she wants….I google permits and CODE shit ad nothing came up,,,,so its either a scam or yall just dont like black players…im confused and just want to mine…but if thats not the case then she ruined my game and now ill find something else to play…..Yall won

MINERBITCH > It’s not against TOS to have multiple accounts, no need to use a blowup doll and another PC to multibox mining.

ROB-MMC > I dont understand……..so Im only allowed to have 1 acct. Then why did EVE send me an email saying you can have muultiple accounts……i would never have let my wife fuck me if i knew it was a lie and only 1 could be on eve at a time…..CCP lied to me and now Im punished….bullshit

One thing was clear, Rob is a typical highsec miner.

Oxycon > Ok, I will try and explain. You can have all the accounts you want, play them as you want, but you need a permit to mine in CODE. space.

ROB-MMC > Oh….ok…….so all 70k systems in hi sec are CODE’s

Lord Osama3rd Hita > Buy the permit… Otherwise, get the hell out…

ROB-MMC > I got 3 accts,,,,,,,,,but yall want 100 bil an acct who the hell has that

ROB-MMC > So now do i just quit or I have to join a low sec corp

If he couldn’t come up with 300 billion isk, he was going to be evicted. He prayed that the New Order has a welfare system which would accommodate his incompetence.

ROB-MMC > I really dont know how to play……….so where do i go as no where is safe and now Im a red target

Lord Osama3rd Hita > just have to figure it out yourself.

Blitz Kishunuba > I bought a permit and my quality of lifes never been better

Lord Osama3rd Hita > ^^^^^^^^

Oxycon > ^

MINERBITCH > I suggest not skilling towards exhumers

Oilrag > I like high sec suicide ganking.

Everyone took time to listen and offer sympathetic advice.

ROB-MMC > I can use my debit card and i got maybe 200 cash to spare that should be enough plex to buy 3 permits at 100 bil a piece….who do i pay

ROB-MMC > Now that I want to pay……..no one wants to tell me….wow

Oxycon > no one wants you to spend real money

Antiganking white knights often claim that the New Order is full of evil ruffian griefers and real-life criminals, but the reality is that nobody wanted to take advantage of Rob. Everybody just wants him to get some help, for his wife’s sake.

ROB-MMC > I enjoy this game and I love my wife but that bitch is not online as much as i am, and I love to play and mine….for real….so i can just buy all the plex in the world to enjoy the game….i aint invest all that time and training for a bitch to fuck it up……I am ready to pay whatever….just I need alot of Plex to cash in 300 bil……Im doing it now……

Kariza Yang > damn.. someone fucked up

ROB-MMC > I just to get back to mining…..dammit…this is not how i wanted to spend my off day……damn near wanna punch this bitch in the face….fucking pissed

Rob was getting angrier and angrier, just thinking about how much his wife had already lost, and now he needed to come up with 300 billion isk!

To be continued…

BONUS CONTENT: Our good friend Zaenis Desef made an awesome Kills of the Week video. A lot of miners have been asking how they can identify an official CODE. government press release, and I refer them to the words of our Saviour, which are verily filled with gold and dripping with luscious sweet honey, “A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits, ye shall know them.” Clearly, everyone should subscribe to Desef’s fruitful channel and learn to make 50 million isk, nice!