Sex – Page 20 – ‎James 315 Space

To Stupid, Part 3

When the Saviourette happens to be a beautiful young woman, miners take notice. They like what they see, but don’t like what it means for their wallet.

Previously, in James 315 Space, Alt 00 was concerned about a troublesome miner. Naturally, I understood right away, what she was dealing with. It’s just not easy being a lady. Female gankers have to work twice as hard, both dunking the foolish miners and simultaneously fending off their amorous advances.

Adrien Naline still doesn’t understand why Alt won’t put out.

He makes her uncomfortable, not just in-game, but in real life. It is disturbing to realize that someone is fantasizing about mining your mouth. It’s even more alarming when you notice that multiple men share this same obsession.

We try to be polite, but miners constantly push our boundaries.

We only want their money, and assets. That’s it! There is no need for unsolicited poems, rambling mails, and invitations to visit San Diego.

This just continues, year after year…

CCP protects carebear mining autists, but the CSM is a bastion of toxic masculinity, and the angels of Highsec endure endless abuse.

Adrien yearns to abduct Alt 00.

Like ~~most stalkers~~ all miners, he is mentally unstable.

Fortunately, us girls know exactly how to deal with men.

Of course, they often respond inappropriately to rejection.

Ginger Ale907 posted an offensive image, which was not censored.

View the scandalous image, at your discretion!

CCP just doesn’t care, but even Adrien was shocked.

The other miners didn’t understand…

… but Adrien is starting to get it.

Gankers don’t date miners.

Rudokop Forever, Part 9

Rudokop Forever, Part 1

Previously, in James315.Space… Adrian Vexier upset Soviet goblok Rudokop Forever, who sent an alt to discretely warn Adrian’s alts.

Sim Gallent aspired to bothood.

What happened?

Everyone agreed, this was for the best…

…despite objections from Rudokop.

Alas, the Jamespocalypse fell upon Arraron, and Rudokop feared that ghastly creatures from EVE Online were spreading evil in reality. He finally understood who was bumping his Orca, it was none other than Erotica 1, the Devil himself!

Rudokop may be a Soviet miner, but he is also a pious orthodox Christian.

Or maybe, he is just a salty roleplayer?

Regardless, Adrian wanted him to be a happy miner.

Alas, Rudokop is perpetually upset.

Adrian just can’t stop winning.

Rudokop just can’t stop whining.

He will cry forever.

To be continued…

CODE. is Back

Listening to: Selection 40

***

The mighty CODE. alliance never actually left, but regardless, we are back (again). Agents don’t need sleep, we just need more synthetic coffee.

Sentinul wasn’t sure how to check what alliance Ebb Eto is in, but he had a suspicion, maybe. It was hard to tell, although there were clues.

Sentinul was a happy miner. He spent an entire day, mining to his heart’s content, earning the in-game equivalent of approximately a dollar.

I can understand how Sentinul felt, celebrating another glorious victory. However, I think his expectations might be a little low. He was isk positive, but a month of PLEX is currently valued at 1.3 billion isk, which means that Sentinul would need to grind for a fortnight. Indeed, he was starting to do the math.

It could be done, but somebody was slowing him down.

He wasn’t upset. However, mining can be lonely.

Really lonely.

Sentinul admired Archie Audene‘s portrait.

Sentinul just wanted a friend.

However, he was all alone in the galaxy.

Well, not entirely…

Sentinul didn’t mind the occasional gank, but hoped it would stop.

To be continued…

Moving On

Some people believe the CODE. alliance died years ago, when James 315 was permabanned. Others believe it died a few months ago, at the very moment James passed on. Still others believe it was dead from the start. However, readers of the blog know divine truth: James is far more powerful dead than alive. It also benefits me, so I’ll allow it.

Miners and plebs fixate upon the ‘Great War’, as my tributaries quarrel over the Delve, but they fail to understand this conflict began in Halaima (a peaceful mining system, near Jita). A true Princess never forgets.

Like, whatever!

Lewak began preaching a strange heresy. According to Lewakites, multiboxing is an evil sin, and Omega accounts are terribly unfair to poor alphas. All implants, no matter the type or purpose, are absolutely verboten. Meanwhile, Lewak glorified implanted multiboxing antigankers, who ‘enforce’ the CODE. upon the CODE. Lewak even began failganking on scouts, claiming that real gankers never use combat probes. We had a little disagreement, so I discussed this with Loyal, Globby, Tweeps, and Holdmybeer. They all asked the same question. “Who is Lewak?” Something had to be done, before the alliance was reduced to nothing but weird roleplayers! Praise James! 07

Actually, yes, I just might…

Fighting spread across Lonetrek, with fierce combat in Isanamo. Here, disgusting heretics were besieged inside an abandoned Nurtura warehouse, desperately scrounging for scraps of biomass and stale soylent wafers. Meanwhile, descending from Moon 21, spaceborne Khanid flametroopers rained hellfire upon their enemies. Neutron blasts scoured cities, as machine guns splattered bullets down narrow streets. The CODE. Civil War truely happened, and this permanently shifted the galactic balance of power.

My, what a difference a year makes.

So, where do we go from here?

Our vassals can squabble, but we’ve got business in Highsec, and the Summer Hole War is over. We know what to do, and our friends support us. We will simply apply a new litmus test, and this will root out all the closet bears.

PRAISE PRINCESS AIKO, SAVIOURETTE OF HIGHSEC,
AND HOLY EMPRESS OF CODE.

(pro tip: listen to the above on a permanent loop)

I recently discovered Lewak’s new mining alt corp, and confronted ~~him~~ her about his mining habit. Only someone with the honest integrity of a true Princess can defeat such treasonous minery. Indeed, she confessed to his illegal crimes, and (after praising me) was duly punished according to the laws of the Halaima Halama.

BEHOLD THE CONFESSION OF THE MINING TRAITOR

That’s right. Miners are liars. Always!

What a crab!

Rudokop Forever, Part 8

Rudokop Forever, Part 1

Previously in James315.space… Adrian Vexier was seduced by the spider witch of Highsec. Consequently, he forsaked the antiganking community, transmorphing into a Russian hunting demon. Of course, the New Order logs and records absolutely everything (always), and there is naturally a video of the time that Rudokop Forever‘s alt SIM Gallent tried to trick Adrian. As faithful readers know, this didn’t work.

Afterward, Rudokop sulked, humiliated before a coven of demons.

He had faith, vengeance would come in the afterlife.

Local miners attempted to help Rudokop calm down.

However, he was beyond consolation.

Rudokop’s alt urged Adrian’s alt to betray his demonic leader.

Meanwhile, Rudokop cried as evil forces pushed him away from the ice and ore.

Alas, his favourite potato farm was haunted by space ghouls.

This was upsetting for him.

Rudokop’s alt foretold a dire prophecy. The demonic attacks would continue.

Indeed, Rudokop’s other alt was already doomed.

To be continued…

***

BONUS: Miners pretend the CODE. is some kind of Veldspar mafia, imagining James 315 as a mobster and a goon. Now that James is dead as a door nail, it is important that we resist such vile slanders. Blake McAllister‘s artwork portrays James as he really was: a dapper business man, and a respected pillar of the community.

Old James is as dead as a door-nail. Mind! I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the galaxy’s done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that James is as dead as a door-nail.

To Stupid, Part 2

Previously, in James315.space... Adrien Naline is a filthy boor, who has spent years stalking and sexually harassing Alt 00. She repeatedly declined his advances, and yet he continues to violate her boundaries, because he is a disgusting pig.

EVE Online is best known as a friendly family game, where laggy spaceships slowly explode in glitchy fireballs, much like the three supercarriers my mom lost in Querious. However, there is a seedy underside to the game, and you may be shocked to learn that uncivilized Highsec miners frequently abuse their angelic caretakers.

Alt 00 is often disappointed by Adrien’s toxic behaviour.

Recently, Adrien was inspired by a lovely portrait of Princess Aiko.

However, he soon realized that Aiko is a staunch feminist.

Adrien panicked, as the CODE. alliance is now a mighty matriarchy.

As a weak man, Adrien felt sorely diminished by the rise of a strong woman.

Oppressed by alpha females, Adrien saw only one way to regain his masculinity.

CCP bans CODE. agents for the slightest indiscretion, but takes no action against vile miners. Have you ever noticed this? As Alt 00 was pondering such hypocrisy, she was pleased to watch the passage of Aiko’s entourage.

Adrien was filled with passion, desperately trying to kiss Alt 00.

Other miners urged Alt 00 to lower herself to the depths of depravity.

It was a typical day in Highsec.

To be continued…

Rudokop Forever, Part 7

Previously, in James315.Space… A procurer was dunked by Kanye North, but (for some reason) the miners blamed their “wise” Princess Aiko. We did a postgank interview with the bot, and had a little chat. Halandar Uitra is not a happy miner. He got into voice comms, and called Princess Aiko a “fat bitch”, outrageous! Halandar wants every Highsec carebear to check out Aiko, she’s evil and delusional (but cool).

***

Rudokop Forever, Part 1

Previously, in James315.Space.. . Rudokop Forever tried to trick Adrian Vexier, and his alts reported the loss of a battleship and a logistics cruiser.

Local chat filled with the radioactive tears of a third-rate Soviet gulag, as Rudokop alt Ivan Mihalich SIM wailed in grief.

However, Adrian denied the allegation.

Technically, according to Rudokop, Adrian is a specific form of demon. He is a succubus, a sexual demoness. Once upon a time, Adrian denounced Princess Aiko as “the whore of James”, but karma finally caught up with him.

As Rudokop sought to exorcise Adrian, the ritual drew a crowd of Highsec farmers, who were soon engaged in theological debate.

Adrian suggested that perhaps Rudokop is hysterical, but Rudokop argued that Adrian’s actions constitute proof of demonic possession.

It is perplexing, that Rudokop considered his battleship to be a “defenseless miner”, although this is an accurate description of Ivan‘s combat performance. Regardless, there appeared to be only one way to eject Adrian’s soul from Arraron, and Rudokop thus began casting a counterdemon spell (with some help from his alts).

It did not work, and Rudokop was awestruck. How could such a being exist?

As the days went by, Rudokop grew to accept there was nothing whatsoever he could do, to remove the evil spectre haunting local. He settled for the tiresome toil of the crier, alerting his fellow serfs to the woes and ill tidings of outer space.

Before long, other demons began visiting Arraron, melding with Adrian.

The monsters began to mock Rudokop, their voices echoing across the star system.

Perhaps Adrian is a demonic whore, but what is Rudokop?

To be continued…

The Best Revenge, Part 85

The Best Revenge, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… His grand excellency, aiva naali, aka 140, aka Kingpin, aka the Caravaneer, has been skyrocketing to super stardom. It’s always a total mindtrip, when you officially become leader of the most powerful alliance in the galaxy. I can only imagine how he must feel, to find himself standing astride the shoulders of giants. Indeed, aiva’s name is already engraved in the Hall of Heroes, alongside his esteemed peers: James 315, Leia Jadesol, Zaenis Desef, Kanye North, and the Mittani. Unfortunately, when his laptop suddenly exploded, everything came to a screeching halt.

Fortunately, via his cellphone, Agent Anvil, aka the nullsec nomad, was still able to access the official Goonswarm High Command discord.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Go Goons!

It is the hub of the hive.

Everybody wanted to play EVE, but Wu Flu was spreading dark gloomy news across the galaxy, and Princess Aiko urged quantum to solve reality.

The Gewnfuehrer just needed three years, and some spare parts, to save New York. Governor Cuomo sends his eternal gratitude.

It was a true team effort, and Goonswarm’s leading industrial experts were summoned, to assemble all the required modules.

Princess Aiko urged quantum to do whatever it might take to save the world.

Just then, Tweeps interrupted with an important announcement.

As always, Princess Aiko kept James 315 updated on every nuance.

The new Slack channel was automated, perfect for quarantined leadership.

Although James intended to pass away, he wanted to ensure his ‘lil bullet was always guided with words of wisdom from above.

To ensure that quantum’s biological needs were fully met, James asked Aiko to join Quantum in the quarantine chamber.

Together, they would wait out the pandemic, just the two of them.

Aiva misspelled his own name, presumably to maintain operational security.

To be continued…

I am PermaBanned

Princess Aiko, much like James 315, is a permabanned hero of the CODE. In her moment of immortal Ascendance, she went out with a bang, dunking on a hapless Venture in Raussinen. As the official Grover Cleveland of the New Order, her reign as Queen Regent has been brief, yet she flares brilliantly like a butterfly in heat.

If you read the dodgy memoirs of grumpy old bureaucrats, Princess Aiko was always a spoiled brat, who merely slept her way to the top. However, those who undocked during the Great War of Extirpation, will often describe her as a brilliant strategess. They also recall blueberry muffins, with soothing cups of chamomile tea.

Aiko’s path to immortality began on a windy Wednesday in 2017, when Sirtech Silicore was arrested by the Gate Tax Collection Agency.

Sirtech slumbered for more than three years, until he finally decided to once again become a new returning player, stealing some ore from Princess Aiko.

Like two slinky cats, Aiko and Kalomira hissed at each other.

Only a GrandMaster could resolve their bitter dispute over mining rights.

Alas, Aiko blasted the wrong Venture.

Kalomira had powerful alts in Highsec.

Felicia Dey is a pillar of the mining community.

When asked for a lossmail, she linked an old MinerBumping post.

It was definitely the same bot…

Innostunut Sonni > miner, please calm down
Magalaus Shardani > im assuming Felicia Dey is british and refering to cigarettes
Zaenis Desef > maybe
Felicia Dey > No you are a bunch of cum guzzling faggots
Zaenis Desef > ALL HAIL Aiko Danuja!
Zopiclone > Thats right
Felicia Dey > Id kick er in cunt\

…with the exact same sentiments.