It’s new player appreciation day!
Cheerzah brav!
Fun times in EvE Online.
Another satisfied customer.
That’s right.
Meet a Newbro
Category: Sales
Slow Boil
I’m a real Highsec escort.
That’s right.
Recently, miner Nigel ran into trouble.
He’s just a 2015 newbro.
So I agreed to assist.
I love to help the little guys.
Apparently, the mining pacifists lost a control tower?
No money? No problem!
Just send me your stuff.
It was his idea!
I’m glad we came to an agreement.
Cheerzah brav!
He just needs to pay.
That’s right.
There was just one problem.
I’ve done this before.
It works well.
I call it the 30 40 70 rule.
It works like a charm.
Later that day…
I change people’s lives!
There’s a life lesson here.
=FOLLOW UP=
SRP Claim #513-PA
Aiden Vail is a mining man.
Unfortunately, he fell behind on rent.
Consequently, he needs a new ship.
Fortunately, it was Black Friday!
He was a real ice aspirant.
Cool story bro!
Another 2007 newbro.
I naturally established an empathetic rapport.
This is a useful ability.
“The target must succeed on a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw or be charmed. The charmed target regards the vampire as a trusted friend, and is a willing target.”
“Harlots can be both brazen strumpets and haughty courtesans. In addition to the usual fare, the harlot is 15% likely to make something up, and 20% likely to be a thief.
Trust is the basis of every relationship.
Another satisfied customer.
I’m such a good soul.
That’s right.
PRO TIP: Jita has several unique stations!
Somehow, he discovered the blog.
I love to help.
He’s trying to scam me!
I’ve been here before.
It’s just basic math.
Vail asked his new friend for advice.
That’s right.
I explained everything.
That’s the best minigame in EvE Online.
Sad ending…
Life is full of new experiences.
Cheerzah!
Glambring FailHammer
Indeed.
Oh no!
He’s a real cat killer…
hehehehe
What a guy.
Two hours later…
Uh oh…
$$-BONUS ROUND-$$
I’m not messing around.
Well, I hope he’s sorry!
Cheerzah!
<=PLOT TWIST=>
That’s right.
How to Sell a Mining Permit #423
First, chat with a miner.
I like to be direct.
He didn’t take the hint.
Mine around and find out!
PLOT TWIST: That’s just my alt.
So the miner contacted a supervisor…
“No miner can be lawfully ganked unless they are given a full advance warning, with a 60 second truce allowing them to dock up safely.”
No warning, in my Halaima?
He was informed, but ok…
I keep my Highsec safe.
I value my friends.
I love to help.
This is a good racket.
What a great space job.
That’s right.
Read all about it!
That’s right…
Everything according to plan.
Just another day in EvE Online.
Amazing content.
My ‘friend’ never corrected me.
In fact, the little parrot was scamming me.
Everyone loves a free SRP.
They apparently see it coming.
I play the game my way.
This is not my first time.
It adds up.
It works!
=BONUS ROUND=
I almost forgot.
Nobody likes a delinquent miner.
A few moments later…
Another satisfied customer.
=POSTSCRIPT=
Eventually, Andreska bought a new ship…
It never reached the ice.
xD
=THE END=
Being Grounded
That’s right.
Get grounded.
I’m pretty danger.
What?>
Clam daown, stupied gaunker!
Miners greetings to all.
Welcome to EvE Online, little miner.
It’s a sily game.
Every miner has his day.
Get buried, irl.
Ya know what I mean?
He finds us intriguing.
He likes something about me.
What a guy.
=BEHIND THE SCENES=
That’s right.
Bandit Down
I’m a new player.
I sell mining permits in Highsec.
Will Clark is a 2004 loser.
I asked him for help.
He wasn’t very friendly.
I made him quit the game (again).
They call me a griefer.
He is fine.
Goodbye Will.
=BONUS SALT=
In the CODE.
Next, they go to Why Was I Ganked?
True story.
Then they get bonus offers.
Another satisfied repeat customer.
He also ordered a new Bowhead.
Of course, there is a delivery fee.
That’s right.
What a happy miner.
Everything was perfectly routine.
He sent me and my alts a bunch of isk.
He even bought a mining stamp.
There’s a process?
What a plan.
Didn’t he already pay?
I’ve done it quite a few times.
PLOT TWIST: There is no file.
DOUBLE PLOT TWIST: No database either.
Jamie is just a working alt.
Nobody likes a space lawyer.
Another delinquent miner.
Eventually, he found me again.
I guess we can resolve this.
Sometimes, they try to negotiate.
I’m happy to explain.
Pleasure doing business…
Jormags wound up mumbling to himself in Jita.
Thanks for playing.
Venture Contest 2024
The Twelfth Annual Venture Contest is underway.
Here are the October rankings:
- James Fuchs – 128
- CASTOLE – 62
- Mendax es – 45
- Adako Aivoras -39
- ooo so flashy – 37
- Guybertini – 37 (tied for 5th)
- Aaaarrgg – 23
- TrickyNicky – 19
- Good Girl Kara – 18
- Dishrag – 18 (tied for 9th)
There is a perfect time to get into Highsec ganking, as either competitor or spectator. Send 1 billion isk to your favorite ganker, and help them climb the rankings… or kill a few dozen Ventures yourself, and climb the November ladder yourself. Over 30 billion isk in prizes available, and more. Send isk to Aiko Danuja for the GRAND PRIZE FUND, and you will receive a special bonus gift! Every isk you donate to the prize fund will be DOUBLED three times, by the best isk doublers in the game!
Highsec Miner Grab Bag #248
Nobody can read it all.
An ocean of salt, decades deep.
In EvE Online, you can be anything you want.
Some people are crybabies.
I’m just a tabloid journalist, in outer space.
I’m also a social worker, and your new high princess (hi there).
By many accounts, I’m the best.
I run a real bad corp.
It’s an intergalactic cartel.
My friends are happy to help.
We go way back.
I’ll see you on the gates.
Cheerzah brav.
