Why Were You Antiganking?

Many people enjoy EvE Online, which is all about mining to relax and helping miners stay safe. However, a handful of wannabe griefers have dedicated themselves to “antiganking”, desperately trying to prevent other people from playing the game. I am perplexed. Why would anyone waste fifteen years of their real-life, failing to stop someone else from playing a video game? Would you join a Minecraft server, and waste your time protecting someone else’s diamonds, even though everyone on the server has more diamonds than they could ever care about?

I do not understand why anyone would do this. It’s like, if someone decides to “protect” nullsec rorquals, so they pretend to save the rorquals, whilst being made fun of by both the rorquals and the people who hunt rorquals. Meanwhile, the rorquals are literally paying rent in real-life to the people who kill rorquals, and thanking their killers for providing an enjoyable escape room experience. This leaves the antiganker as an outsider, watching from the sidelines as other people have fun.

However, this analogy doesn’t do justice to the meaningless “content” of antiganking. In nullsec, sleepy rorquals have mere minutes to organize a defense blob, whereas Highsec minerblobs are protected by an automatic invincible NPC defense fleet. So the antiganker might theoretically have utility in nullsec, tethered to a response blob, but why waste your time protecting a ship which is already protected by bots?

Do antigankers aspire to become bots? I don’t know, but the thought alarms me. Are antigankers the kind of people who might try to compete with the traffic light, resisting the machines by holding up red and green circles along the side of the road? Fortunately, most antigankers are just roleplayers, popping into the forums to pretend they care, but secretly acknowledging that they would rather play Bannerbear. However, a few gobloks are actually trying their best, even though they fail continuously for years and years. What motivates this obsessive behaviour?

I would like to hear from the antigankers, and learn why you waste so much time pretending to play a game that you obviously don’t enjoy. What is your antiganking origin story? Did you get ganked in your retriever, and fifteen years later you still vow revenge against people who no longer play the game? Are you just a scaredy cat, hiding behind invincible NPCs? Are you salty because other people are having fun, and you are just all alone in a fleet of you and that one guy who is really boring and kinda not fun? Are you always blazed out of your mind, orbiting a gate and hoping a ganker comes along to give your life a sense of meaning and purpose? Feel free to chime in with your pitiful story.

Tapestry of Tears, RELOADED

The legacy of James 315 lives on.

In times of change, the fit will adapt.

Reload the Tapestry of Tears and see for yourself!

Don’t forget the sequels.

Legacy of Lahnius

The Rising Star

Don’t forget the prequels.

Sins of a Solar Spymaster

Crazy Like a Foxbolt

The Search for Anti-Ganking

That’s right.

That’s right!

***BONUS CONTENT***

Cheers!


German Tears

EvE Online is often described as “submarines in space”.

Let’s see what Germans have to say.

What have you informal speaking gesaid?

Making the highsec gankers a little harder I know PvP is part of it, but could you make it a little harder for the highsec gankers? 6-8 catas with t2 weapons against a hulk has very little to do with being balanced. Is just an asshole behavior. Have already seen how 4 Coercer a Gila worth 1 billion. Dismantled ISK before Concord came. 50 million VS 1 billion. Something is going terribly wrong. I guess that’s also the reason why so many newcomers quit and the game has an average of only 20,000 players (including multi-boxers) online. e.g. No T2 weapons/ammo/modules in T1 ships Prevent the reset of the Concord.

It’s not fair when carebears pay to win, and then some ARSCHLOCH wants to PvP in a PvP game. It’s bad enough that PvP is even allowed, but it’s beyond ridiculous that gankers are allowed to dismantle isk. Also, T2 guns have no place on a T1 destroyer. CCPLEEZ!!!!!

Griefing freighters in a video game? NEIN!!!!!

Ganking freighters in real-life? JAWOHL!!!!!

Jajaja.

The Conference Elite

Guest Author
Tweeps (aka John E Normus)

Hello there.

I didn’t see you come in.

As you can see, the CODE. alliance was never more than a facade, built upon the mighty Conference Elite. A galactic alliance is nothing without TCE, and that’s an undeniable fact.

As the heiress of both James 315 and loyalanon, I now command the ship of state. Of course, wannabe orbiter plebs insist I never received a sacrosanct blessing, as if I need one.

Seems legit?

If James did not choose me – who did? It is one thing to be annointed, but if I crowned myself, then I am even more powerful. If James were invincible, I must be omnipotent!

After seizing command of TCE, I have delegated authority to my trusty lesbian sidekick, Alleil Pollard. Henceforth, as acting executor, Alleil will oversee the Byzantine bureaucracy.

Of course, the miners inevitably write me.

As you know, we are a PROUD antiganking guild.

I hope Alleil can keep up with the daily correspondence.

Good luck Alleil!

Bee well!

lorrenzo nub’s REVENGE

lorrenzo nub, Part 1

Previously, we met miner lorrenzo.

He owed me money.

We settled on a compromise.

He would pay me to stop posting about him.

A fair bargain!

I was excited to show my TRUE nature.

I filled lorrenzo with that PvP spirit.

Don’t listen to the whiners.

Ganking is fun!

lorrenzo finally understands how to play EvE Online.

A happy ending!

lorrenzo nub

Newbro lorrenzo identified as a STeeLGamer.

However, one gank pushed him over the edge.

The man of STeeL became a pillar of salt.

lorrenzo nub > fuck off assholes this is my first day back
lorrenzo nub > 10 years away and your fucking assholes
1 Of Several > calm down, miner
lorrenzo nub > your botting and now reported

Like most miners, lorrenzo is an innocent angel, who needs a safe space in Highsec (so he can enjoy AFK mining).

lorrenzo nub > fuck you , cant you dickheads just leave ppl alon you cunts cant just leave me alone , already having a bad enough time irl cunts like you take my only peace and fuck it up
lorrenzo nub > your just a asshole who probably cant get laid in real life and has you mom hold a poop bucket under them so you dont have to get up from this game no life loser who can only get back at real life on a game
lorrenzo nub > did your daddy beat you and thats why you have to lash out but ofc your to big of a loser to go to null sec to much of a pussy to go fight actual ppl , instead just gate camp high sec did your mom not love you , or hug you ?or did she just leave you as a baby?

lorrenzo nub > big little girl you are did you want the number of a good counceler ? your dad made good use of you ?or was it your brother ?
lorrenzo nub > your the one crying than have to come on here and think your tough , like your dad when he beat you as child feel better now you killed a defenceless players ship
lorrenzo nub > cant hack it in null fighting ppl who can fight back did you get bullied at school too ? you going to go cry into your pillow when you log off ?

Was lorrenzo upset?

lorrenzo nub > no more upset than you where when your moms boyfriend beat you im not the one who feels good about sitting in high sec praying on defencless ppl and cant even one on one ppl , hell i bet my ship could of took you out one on one

Eventually, the conversation ended.

1 Of Several > Go complain in other chats!
lorrenzo nub > your alliance will be disolved in 45 days

lorrenzo began crying in other chats.

Sargon encouraged him to try an easier game.

Instead, lorrenzo vowed revenge.

His next step was to whine in Rookie Help.

Alas, CCP griefed him mercilessly.

Next, he hired a shadow to follow Sargon.

Sargon soon ditched the incompetent spy.

Cheers!