Kills of the Week

Killings of the Week

Oh boy, it’s time for everyone’s favourite weekly episode of MinerBump James315.Space! Change sure is spooky! Here are some bears that got dunked between July 19th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 25th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that Kills of the Week was what James loved the most, because he got to relax on the veranda with a nice cool glass of lemonade. Well, I don’t like lemonade, but I sure do like to write about myself and the mighty New Order. Hey James, I’m working on my Kills of the Week post, so how ’bout you be a dear and fetch me a nice cool glass of cucumber juice?

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I deserve it, because when Depraner was dumb enough to continue flying a ‘marauder’ in the exact same place where all the other dummies have been dying, I popped out of hyperwarp and wrecked him with a little help from Shadow Fireball, Alleil Pollard, and Whadda Badasaz. That’s right, I’m famous, because you already know who I am. Anyways, if I just let Zkill pick the kills of the week, I’d basically be the rest of the post. Let’s see what else is going down.

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E Bobber jay was bobbing about in a Kadorian mining belt, but Highsec is no place for a “maximum carebear”. You know, some people think we make stuff up, but with EVE miners there is never any need to exaggerate. Aaaarrgg and Pod-Goo RepoWomansent the miner back to station. Hulkageddon might be gone, but Helicity Boson is right here!

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They claim that CODE. is afraid to PvP, and won’t shoot ships that can shoot back. They even claim this when we dunk battleships, because they were PvE failfit. Well, Mallagan NightDiamond had an elite tactical destroyer, a souped up Catalyst with (get this) Federation Navy Magnetic Field Stabilizers. Zkillboard awarded Ulianov fifteen points, but he deserves bonus points, since he also had to fight CONCORD and the ‘police’. Does anyone really think Mallagan would have won this duel in lowsec?

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The New Order is a beautiful thing, and our Pandemic Horde renters are getting into the game, blasting an Orca tanked Gila in Niarja. Let me give a shout out to my friends Highsec Goddes’ Lemming, lady aspin, and I Devour Lolis. Call me!

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YangSham Po’s Chinese fit Loki was operating in a strategic location, when he was suddenly wrecked by Lupo lupindise, Captain544, and Herr Milbz. Xahaxaha, bro… Now that the CODE. is totally victorious, everyone is getting in on the action, and this mining Loki didn’t stand a chance.

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The New Order isn’t just an alliance, it’s a veritable coalition, and our good buddies in Goonswarm sure are painting Jita. Asmodean Ishamael’s 18 billion isk freighter vanished within seconds, which makes me wonder what else he expected? I hope he enjoyed the content, and maybe someday I’ll get to hang out with strong alpha males like Blasty McVoidFace, Jayden Kusion, and Mjolnir Rage Torpedo.

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After Depraner’s Golem exploded, he tried to escape, but was caught by cute new ganker: Buttercup Potemkin. Remember, replacing your brain with high-grade crystal meth might seem like a good idea, but it can get pretty expensive!

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LAMENTATIONS: I find myself missing James everyday, and sometimes it gets so hard. I log into the MinerBumping website and stare wistfully at pictures of myself, or watch a video about myself which ends with the MinerBumping url. I sniffle and wonder whether James is out there, somewhere, watching me? Does he know that I still love him, with all my heart? Does he approve of me? Does he regret his decision to declare me as his only lawful successor for all time, bestowing the official scepter upon me, and proclaiming before the Mittani that I am for all legal purposes none other than James 315 himself? I wasn’t sure, so I set a candle on the window ledge and watched it for hours. Suddenly, it flickered, and I felt James come upon me. He entered me, and it felt so good. I know now that James still wants me. If he must be dead, then so must the miners. I speak for the trees!

Kills of Another Week

Oh boy, here are some kills of a week which is lawfully defined from July 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime. Juneteenth is almost over, but our Agents are working hard to celebrate the official funeral of James 315, which will be held in Halaima, at 23:00 on Thursday, July 23.

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Lucas C-S flew his 23 billion isk Charon through Jita, daring James to return from the dead. Well, James didn’t come back, but Gandaraka Tekitsu, Josh Kusion, Justin Kusion, and Firebush called Lucas out on his disrespect.

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Darth Me decided to play the villain, with a 2.7 billion isk Paladin, which could have shot back. Gallente Ambrye, Lisa Tears, Alt 00, Aiko Danuja, and Shadow Cyrilus defeated Darth with ease, before he could finish sipping from his 72oz coffee mug. I am told that Shadow cried out on voicecomms, “That’s a kill of the week!” He was right. Clamp your hands!

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Jake Steell was trying to steal ore, with his blinged out ORE Gistum Ingenii Hulk. Everyone’s favourite ganker, Guybertini, showed up in a Naga and closed the pool. I’m a little new to being Saviourette and Queen Regent, so you’ll have to excuse me, but I don’t even know what an Ingenii Ice Harvester Upgrade is? Is there a genii inside each upgrade? Sometimes, I feel like someone at the CCP sales office is deliberately trolling miners.

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Ronin Savage was hauling another load of mining garbage to Jita, when he ran into a CODE. traffic inspection in Isanamo. Unfortunately, Ronin forgot to purchase a mining permit, and his EVE University cloak trick malfunctioned. Consequently, he was arrested by Felix Hausdorff, Augustus De Morgan, and Niels Henrik Abel. Good lads.

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Kukushka96 was storing a skill extractor inside a Venture, when he was surprised to discover that Jita is an arena of elite PvP. EVEPPAPGA was there to help Kukushka learn to stay docked.

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Regger Skillhamma was mining in Kamio, with his illegal Mackinaw, when he couldn’t remember the safeword . Safeword is Harder was eager to play, squeezing Regger’s pod and extracting 5.4 billion isk. Remember, the High-grade Ascendancy Omega does “nothing, in and of itself”.

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URGENT COMMUNIQUE: Now that I have officially amended the Code, we have been awaiting acknowledgement from the Central Committee. I am pleased to inform you that our Chinese brothers have rejoiced at the First Amendment, and the Old Guard has begun publishing a little red book.

The Chinese gankers said the original Code, as translated, left them with uncertainty. Do we intend to gank miners, or just lay down with them and intermarry into perpetuity? Our First Amendment clarifies the matter, and has caused the Code to gain even more authority, which was surprising since I could not imagine such a thing were possible. I have even heard they are reciting the Code in a distant galaxy, which is both elite and dangerous. Amazing!

Here are my favourite passages from the New Order’s New Chinese New Code of New Halaima:

一个人也绝不会为瘟疫和传染病提供庇护的温床

烧毁他们的堡垒屠杀他们的朋友驱逐一切不接受救世主智慧的人！

Stirring picture noodles!

Yes, friend, you heard me right. The merging of the servers has not merely brought the Chinese mining bots, but the Chinese gankers are coming as well, and they are thrilled to rally under the banner of Princess Aiko, who has most graciously declared a Greater East Asia Co-Ganking Sphere.

Kills of a Week

As we adjust our weekly cycle in accordance with the moons, we find ourselves contemplating a week which is vaguely defined between July 5 @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 11 @ 23:59 EVEtime…

Cosmina 1 was loading her Rhea in Jita, when everything went tits up, thanks to Firebush, Ayannae, Bob Mechanic, and Jayson Kusion. A lot of miners don’t respect our friends in Goonswarm, and I suggest those bots read the Code.

Some Chinese botters thought they could hide their Azbel, but they soon had visuals of Chicken Soup, Ms Ruby, Artio Celts, and SidtheKid100. Apparently CODE. actually does go into null sec, where they seem to do rather well.

T’dara read the preceding Kills of the Week, and realized that salvage marauders are no longer part of the meta. However, she still got dunked, by Eva Mavas, Shadow Redemption, Seamus Scrapmagnet, and Aiko Danuja.

Like ~~most~~ all miners, vorlextia just wanted to get rich the easy way. After taking an EVE University course on mining, she skittered off to Niarja and got dunked on by Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg. I guess ORE Strip Miners aren’t that good at PvP.

characterID 95623671 took the same EVE University course, and decided to fit its Ore Strip Miners unto a Hulk. What could possibly go wrong? Hillbilly-2000, Just-Another-Code-Alt Auralis, and Daystalker 2020 were happy to help the bot uninstall.

nimbadhe didn’t trust banks, and decided to hide his isk inside a pod. He was surprised to encounter our outfit, getting blapped by Aaaarrgg. That name sounds really familiar.

BONUS CONTENT: Nor Relbats was recently mining in Jufvitte, when he encountered a New Order destroyer. He believed his Orca was safe, until suddenly he was confronted by a New Order battleship. Oops!

It appears Nor did not learn his lesson, nor was his artificial intelligence capable of adapting. Indeed, a few minutes later, his alt Ron Relbats had an identical experience. I guess Orcas aren’t safe in highsec?

A lot of people have been wondering, if this is an authentic blog, then where are the kills of the week? Well, here are some kills that happened between one point of time, and another arbitrary moment, over the course of approximately a week.

Lapsh dared to show his fat face in Jita, and he got dunked by CheytanElRagim, Jayden Kusion, and Amallea (along with a few of their good friends). That’s just another red line in Silent Company’s long killboard history…

NO COL was flying her salvage Golem in Piekura, where she got told NO by Gankzter McGankFace, Ivanna GanksChu, and GankzPewPew. Great job!

Likewise, Macus Irrelium was commanding his salvage Paladin in Avyuh, when he had a ruh roh with Shadow Fireball, Void Delivery Service, and Evil Marxist. Well done, and thanks for the free salvage!

TieLight was operating his Aeode ORE Mackinaw in Luminaire, when he got deleted by Ulianov and Shilliam Watner. Awesome work!

Biggy Din put a blingy tier II warpcore stabilizer on his ORE Hulk in Kaunokka, but he got destabilized by Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg. Here’s a pro-tip: If you are AFK, you won’t be able to warp away.

popetown thought she was safe in the null tutorial zone, where she got snuffed out by MIC Improvise, Codeysatfa, and SidtheKid100. Next time, she should try farming in an empty wormhole.

ChostDog was surprised to lose his 2.5 billion isk Vargur in Apanake, where he got obliterated by Whadda Badasaz, Shadow Cyrilus, Seamus Scrapmagnet, and Shadow Defiance. That High-grade Crystal Omega sure was expensive… but what does it do?

As queen regent of the galaxy, many miners have been coming to me with their concerns and questions. Most recently, Martin Lockheart was crying because he claimed a ‘funeral procession’ as his excuse to smuggle a war fleet through our high-security zone in Molea. Our friends in Hell Dawn were there to offer their condolences, but LeiLong Pong noticed something suspicious about the ‘hearse’.

That’s right, it didn’t even have a mining permit.

Martin appealed directly to my sentimental nature, stating that the ‘funeral’ was for a beloved miner: binette evingod. I checked to see if she was naughty or nice.

I’m sorry, but bots don’t get funerals.

When you go to hell, expect Hell Dawn.