Category: Geography

Absolute Failures, Part II

Listening to: Dental Plan

Absolute Failures, Part 1

The Second Battle of Torrinos began with a bang.

Envoy Arby > WISH I HAD BACKUP
Aiko Danuja > are u asking me to come to torrinos?
Envoy Arby > YA
Envoy Arby > THEY ARE NAZIS
Envoy Arby > THEY LOVE HITLER
Aiko Danuja > Kill: RossRed (Mackinaw)
Envoy Arby > hahaha
Envoy Arby > U KILLED THAT NAZI
Aiko Danuja > BACK TO BERLIN
Envoy Arby > TAK TAK DOBRE

Triple Commissar Centurion RossRed exploded.

It was a surprise inspection.

Absolute Trash alliance declared a State of Griefing.

Lieutenant Comrade Ihamori Isu was still alive.

He contacted random people to chat.

Ok buddy, sounds great!

The defense fleet was led by Lt.Cmsr valfurian saraki.

He is a Toltec paladin for TRUMP, and an experienced failganker.

Well, you can’t win every fight.

[ 2024.09.15 17:59:19 ] Thaicylias > that was fun

The fleet was dying.

Bystanders were amazed, as bot Mackinaws kept mining.

Even invincible Ihamori died.

Advo was uncloaked, and tryhard Kinhard lost a second Ferox.

It was an absolute disaster.

ABSOD discord was abuzz with confusion (and bemused spies).

It was not a good fight.

Triple Commissar Centurion Striknor was frustrated.

Meanwhile, valfurian joined a new fleet.

It was a veldspar fleet in Ibura, adjacent to Torrinos.

valfurian was happy to find a chill fleet in Lonetrek.

Of course, he’d never met April before.

Nevertheless, valfurian vowed revenge.

However, something went awry…

Uh oh!

Those darn gaunkers jumped the gate!

Teamwork makes the Dreamwork.

I tried to help him.

He was too busy.

valfurian failed again.

valfurian will never be safe.

He will never ever ride that Happy Hooker again.

Sad!

Another win for Team Aiko.

Congratulations all around.

=THE END=

Absolute Failures

The First Battle of Torrinos

The Second Battle of Torrinos began in Uchomida.

A Klingon yellowboxed us without provocation.

Things went too far.

Whups.

What an absolute failure.

Just wait until tomorrow.

Oh, it’s gonna go very well.

The target moved to Torrinos.

Wow, just wow.

To be continued…

Absolute Racism

Listening to: AO Downfall

Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online

Hey there.

We’ve all heard the rumors.

Absolute Order is absolutely racist.

These are real screenshots from EvE Online.

Oh wow, ok.

See what I mean?

We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.

They cannot be reasoned with.

It’s not just the racism.

Absolute Order is absolutely mental.

We know how to deal with this.

Just bump them all.

Governor Lee done goofed.

Consequences will never be the same.

We’ve met before.

Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?

That’s right.

We go way back.

Wayback.

What will MrLee think of next?

Suck It

Miners love the attention.

DillonEllett > imma keep drinkin and just say i know the life yea lol , and your the osmon boss
DillonEllett > sup im about that life lol what stops you from the med fish i see your kb ,miners yes easy fish “big” kill them all afk or bot / why do you not kill the l4 – i get it if you save/alt your shit ,fun times right , so if not AND IF THIS IS YOUR MAIN FUN , im just lookin to be you know a spy , this is what i do when my boys are off so your here always im around maybe i fit passive and scan fits and you know they sit still ?
DillonEllett > hello?
DillonEllett > you put me on hold fker lol
DillonEllett > 15 mins i rl stuff i do have a lady and kid but i got that then down the street for drink brb sorry
Aiko Danuja > haha have a drink on me

That’s why they never shut up.

Welcome to EvE Online.

This is not a paid advertisement.

It’s not an easy game.

It feels good to bully Highsec miners.

It’s a lot of fun.

I find it amusing.

I’ve even met some interesting men.

Cheerzah brav.

End of an Era, Part 17

End of an Era, Part 1

It was a rainy day in Incursion Town.

The roads were infested with rats.

Editor’s Note: The original design of incursions, developed by developers who no longer develop the game, was for players to race through a maze of tunnels filled with scary space monsters… whoever made it first, could fight the BIG BOSS MOTHERSHIP for isk and glory.

In 2024, Wrathful Hawk decisively won the game.

Outwitting the carebears, he went straight through lowsec.

Along the way, Hawk met a few friends.

These boys took their entire bling fleet through Vecamia.

It’s a shortcut.

This is was some real content, in EvE Online.

Sun Tzu said the greatest warriors evade battle altogether.

That was EvE Online in its finest hour.

What happened next?

Highsec carebears failed again.

This was the typical cry and whine.

Hawk simply outplayed the plebs.

To be continued…

Missing Freighter

We have fun in Highsec.

Check out this trick.

Where’d the freighter go?

Two day newbro MEMO2556 was mystified.

Princess Aiko investigates…

In EvE Online, all losses are temporary.

I’m happy to help.

He paid.

What’s next?

Time to beg.

Another registered inmate.

Indeed.

Teamwork makes the dreamwork.

Everything hung in the balance.

Real-life discord roles were at stake.

One friendship was over forever.

MEMO’s friend scammed him to haul through Uedama.

Oh my…

Poor little fellow.

He’s out of luck.

=BEHIND THE SCENES=

We all know how that turned out.

Maybe his pro friend will help him tommorrow?

Good luck little guy.

A few hours later…

Cheerzah brav!

Dirty Business

Hey there.

Each day brings new friends.

Yesterday, I helped Lady Krabs purchase 12 mining permits.

Then she reported me to the SSR.

The next morning, Mrs. Krabs woke up to reality.

Op success.

Another content subscriber.

Now the Krabs ladies can mine in peace.

Osmon is also the home of my beloved Cultural Center.

I can’t keep a secret.

He’s a real people person.

I’m glad everyone is happy.

That’s right.

Feel free to send your isk.

Works for me.

I wonder how things are going in Osmon?

Sounds like things are going great.

Thanks for the free isk, bro.

I’m glad we are friends.

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 316

Listening to: Hahaha

Here’s to thirteen fourteen years of failure in Uminas!

At least I’m having fun in EvE Online.

Here’s a neat trick.

First, I gank them.

Then, I gank their friends.

Next, I undock the big bomper!

This usually gets their attention.

Talking to me, or my alts, is one dangerous game.

Highsec is a Safe space!

No free samples.

Miners are tightfisted Scrooges.

Have you heard of Aiko Danuja, the greatest player in EvE Online?

I make things happen.

I’m a real content generator.

Once you meet me, you’ve already lost.

This miner was one tough negotiator.

Every miner is a little special.

I’m a helpful princess.

Fortunately, mining permits are still in fashion.

However, after payment, he immediately blocked me.

I guess I can sell this permit to someone else.

I’d call that a win.

=FOREIGN LANGUAGE CONTEST=

Contest Rules: Send 1 billion isk to Aiko Danuja, and guess the magic word. Put that as the payment reason, and receive one (1) entry.

Meanwhile….

xd)

=Afterwards=

I eventually taught Lady Krabs to unblock me.

I make the galaxy go round.

Miner Obsession

=Trigger Warning: EvE Online=

Miners have a lot to say.

Previously, on my best EvE Online blog.

Miners think about me a lot.

It’s a competition, to see who obsesses the most.

Yep, I’m lookin great.

[ 2024.08.25 22:15:53 ] Kathus > onlyganks.com

I don’t mind a little flattery.

However, antigankers go too far.

They take it from awkward to creepy.

It gets a little weird.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend in EvE Online.

Sorry to disappoint.

Uh…

Wtf is a sparrow?

I’m not a tsundere! Hmph.

I actually haven’t read all these mails.

See, that’s where it gets crazy…

Bro…

We aren’t going to Iceland together.

Steven, my guy… you mail me all the time.

To be continued…

<3

Welcome to Highsec.

We can play EvE Online together.

Let’s send those miners to otherwhere!

That’s right, go on, git.

I’m a real Space Ganger now.

Tunnel snakes don’t scare us.

I run five successful alliances.

We are all one team…

…spoonfeeding content to the regular workingpleb.

They love it.

Cheerzah brav.

Nobody likes a loley miner.

Loleylol!

Gotta catch em all, and then do it again.