Hey there.
Another day, another miner.
Uh, sorry to hear?
Oh well.
Why not?
Nobody likes a poor.
Now he’s gonna get revenge.
Stay safe Miss Mendax.
GankersGetHacked
Category: Funerals
Why??
I get asked a lot of questions.
For example, why was the miner ganked?
Some miners get ganked more than once.
I always follow the rules.
Mining permits are on sale now.
I care about each and every newbro.
New player applications cost merely 75 million isk.
Is Nezmeyana actually a new player?
Scroll down to find out!
What did you guess?
It was the moment of truth…
Did you guess correctly?
Nezmeyana is a full grown spaceadult!
She is not a new player.
This was unfortunate.
Fortunately, Nezmeyana had more isk.
Another satisfied customer.
I am always happy to help.
This miner was assigned to Isanamo.
A few minutes later…
Oh nooo….
This was a real learning experience.
I’m sure everyone had fun.
Anyways…
Honestly, I just want your isk (and your killmail).
See ya!
Absolutely Crazy
Listening to: Cat Sky Hates PvP
Absolute Order has crazy people, with crazy ideas.
Meanwhile, they are incompetent.
Will Blackflag save their carebear pets?
Here’s one former Absolute Pleb.
zxcxzx caught him attempting to mine alone (and AFK).
Poor Cat Sky was bullied out of the AO blob.
He sure talks a lot, about me apparently.
What an incoherent clown.
What will he say next?
I don’t even talk to his type.
Cool chat bro.
Check it out.
Just another 2011 newbro.
See you around kitty cat.
=COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU=
Code Ready Gelhan, Part 52
Listening to: Get Well Soon
It was the most expensive ship xAtlas42x ever lost.
This made it difficult to fly fearless.
Mission Ready Mining had a real mining problem.
New players were quitting the game, due to endless boredom.
However, Assistance Group was determined to help.
Just in time, Kurisa finished her eyeshadow.
It was time to play EvE Online.
Kurisa, aka Kalorned, is a certified mining instructor.
This time, the Tunnel Snakes won.
This was before my time.
Slayer got slayed, and his own alliance mocked him.
Gandaulf the DeGrey is no longer laughing.
CCP was gonna need to patch the game.
Meanwhile, the biggest corporation in Highsec enjoyed rapid growth.
Hundreds of newbros were joining!
The alliance grew twenty percent in four months.
That was the start of a long slow decline.
Things were about to get worse.
To be continued…
uh oh spaghettio…
Meet a Miner
Today, we decided not to grief any miners.
Let’s just meet them instead.
cataclysm jane is one of PanFam’s mighty miners.
Cool lifestyle.
This miner explained the technical lingo.
0.0 is for 0.0s.
WoW!
Let’s meet an antiganker.
Double WoW!
Hey, don’t kill yourself in EvE Online.
I’ll do it for you.
I like to play.
Miners are real dumb.
What a ‘waste’.
That’s right.
Indeed.
Absolute Failures, Part II
Listening to: Dental Plan
The Second Battle of Torrinos began with a bang.
Envoy Arby > WISH I HAD BACKUP
Aiko Danuja > are u asking me to come to torrinos?
Envoy Arby > YA
Envoy Arby > THEY ARE NAZIS
Envoy Arby > THEY LOVE HITLER
Aiko Danuja > Kill: RossRed (Mackinaw)
Envoy Arby > hahaha
Envoy Arby > U KILLED THAT NAZI
Aiko Danuja > BACK TO BERLIN
Envoy Arby > TAK TAK DOBRE
Triple Commissar Centurion RossRed exploded.
It was a surprise inspection.
Absolute Trash alliance declared a State of Griefing.
Lieutenant Comrade Ihamori Isu was still alive.
He contacted random people to chat.
Ok buddy, sounds great!
The defense fleet was led by Lt.Cmsr valfurian saraki.
He is a Toltec paladin for TRUMP, and an experienced failganker.
Well, you can’t win every fight.
[ 2024.09.15 17:59:19 ] Thaicylias > that was fun
The fleet was dying.
Bystanders were amazed, as bot Mackinaws kept mining.
Even invincible Ihamori died.
Advo was uncloaked, and tryhard Kinhard lost a second Ferox.
It was an absolute disaster.
ABSOD discord was abuzz with confusion (and bemused spies).
It was not a good fight.
Triple Commissar Centurion Striknor was frustrated.
Meanwhile, valfurian joined a new fleet.
It was a veldspar fleet in Ibura, adjacent to Torrinos.
valfurian was happy to find a chill fleet in Lonetrek.
Of course, he’d never met April before.
Nevertheless, valfurian vowed revenge.
However, something went awry…
Uh oh!
Those darn gaunkers jumped the gate!
Teamwork makes the Dreamwork.
I tried to help him.
He was too busy.
valfurian failed again.
valfurian will never be safe.
He will never ever ride that Happy Hooker again.
Another win for Team Aiko.
Congratulations all around.
=THE END=
Absolute Failures
The Second Battle of Torrinos began in Uchomida.
A Klingon yellowboxed us without provocation.
Things went too far.
Whups.
What an absolute failure.
Just wait until tomorrow.
Oh, it’s gonna go very well.
The target moved to Torrinos.
Wow, just wow.
To be continued…
Absolute Racism
Listening to: AO Downfall
Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online
Hey there.
We’ve all heard the rumors.
Absolute Order is absolutely racist.
These are real screenshots from EvE Online.
Oh wow, ok.
See what I mean?
We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.
They cannot be reasoned with.
It’s not just the racism.
Absolute Order is absolutely mental.
We know how to deal with this.
Just bump them all.
Governor Lee done goofed.
Consequences will never be the same.
We’ve met before.
Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?
That’s right.
We go way back.
Wayback.
What will MrLee think of next?
Good Morning
Listening to: Wierdo Minmatar Trash
Hey there!
Miners are crazy.
Check out Huan’s wierdo miner fantasy!
He spent hours and hours (days and weeks) on this…
Antigankers are looooooooosers.
I guess this one is counting to revenge?
Even a lowskill knows miners are bad.
Bro, what’s a lowsec?
I’m high as a kite.
What are you on?
End of an Era, Part 17
It was a rainy day in Incursion Town.
The roads were infested with rats.
Editor’s Note: The original design of incursions, developed by developers who no longer develop the game, was for players to race through a maze of tunnels filled with scary space monsters… whoever made it first, could fight the BIG BOSS MOTHERSHIP for isk and glory.
In 2024, Wrathful Hawk decisively won the game.
Outwitting the carebears, he went straight through lowsec.
Along the way, Hawk met a few friends.
These boys took their entire bling fleet through Vecamia.
It’s a shortcut.
This is was some real content, in EvE Online.
Sun Tzu said the greatest warriors evade battle altogether.
That was EvE Online in its finest hour.
What happened next?
Highsec carebears failed again.
This was the typical cry and whine.
Hawk simply outplayed the plebs.
To be continued…
