Woe to 1DQ

Well, hello there!

All gunkers are groons. Garrrrar etc.

We lost everything in Delve, so now we hide in Highsec.

Lin Sa La had a cunning plan.

Could she spam the gunks away?

Like all miners, she needs guidance.

These are actual screenshots from EvE Online!

The temper tantrum gradually subsided.

James 315 would have loved this miner.

I’m just a despotic totalitarian tyrant.

Across the galaxy, miners yearn for the return of their Saviour.

Will he ever keep them safe?

Doubt.

Oh well…

Cheerzah bravs!

The Greatest Groon

Today, and for all time, I am the Greatest Groon.

As the final boss of Highsec, I have always known my fate.

I am destined for success.

Let’s stroll through memory lane…

… remembering my predecessors.

Tenaj (March 2003-June 2003)

L0rd Zap (June 2003-March 2006)

Princess Suicide (March 2006 – July 2006)

The Sheik (July 2006 – March 2007)

karttoon was right (March 2007 – October 2008)

Jerry Rin (October 2008 – October 2009)

Princess Helicity (October 2009 – October 2011)

The Mittani (October 2011 – December 2012)

kalila meng (December 2012 – January 2013)

Khoda Khan (January 2013 – March 2013)

BLACK SKULL (March 2014 – October 2014)

Aria Stane (October 2014 – November 2014)

Zuzu (November 2014 – December 2014)

George (December 2014 – May 2015)

loyal (May 2015 – March 2016)

Siegfriend Cohenberg (March 2016 – April 2016)

Do you remember the mad minute?

Tweeps (April 19, 2016)

Kulorndo (April 19, 2016 – April 22, 2016)

Kalned givieth…

James 315 (April 2016 – June 2020)

….Korndul taketh.

Dresden Rubble Gnome (June 2020 – July 2020)

Princess Aiko (July 2020 – forever and ever)

Congrats to every participant! Each of you will receive a trophy, commemorating your activity (or lack thereof). The following chart shows each winner’s relative significance.

BEE WELL!

Here are some lesser alliances…

Is your alliance trash?

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.

#SouthSide

Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.


Hole v Hole

Nice greetings are on order, friend…

…and now our feature presentation.

*****

Wormholer Jeff encountered Wormholer Akrich, in Highsec.

Jeff naturally began collecting rent.

Akrich made a partial payment, but things went sideways.

Jeff faced a perplexing dilemma.

What to do?

Meanwhile, the miner began throwing n-bombs.

Really?

Surprisingly (not really), Akrich isn’t a new player.

Akrich blamed his son.

All Jeff wanted was a killmail.

He sent Akrich one final warning.

Once again, Akrich blamed his son.

The end.

Mad Maddi

Maddi was not off to a good start.

It was depressing.

However, this wasn’t the end…

Maddi Rush > im gonna go slit my wrists again
Maddi Rush > come kill me in real life please
Maddi Rush > i dont have the courage
Maddi Rush > i need help just kill me in real life
Apo Bong > Please don’t talk like that, it’s not funny
Maddi Rush > man this isnt a joke

It went on and on…

Maddi Rush > omg im new i was literally going to sell all of that bc im trying to learn i cant even start a new char bc the start missions r already done fk me
Apo Bong > Your story the last time was a bit different
Maddi Rush > [REDACTED] ave toronto ont canada plz kill me
Maddi Rush > plz some here actually come kill me
Maddi Rush > i gave my real address
Maddi Rush > google it its real plz come
Sargon Of Amerish > i live in isanamo
Maddi Rush > ill pay for ur plane ticket
Maddi Rush > u can kill me quick and do whatever with my body ik ppl r sickos with women
Maddi Rush > is anyone actually on the way ive unlocked my door come on in

It’s a bit much, don’t you think?

Maddi Rush > why cant i just help ppl
Maddi Rush > thats actually what i do
Maddi Rush > i help new ppl
Maddi Rush > u are why ppl like me quit and then new ppl dont want to play bc no one helps them
Maddi Rush > like i dont want tot help myself in real life i just want to die and i cant figure out a way im such a coward
Maddi Rush > i havent gone to the store in weeks…. im hoping i die of starvation in my sleep but then i can barely move and im just stuck infront of computer
Maddi Rush > apo is the reason maddi rush killled herself in game and it will be glorious way to die… and i will take these pills and drift off watching the space

Ok, that’s enough of that…

Maddi Rush > im going to kill myself now
Maddi Rush > watch it on the news on CP24 toronto
Maddi Rush > so what u guys want to talk about these last moments
Maddi Rush > my mom drugged me with meds to get blood tested that sell actually then sold the meds to the nieghbours for months
Maddi Rush > i was gonna do a stratios build and finally be apart of the gang
Maddi Rush > goodbye

Fortunately, Maddi finally got that dream Stratios…

…followed by a dreamy Vindi…

I sure hope Maddi is feeling better…

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Amarr
Roan Pico > Courier Kor-Azor – Amarr route: Amarr >> Neesher (927 m³) Nare >> Neesher (150000 m³) Neesher >> Amarr (2245 m³)
Neijas > You seem to have very special needs Maddi Rush
Maddi Rush > say that to me directly and watch what happens
Neijas > How do I say it to you more directly?
Neijas > Seems like you’re having some intellectual challenges
Maddi Rush > seem like u are the one projecting something there
Maddi Rush > keyboard warrior over here lol
NoLSolid > Kill: Maddi Rush (Stratios)
Maddi Rush > yea i was afk
Contracting Alt13 > Jita >> Amarr (1034 m³)
Contracting Alt13 > Maddi Rush haul this and shut up
Jno Aubrey > Alternatively, you could just biomass yourself
Maddi Rush > u just told me to kill myself enjoy that ban
Neijas > Oh no! Please take everything personal after you gaslight all of Amarr
TorJansleep > HyperNet offer: Hel Cheapest HyperNet offer: Hel 6.88b HyperNet offer: Wyvern 137m */512

Um…

Tapestry of Tears, RELOADED

The legacy of James 315 lives on.

In times of change, the fit will adapt.

Reload the Tapestry of Tears and see for yourself!

Don’t forget the sequels.

Legacy of Lahnius

The Rising Star

Don’t forget the prequels.

Sins of a Solar Spymaster

Crazy Like a Foxbolt

The Search for Anti-Ganking

That’s right.

That’s right!

***BONUS CONTENT***

Cheers!


The Conference Elite

Guest Author
Tweeps (aka John E Normus)

Hello there.

I didn’t see you come in.

As you can see, the CODE. alliance was never more than a facade, built upon the mighty Conference Elite. A galactic alliance is nothing without TCE, and that’s an undeniable fact.

As the heiress of both James 315 and loyalanon, I now command the ship of state. Of course, wannabe orbiter plebs insist I never received a sacrosanct blessing, as if I need one.

Seems legit?

If James did not choose me – who did? It is one thing to be annointed, but if I crowned myself, then I am even more powerful. If James were invincible, I must be omnipotent!

After seizing command of TCE, I have delegated authority to my trusty lesbian sidekick, Alleil Pollard. Henceforth, as acting executor, Alleil will oversee the Byzantine bureaucracy.

Of course, the miners inevitably write me.

As you know, we are a PROUD antiganking guild.

I hope Alleil can keep up with the daily correspondence.

Good luck Alleil!

Bee well!