From The Source – Page 30 – ‎James 315 Space

What’s wrong?

Miners have a lot of questions.

They can’t tell up from down.

Who is winning? Who is losing?

Who am I?

Miners have such a strange way of talking.

I’m not sure what they are thinking.

I’m sure they feel quite normal.

However, something is wrong with their brain.

Like, really wrong.

FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B

Tempest in a Teapot

A few days ago, when I glanced at the CSM candidates, I failed to notice double trader Vily. Oh, he’s also running? I’d like to ignore him, but recent developments have forced me to acknowledge him.

Matterall has jumped the shark, whiteknighting for snowflake Vily, who was outrageously assaulted during an interview.

Mittens urged people to watch Vily’s boring interview, and Matterall construed this as egregiously inappropriate griefing.

That’s right. Goonswarm’s ‘raid’ of the CCP stream was analogous to a violent confrontation in which people died. Mittens deliberately and intentionally fired a loaded Goonswarm at Vily. This clearly ranks alongside other infamous moments in history, including the Reichstag Fire, the LA Riots, and the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre.

Since Vily’s interview was hosted by CCP, one wonders why Matterall is involved. We might assume that CCP is capable of managing their own channel, but Matterall is apparently a space Karen.

This has a lot to do with the basic psychology of carebears. For example, consider the recent clips of Coach Subway and HateLesS, two ‘chill’ dudes who suddenly became enraged and nearly (or actually) started punching their desk. There’s a lot boiling behind that calm exterior, and these people are looking for an excuse to claim they have been unfairly bullied (and are therefore justified in attacking others).

What happened in the Twitch stream? Did Goons spam the channel with vulgar words and shameful epitaphs? Surely, Materall wouldn’t whine about nothing? However, when I watched the video, I realized the Imperium did nothing wrong.

Frankly, the chat logs are exceedingly tame.

Basically, flying bumblebees.

There were a few criticisms…

…nothing that crossed any kind of line.

It was basically every other Twitch stream.

It was a ‘raid’.

Carebears keep trying to change culture, denouncing “bullies” and “griefers”. It’s reached the point where cartoon bees are considered violent. We need to remember that the real bullies are those who hide behind virtue signalling and manufactured outrage, demanding that others be punished for imaginary offenses.

Umm… It’s just dumb.

So umm, I’m just gonna, umm, kill all the umm carebears (in game).

The CSM 2021

I’ve never thought highly of the CSM. It seems like an attempt by CCP to avoid communication with players, by only interacting with a handful of people, and encouraging players to contact the CSM instead of CCP. It’s basically outsourced customer service, “Your opinion is very valuable to us… Please hold!” Regardless, I think it’s good to vote and try to get decent people elected.

Arsia Elkin

I don’t know much about her, but she’s a competent lowsec pilot. Unlike other candidates, Arsia wrote me to state her emphatic support for Highsec ganking. I think she’s sincere, intelligent, and an effective communicator.

Although Arsia is on the ‘other side’, and called me a “pirate”, I will vote for her. She recognizes that without someone to shoot, she will have “no game”. She is frustrated by certain prominent nullbears, who have been calling for nerfs to ganking. She hinted that one specific individual is not motivated by a desire to protect new players, but really they just want to AFK haul 20 billion isk across Highsec.

Arsia is someone who understands. If you are getting ganked, you are doing something wrong. I think it’s fair to say that Arsia is my ‘top vote’, and the following 9 individuals are also endorsed in no particular order.

Rixx Javix

Rixx is also a competent pilot. I have no opinion about the various controversies, but I can say this. Someone I respect is voting for Rixx, and I also will.

Phantomite

Phantomite is a salty grump, who refused to buy a mining permit. However, I’ll still vote for him. He’s active in PvP, and that’s good enough for me.

Angry Mustache

I’ve had positive interactions with Angry. He wants CCP to reduce market fees and encourage trade, which I agree is likely to stimulate overall gameplay.

Evie Kouvo

Basically me, but in an alternate wormhole universe.

Innominate

UNAPOLOGETICALLY A GOON.

Suitonia

Seems like a nerd, but whatever.

Merkelchen

Nice guy!

Brisc Rubal

Goon lawyers have forced me to endorse Brisc.

Aiko Danuja

I’m the best.

~~Mike Azariah~~

Mike wants to help newbros, but doesn’t know how. I don’t want to help them, but I know how. So I suggested they add a ganking mission to the New Player Experience, and Mike didn’t like this, because he doesn’t like ganking. I blame Mike for all the ignorant newbros. I thought about voting for him, but changed my mind.

~~Gay Pride BOOOOM~~

Gay Pride is a ganker. Unfortunately, he’s also a salty miner called Maplefox, who runs a carebear Highsec mining corporation in Abudban. I wasn’t terribly upset when he tried to scam me for isk and infiltrated our group, posing as a non-English speaking Russian, but when I tried to discuss this he ran away and hid. Bad form!

Obviously, this is someone that will not represent our community, since he isn’t part of it and doesn’t participate. The last thing we want is to elect a ‘ganker’ who ‘represents’ us, when they are actually a Highsec miner. Maplefox is not a good public speaker, and will not be able to fulfill the two important roles of a CSM member: communication with CCP and communication with the players. He is weak, and I would prefer to have no gankers on the CSM, rather than be represented by someone like this.

~~Dr Spodumain~~

Dr Spodumain is a whiteknight carebear, who banned me from TiS for “thirty years”. He literally believes I am personally and directly responsible for forcing Highsec miners to commit suicide IRL. Like, seriously.

~~Maldavius~~

Incompetent pleb, thinks I’m a scammer.

~~Jim Halescott~~

Don’t know him, but an idiot supports him, so that’s a red flag.

~~Progodlegend~~

Shipwrecked his alliance in Delve, bad at ECM warfare.

~~RonUSMC~~

Coach Subway, but in nullsec.

~~Gobbins.~~

Invites everyone to alliance, cries about spies and AWOX.

Lazar us (again)

You might think, by now, we would be bored of Highsec miner Lazar us. Surely, we have something better to do? Many whiteknights have thus come to me, whinging that it’s unfair to bully this poor young miner, who just wants to mine AFK (literally) and autopilot while he is in the bathroom (not washing his hands).

My answer to them is this: EVE is a sandbox, if we don’t like AFK miners, then we have the inalienable right to establish a civilization which forbids AFK mining, and we may enforce our laws as we see fit. Lazar has been repeatedly invited to speak with us, and purchase a mining permit, and he has instead chosen to be a criminal. That’s his choice. It’s not what we wanted for him, but unfortunately we cannot make exceptions to the law. If you are yourself a streamer, please note that streamers are not exempt from the law – anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

People are getting better at documenting our effort to convince Lazar to treat EVE with more dignity than Farmville. Here’s a nice video where Lazar lectures us about ‘harassment’ (miner talk for ‘law enforcement’) and breaks his mom’s glass.

Later, he apparently broke his cellphone.

All this causes us to question his mental state.

Some speculate that Lazar is pretending to have mental deficiencies. I conclude, as his space psychologist, that this young man exhibits a learning disability known as Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. When someone suggested he learn to D-Scan, this overwhelmed him with feelings of incompetence. He wants to be the best, but he is not, and this generates psychological dissonance. Unfortunately, being a crybaby is not a free pass to talk shit and play terribly. I would encourage him to calm down, and send me isk.

If you are still unsure whether Lazar is hypersane, watch this.

Videos often disappear from the internet, but art is forever. With this in mind, zuzzik has commissioned the following.

Not bad!

BRUH

Merbles had a strange fit.

Something was missing.

In fact, his entire ship vanished.

It sure sucks to be punished.

Miners just hate bureaucratic redtape.

However, why would civilians need battleships?

He began to hurl c-words at me.

After viewing my OnlyFans, he understood I’m a real Princess.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t willing to follow the rules.

He insisted that every civilian deserves a battleship.

Does the Code regulate battleships?

Well, I guess that settles the matter.

hey ho

Hello.

Sometimes, miners make mistakes.

Transgressions cannot be ignored.

The law is crystal clear.

I try to be nice.

I am a lawful good paladin.

It’s not hard to understand.

Even a noob can obey.

I’ll let you rub those rocks.

I just need you to understand one thing.

Obey, or die.

Any questions?

Comments?

Concerns?

Ok then. cYA!

Fortnite is Plebville

Fortnite is for plebs. In a world of blind poors, the one-eyed man is king. It was thus that Lazar us declared himself a ‘professional’, and decided to up his game. He downloaded EVE, started a ~~corporation~~ ‘squad’, and became a BILLIONAIRE Highsec miner. Someone stole his first Orca, but Lazar continued his space adventure.

Lazar was pleased to have so many new Twitch viewers, but was disturbed by the random ships bumping into him… and the “weird” Jackdaw, Firetail, Tengu, Buzzard, and various Catalysts following him from system to system.

Hiding his location didn’t seem to help.

Lazar was beginning to suspect that EVE is a PvP game.

Before long, his friend was gone.

Carebears whine and complain, claiming that we grief and bully newbros, but we did our best to show that EVE is a worthy challenge.

Lazar appreciated this, and began renouncing his “stupid” friend, making it clear that EVE is only for the most elite gamers. Unfortunately, he judged poorly, and accepted William Rageclaw (of minerbumping fame) as his personal white knight mentor. By the way, if you haven’t read my other blog, now is a good time. Anyways, Rageclaw advised Lazar to try PvE missions, with a predictable carebear result.

Afterward, Lazar’s capsule tried autopiloting to Jita, before returning to Amarr. He raged for hours, cursing anyone and everything (including Rageclaw).

I remember the moment I sat in lowsec, listening to creepy space music, and realizing that I didn’t have a friend in the galaxy. Lazar had this same epiphany in Highsec. His newbro bluster was gone, replaced by a thousand yard stare.