Buy a Retriever!

My name is Aiko Danuja.

I’m a Highsec gankerette.

Ever since James 315 ran off for a pack of cigarettes, and got ran over by a drunk semi at the truck stop, I’ve been struggling to find my way in EvE Online. All I want is to play the game, but I have to keep dealing with awkward declarations.

When James wrote this, he didn’t actually think he was victorious. What he thought, like so many before him, is that he was going to quit the game and facetiously declare victory. However, let me be clear. Quitters are not winners, they are lossers. Of course, I can understand why someone might quit, after playing for more than a decade. Unfortunately, roleplaying autists thought that this was a real victory, and they refused to undock. Indeed, if you truly believe James saved Highsec, then it is heretical to try and save Highsec. James already saved it, right?

This is not what victory looks like.

Someday I will quit EvE, and I will actually be victorious. In fact, I fully intend to declare victory before I quit, so I can lock in my winnings.

Meanwhile, we are not even close to victory.

The latest scandal is CCP’s decision to sell retrievers.

If he were alive, James would compose an eloquent monologue. Unfortunately, as a kickboxing widow, I’m not inclined to write essays. However, I want to emphasize one of the most compelling aspects of EvE Online. We have a market economy in which items are produced, distributed, and sold by players. This is hardly the first time that CCP has undermined that sacred pillar.

I understand why CCP wants to sell barges. I am sure that new players join the game, and aren’t sure how to get a ship. CCP just wants to give them a path into space. However, the correct solution is to improve the user interface. The correct solution is to improve the tutorial. Instead of fixing existing problems, CCP has taken a shortcut which offends the playerbase and undermines the economy. Of course, the sale of a retriever won’t destabilize the economy, but CCP should take heed that economies operate on faith. To quote John Maynard Keynes, “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.” If players do not have faith, then the game will die.

I kill more miners than anybody else. According to zkillboard, I am the top retriever killer, and my alts claim second place, third place, fourth place, and fifth place. I don’t care if CCP adds a few more barges, because I’m going to shoot them all.

However, the problem with slippery slopes, is they are slippery. In World of Warships, you can buy a battleship – why not in EvE Online? What is to stop CCP from deciding, as Merkelchen observed, that capital ship production is too difficult to balance? Instead of the tedious task of trying to manage an economy, why not just sell titan warpacks? Why not just skip all the nonsense and cut straight to the chase? $100 for a zkill loot box, and we can get dank killmails without logging in?

I’m not on the CSM, and CCP won’t make me a Partner.

However, if anyone is listening, I will say this. There is a red line, and CCP has been across that line for a long time. They should not be selling tangible items, which might give an in-game advantage. CCP should not be selling gold ammo, gold ships, skill points, destroyers, or mining barges. Any attempt to do this will cause players to lose faith in the game, and they will see it as “pay to win”. The players will quit playing. I would encourage the developers to focus on the monetization of superficial vanity items. For example, I have no objection to luxury monocles, and cat ears are clearly desired.

However, if CCP continues to sell spaceships, they will inevitably destroy the very essence of the game. People play EvE because it is difficult, and they will stop playing if ships are available with the swipe of a credit card.

w/e

What else is new?

snuffcore released an artistic impression of me.

Wow, that looks just like me!

Antiganker plainpain jane is obsessing hard.

Meanwhile, miner Hambart just wants attention.

Anyways, I’m having a great time.

We can chat later.

I’ve got other things to do.

Ya know?

See ya!

Safety Dance

Well, hello there!

This is the best EvE Online blog.

Everyone is practicing for the Broadway musical.

We are just getting started.

We’ve still got a long way to go!

Miners are auditioning daily.

In Eve Online, the drama is real.

I don’t know what’s happening, but I can tell you this.

We are gonna have a lot of fun.

We are going to help a lot of miners.

We might even make some money!

Murder for Hire

I run a PvP alliance.

Highsec is my SAFE space.

Recently, toxicninja had a Safety incident.

Subsequently, he investigated the origin of his demise.

As toxic suspected, this was a targeted assassination.

Could he guess who ordered the hit?

That’s right! It was his old nemesis, HogTits.

For nearly a full day, HogTits bullied and griefed his way through Torrinos.

Jinx Beirutbomb > Can I inquire as to the nature of your dispute?
toxicninja > honsetly i was just minning
toxicninja > he said target aquired and left the astroid feild

However, ninja needed more evidence.

Would another ganker confirm Jinx’s testimony?

She sung like a bird, throwing HogTits under the bus.

ninja had been caught by a professional bounty hunter.

Novus Plebbo wannabes copy me, because I’m the best.

In a game like EvE Online, social skills matter.

I killed toxicninja, and he liked it.

I run a “very pro team”.

In fact, we are going to kill them all.

They can thank us later.

Hmph

Listening to: Crazy

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed.

It’s not easy being a girl.

Everybody has something to say.

Men are disgusting pigs.

Wutev.

There’s only one way to respond.

Let’s take their stuff, and kill them.

That sounds fun.

Ya know?

That’s right.

I’m a princess.

You’re driving me crazy
With the loot that you left behind
You’re driving me ohh you drive me crazy
All the loot that you left behind
I don’t feel sorry
And it’s driving me out of my mind oh yes

You don’t undock anymore
You only argue, fuss, and cry
And it’s driving me oh it’s driving me crazy
All the loot that you left behind

I tell ya I don’t love you
I tell ya I don’t care
But I still feel a thing is all around in through my head
And it’s driving me ohh it’s driving me crazy
All the loot that you left behind

Antiganking Cowards

Hypocrite antigankers call us newbro griefers.

Newbro Rion Bancroft was griefed, by antigankers in fancy cats.

Who is really griefing the newbros?

Giacomo Restivo is another antigank loser, desperate for relevance.

He put his name in CAPITALS, hoping someone would notice him.

He’s an absolute zero, accomplishing nothing at a safe distance.

Giacomo is also a space pedo – living in a rookie system.

Gankers fight fair, against CONCORD…

…but Giacomo waits for newbros to misclick on a yellow box.

Giacomo gets off on easy kills.

He brings his alt, in case the venture shoots back.

Gankers use tier 1 destroyers. Cowards use faction fit Hecates.

I give miners a fighting chance.

Unlike antiganking pedos, I’m not hiding in a Highsec blingmobile.

Aiko Monument

Vinnegar Douche spotted an antiganker, in a hole.

It was crime fighting time!

Check out this video of a real life antiganker!

Anyways, I’ve been wondering….

Would Vinnegar support my proposal?

We need Aiko monuments, in game and in reality!

I was pleased to learn that Vinnegar is a man of reason and culture.

Everyone agrees, it’s time for our first Aiko monument.

So many great ideas!

I want to thank everybody who has supported me, and my alliance.

As always, I have to acknowledge James 315.

I wouldn’t even be here without him.

Honestly, this was all his idea.

Everything is proceeding according to plan.

That’s right.

Cheers!

Unholy Unpas

The New Order has heritage and history.

Of course, agents are always (get it?) excited to visit Holy Halaima, which James 315 settled in 2012. However, there are many noteworthy systems, such as Arvasaras (where James learned to bump) and Kino (where rebellion triggered eternal Triglavian damnation). Uedama and Isanamo were established as staunch bastions, whilst Agil is celebrated as the birthplace of Princess Aiko. More recently, other systems rose to prominence. For example, in Auviken, the mighty Safety. alliance first eclipsed the dottering CODE. alliance. Likewise, we behold UNHOLY UNPAS, a system infested by Ventures.

It was in Unpas, where we established ourselves as the #1 PvP Champions of ALLTIME. If Halaima is our Mecca, then Unpas is our Medina. It is in Unpas, where heroes such as Shekelstein Shakiel, BigNoseRabbi OyVeyShekels, and CALM DOWN MINERS share the GOOD NEWS with all minerdom. Meanwhile, in adjacent Uitra, false agents lead miners astray with terrible missions.

I remember my own humble beginnings, as a women’s studies major at Hedion University, in the system of Conoban. I was so scared and nervous, that first time I snuck out of the starter system, exploring the adjacent wasteland of Mora. I expected to die instantly, when I jumped the gate, but soon found myself utterly bored with the mundane realities of Highsec. Fortunately, students at Uitra have a more engaging experience. They even have a saying there, “Unpas, where Ventures go to die.”

CCP frowns at shooting newbros in Uitra, but there’s no rule against euthanizing them, once they leave the reservation. Ah, but here’s a question…

Does Venture hunting provide quality content?

Yes, yes, I think so.

Unpas is a sacred place.

Unpas is a SAFE space.

Rejoice, for in Unpas was the Order born anew.