Category: Content

Absolute Racism

Listening to: AO Downfall

Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online

Hey there.

We’ve all heard the rumors.

Absolute Order is absolutely racist.

These are real screenshots from EvE Online.

Oh wow, ok.

See what I mean?

We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.

They cannot be reasoned with.

It’s not just the racism.

Absolute Order is absolutely mental.

We know how to deal with this.

Just bump them all.

Governor Lee done goofed.

Consequences will never be the same.

We’ve met before.

Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?

That’s right.

We go way back.

Wayback.

What will MrLee think of next?

Suck It

Miners love the attention.

DillonEllett > imma keep drinkin and just say i know the life yea lol , and your the osmon boss
DillonEllett > sup im about that life lol what stops you from the med fish i see your kb ,miners yes easy fish “big” kill them all afk or bot / why do you not kill the l4 – i get it if you save/alt your shit ,fun times right , so if not AND IF THIS IS YOUR MAIN FUN , im just lookin to be you know a spy , this is what i do when my boys are off so your here always im around maybe i fit passive and scan fits and you know they sit still ?
DillonEllett > hello?
DillonEllett > you put me on hold fker lol
DillonEllett > 15 mins i rl stuff i do have a lady and kid but i got that then down the street for drink brb sorry
Aiko Danuja > haha have a drink on me

That’s why they never shut up.

Welcome to EvE Online.

This is not a paid advertisement.

It’s not an easy game.

It feels good to bully Highsec miners.

It’s a lot of fun.

I find it amusing.

I’ve even met some interesting men.

Cheerzah brav.

End of an Era, Part 17

End of an Era, Part 1

It was a rainy day in Incursion Town.

The roads were infested with rats.

Editor’s Note: The original design of incursions, developed by developers who no longer develop the game, was for players to race through a maze of tunnels filled with scary space monsters… whoever made it first, could fight the BIG BOSS MOTHERSHIP for isk and glory.

In 2024, Wrathful Hawk decisively won the game.

Outwitting the carebears, he went straight through lowsec.

Along the way, Hawk met a few friends.

These boys took their entire bling fleet through Vecamia.

It’s a shortcut.

This is was some real content, in EvE Online.

Sun Tzu said the greatest warriors evade battle altogether.

That was EvE Online in its finest hour.

What happened next?

Highsec carebears failed again.

This was the typical cry and whine.

Hawk simply outplayed the plebs.

To be continued…

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 316

Listening to: Hahaha

Here’s to thirteen fourteen years of failure in Uminas!

At least I’m having fun in EvE Online.

Here’s a neat trick.

First, I gank them.

Then, I gank their friends.

Next, I undock the big bomper!

This usually gets their attention.

Talking to me, or my alts, is one dangerous game.

Highsec is a Safe space!

No free samples.

Miners are tightfisted Scrooges.

Have you heard of Aiko Danuja, the greatest player in EvE Online?

I make things happen.

I’m a real content generator.

Once you meet me, you’ve already lost.

This miner was one tough negotiator.

Every miner is a little special.

I’m a helpful princess.

Fortunately, mining permits are still in fashion.

However, after payment, he immediately blocked me.

I guess I can sell this permit to someone else.

I’d call that a win.

=FOREIGN LANGUAGE CONTEST=

Contest Rules: Send 1 billion isk to Aiko Danuja, and guess the magic word. Put that as the payment reason, and receive one (1) entry.

Meanwhile….

xd)

=Afterwards=

I eventually taught Lady Krabs to unblock me.

I make the galaxy go round.

Miner Obsession, Part 2

Dark Disco

Miner Obsession, Part 1

Hey there.

I’m a subject matter expert (SME).

Welcome to Part II of my FanFest Presentation.

Miners have been stalking gankers for years.

Sometimes, they just want to say hi.

Believe it or not, there are women in the galaxy.

I’m doing great, btw.

You just can’t win Incels Online.

Some people can’t decide if I’m a guy or a girl.

Bro…

In game or out of game.

Ain’t no man getting attention like this.

If I ‘win’ EvE, at least you’ll know why.

Regardless, boys only want one thing from me.

Whatever I am, they love it.

Honestly, some of them are just plain crazy.

He wants me to commit suicide, in real life.

Blocking him doesn’t work.

I’ve blocked him at least 100 times.

Ain’t I a woman?

(yes he drew that)

Here’s the same guy, a month later.

Same guy, twenty minutes later.

Three minutes later.

Another month later.

See what I mean?

Oh look, another antiganker.

These plebs are obsessed with me, in real life.

I deserve it – right?

Oh boy, it never stops.

The diagnosis is clear.

I’m gonna blog.

Some of this is funny.

Most of it is cringe.

Some of it is mental.

All of it is batshit crazy.

Oh man, I really missed out.

What???

Uh…

Anyways…

No!

To be continued…

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #247

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #246

Oh, hey there.

I guess it’s mailtime.

Some miners are not upset.

They are quite calm.

Some miners roleplay as notaminers.

No mining in Delve!

That’s right.

This Orca had plenty of ‘no’ warning…

It was all a setup! The miner exposed CCP’s evil ways.

I’m the most upvoted person in EvE forum history.

Unlike some people, I actually play EvE Online.

I get way too much email (unlike James, I don’t have a cute secretary).

It is funny tho.

A mining sniper, and not even his first time…

Bro has been doing that longer than I’ve played.

Send me one billion isk, buy 5 get one free.

Boy, I got so much game up in here.

Wow, just wow.

I can’t wait to hear more.

That’s right.

I won’t tolerate griefing in my alliance.

Sure thing, little buddy.

Ah, but I’m also cute.

That’s my isk/hr.

Hey, I’m having fun)

Absolute Manchild

Listening to: Cat Sky Live

Absolute Order has a pro streamer.

Cat Sky is concerned about “gay furry hackers” in EvE Online.

He sure do talk a lot….

…and he’s more than a little salty.

Some people “play the game without paying attention.”

Wow, just wow.

Cat Sky is not an EvE Partner.

Nor is he calm.

What a guy.

He just needs a mining permit.

Cat Sky admits the following IRL offenses:

Grand Theft Auto (multiple counts)
Grand Theft Firearm (multiple counts)
Theft of Motor Vehicle License Plate (multiple counts)
Destruction of Government Property (multiple counts)
Organized Retail Theft (multiple counts)
Assault and Battery (multiple counts)
Terroristic Threats (multiple counts)
Armed Robbery (multiple counts)
Wire Fraud (multiple counts)
Conspiracy (multiple counts)
Solicitation (multiple counts)
Trafficking (multiple counts)
Burglary (multiple counts)
Sedition (multiple counts)
Arson (multiple counts)

He calls us “born worthless skibidi PoS loser toilet goblins.”

However…

We’ve met Cat Sky before.

Here’s his first big movie:

Now he has another banger.

“Piece of shit Reddit toilet bugs
Boiling up out of the skibidi toilet internet
Piece of shit Reddit losers boiling up
Out of the goddamn boring loser internet dregs
Using the only power they got
Little internet keyboard warrior losers”

“You are a fucking skibidi toilet born loser piece of shit ass nobody cares all seven thousand people are trolling you fucking loser ass. I don’t care if you morph into something else, some born loser thing, I don’t care if you do. I’ve had seven idiots like you join the club, nobody cares about your born loser PIECE OF SHIT ASS FUCKING STALKER CYBER BULLY BULLSHIT FUCKING LOSER ASSES THEY ALL KNOW IT ALL SEVEN THOUSAND OF THEM ARE LAUGHING AT YOU… and it’s not some lie, it’s actually like this.”

Cheerzah brav!

=BEHIND THE SCENES=

=FINAL COMMENTS=

Astero Wannabe

In EvE Online, carebears are creepbears.

Everything has a price.

There’s only way to respond.

I sent IceyCreeper619 straight to Zboard.

Then I sent a bill, for a bill.

What a neat trick.

Get ganked, miner.

That’s right.

Every miner has a dream.

It’s always nonsense.

Don’t forget to buy your mining permits.

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 51

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 1

There are a lot of alts.

CCP thought these were new players.

Each character imbued with a unique personality.

The primary purpose of the 1000+ alts we applied into MRMNG was to send in-game corp mails.

Our alts adopted various personas. They would surface posing as concerned linemembers, newly promoted corp officers, Agents of the New Order, Metallica enthusiasts, Hapsburg princesses, marine biologists, Ryan Reynolds, chronically ill teenagers, and so on. Over 90000 corp mails were sent over the course of the campaign, which ensured uninterrupted dialogue with the other 2000 members of Mission Ready Mining (aka Fly Fearless).

Meanwhile, New Order agents ensured Safety.

Tunnel Snakes are a menace.

Fly Fearless had a Snake infestation.

Every miner needs help.

They were about to get a lot of Assistance.

However, Safety isn’t free.

Next Time, on Part 52…