CCP – Page 11 – ‎James 315 Space

Krig’s Korner, Episode 3

James fucked off, and now I have to do everything.

Ok, fine, let’s see what Ryan wants.

Previously, Warugaki donated dozens of billions to the mighty Safety alliance.

BREAKING NEWS: Wrathful Hawk made a superb video!

We now return to our regularly scheduled Krig’s Korner.

Hi. It’s me again. Last time, on Krig’s Korner, Princess Aiko let me out to play and I got into trouble 🙁

Fortunately, Asketus was calm, and I did not elicit an illegal emotional response. Apparently, those are bad. We must refrain from emotions in EvE Online. Any emotional response could provoke an all-out dairy disaster.

I was still in my unemotional Korner when I ran into an emotionally vapid whale. Everyone knows that I love have no particular sentiment toward whales and I merely wanted an emotionless experience. Therefore, I respectfully initiated an emotionfree session with him/her/xie/xe/zim/zur/zing.

Princess Aiko says I can get a little too rough when playing. If I am not nice, she will send me back to the Korner! So, I offered my new friend a fair deal.

The miner accepted my dispassionate proposal.

He even sent some free iskies.

In compliance with the EULA, I felt nothing whatsoever.

Inexplicably, the miner ejected from his spaceship.

Imagine my surprise, when he attempted to gank me.

I could tell he was nervous. Look, when it is someone’s first time, you need to consider their feelings. Don’t just start pounding and smashing. That could elicit an emotional response, and I needed this miner to calm down.

Just like that, the deed was done.

Imagine my surprise, when he abandoned his own Orca.

As a good friend, I contracted it to him. Unfortunately, he did not have enough ISK. I almost felt bad, because nobody wants to be friends with a poor.

Regardless, emotions shouldn’t dictate our gameplay.

His space-lunch money is safe with me.

I left him with some dispassionate advice.

Farewell, old friend.

He lingered for awhile.

I felt nothing, as he faded away.

Suddenly, he tried to bait me into an emotional experience.

However, I still felt nothing.

We are no longer friends.

He had a bad attitude.

LOVE FOR MINERS

CCP loves the little miners.

They are just precious.

The EULA states that they can grief me, and it’s my fault.

I’m just a positive ray of sunshine.

Everywhere I go, the miners are always watching.

I love to meet the common plebs.

I’m just trying my best.

I sure hope nobody has an emotional experience.

Calm down miners!

Peace and Love

CCP wants everyone to calm down.

~~Everyone~~ Gankers must remain respectful.

We must reject all forms of griefplay harassment.

It is a bannable offense to ignore a miner’s emotional distress.

Every player deserves respect.

Streamers are a privileged caste, with more rights than ordinary players.

I’m just playing an emotionless videogame.

We always treat each other with RESPECT and DIGNITY.

We must never provoke an emotional response.

I have read the secret IceCream annex to the EULA.

You can threaten to rape me in real life, it’s clearly my fault.

PvP is a violation of the EULA, because it triggers an emotional experience.

EvE is a game for peaceful AFK miners.

The player count proves that CCP knows how to develop this game!

Toxic IceCream

As you already know, I am EVE’s greatest historian.

Recently, GM Senior GM IceCream accused gankers of “griefing” and “harassment”. This is the same GM who teleported his titan, to avoid a lossmail. A lot of people felt this was cheating, and it was. This is also the same GM who banned Cliff Ozuwara, wrongly asserting that pulling CONCORD is an exploit. Cliff was subsequently unbanned, but this rogue GM is still out there, trying to redefine the rules.

James 315 knew my pain. I honestly don’t know if I’m allowed to post, clip, annotate, discuss, screenshot, highlight, or paraphrase GM statements. I’ve heard multiple interpretations of the rules, all with their own supporting citations. Unfortunately, CCP is notoriously unwilling to provide clear communication.

Krig has authorized me to share his response.

Click below to expand the screenshot.

Believe it or not, but Safety. is not the only ganker guild. Another group, one I’ve never heard of, ganked a streamer without any involvement from us. Subsequently, IceCream conducted a thorough investigation, and has threatened to permanently ban “without appeal” numerous gankers (including myself). Let me be clear, I had no involvement with this gank. IceCream has even acknowledged that I was not involved. However, he is still threatening to ban me, because my “cohort” is guilty.

I conducted my own investigation. Olanlee Andrews made numerous IRL death threats, including “go light yourselves on fire, and blow your brains out” and “you deserve one in the head.” This miner stated that he understands why spree shooters kill people, and blamed gankers for triggering IRL mass shootings. I find this narrative credible, because miners frequently make such comments.

IceCream feels gankers are responsible for toxic behavior. When a ganker kills a miner, it’s apparently understandable that a miner would make IRL death threats. IceCream believes gankers should be banned, so that miners don’t have these “emotional” thoughts. IceCream stated this is not open to debate, and he will not discuss it.

IceCream is also aware that Kalvaen Voidwalker (aka Lulu) pretended to commit suicide. He knows about this, because Kalvaen is actually my alibi. At the very moment Olanlee was ganked, I was reporting Kalvaen to CCP.

Kalvaen didn’t just threaten suicide. He pretended to actually commit suicide. However, IceCream feels I had no “ingame incentive” to gank for ORE strip miners, since it’s not profitable. The only logical explanation is that I am a griefer, and I left Kalvaen with “no resort” other than fake suicide. Yes, IceCream tried to justify Kalvaen’s behaviour, and blamed me for “griefing” the Mackinaw.

When miners get upset and freak out, because they are bad at a videogame, they know that GM Icecream will always blame us. It is our fault they are having a temper tantrum. In fact, we even told them to “calm down”.

Years ago, when James 315 was bumping about, he was threatened with a ban unless he justified his activity with “miner permit roleplay”. Nowadays, we are told this does not justify ganking, but it does justify violent IRL threats.

IceCream might ban all of us, but I am telling the truth.

The Highsec mining community is toxic.

Dress for Success

Some exciting news from CCP!

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Our luxury fitwear is manufactured in the finest Bangladeshi facility.

We have a full line of cute summer apparel.

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Nice!

Show your pride, with the number one Highsec mining guild!

That’s right!

CSM 2022

I’m not excited about the CSM, and I don’t have the impression that CCP listens to advice from the CSM. However, in theory, CCP might one day discuss something with the CSM, and perhaps consider their feedback.

You can vote here: https://community.eveonline.com/community/csm/vote/

I hope CSM candidates will listen to me. Stop catering to carebears, miners, and crabs. Focus on PvP, and you will retain players who are bored. EvE does not need safe places, new players do not need coddling, and Highsec needs more risk. Ultimately, I will be voting for the following CSM candidates, in the following order.

Arsia Elkin was my top choice last year. I know she is a traitor, betraying the people of Amarr to side with filthy barbarians. The Minmatari are lawless scum, not even fit to be slaves, and Arsia’s actions are a disgrace. Nevertheless, Arsia is a competent PvP pilot. I’ve watched her Twitch, and she’s the best candidate. That negative security status tells us that Arsia is a friend, and she recognizes a fact which eludes carebears. EvE is a PvP game, and PvP is not griefing. This is someone who is clearly intelligent, rational, and capable of objectivity. CCP has announced that they intend to focus on lowsec for the next few years, and it is important that we prioritize lowsec PvP candidates.

Trottel Elf is an absolute more on. I don’t think he will bring anything of value to the CSM, but he paid for my vote.

Torvald Uruz is another lowsec PvP pilot. His security status is a little too high, which confirms that he is a carebear, but I will still vote for him as I can tell he is dedicated to the improvement of lowsec.

Phantomite is a know-it-all turbo nerd, with a smug condescending attitude. I doubt he will ever get over himself, but he’s not entirely stupid.

Honestly, I’ve come around to Team Brisc. I used to think he was a politician, but now I believe he is a politician. I no longer consider him personally responsible for CCP’s bad decisions, and I recognize his remarkable effort. More than any other candidate, Brisc engages in discussion, and I respect that even when we disagree. More importantly, Brisc has taken meaningful steps to lower his security status. I know Brisc is super salty about not being my top choice, but he’s no longer my bottom choice.

Pandoralica undocks and does something. Never invites me to fleet

Ithica Hawk is a nerd, in real life. Nerds love running for CSM.

Mark is our token wormhole candidate.

Angry talks too much, and I’m not convinced he knows what he is yapping about.

Cat ears, when? Winzen is a shameless gas huffer.

***

That’s it.

All other candidates have failed to pay my endorsement fee.

Kill them All

Hananeri Muvilla wrote an internet essay.

Breaking news right here.

Princess Aiko hates new players.

She hates them in game, and in real life.

Disclaimer: That’s literally not what I said.

Fan Fest, Part 2

Previously, in Iceland, CCP faced tough questions.

One thing became clear, it is time for an Aiko statue.

This is an undeniable reality.

It’s what the galaxy needs.

Meanwhile, CCP Rattati defined “new player”.

Carebears believe in a regional skill gradient (from Highsec to nullsec). However, as Rattati stated, “You are not a new player, [just because you are] in Highsec.” According to CCP, players cease to be ‘new’ when they reach 30 days, or leave the New Player Experience. Highsec is not the tutorial, and it is not “griefing” to engage Naval Academy graduates.

Rattati noted that CCP wasted “considerable time and resources” investigating carebear allegations. While griefers do disrupt the tutorial, gankers don’t. CCP determined that gankers and griefers are two separate groups, and ganking is explicitly allowed. Isanamo is not a mining tutorial, nor is Uedama a hauling tutorial. These are elite PvP zones, and Rattati emphasized that ganking is “fair” gameplay.

COOL FACT: When we changed our alliance name, we ensured that autist crybots would get confused. If you still think James 315 is griefing miners, then you obviously aren’t paying attention. Fortunately, CCP is not siding with antigankers, and Rattati concluded (to thunderous applause), “Gankers, you’re SAFE.”