Category: Always!

The Best Revenge, Part 96

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Now then, dear Reader, where were we? It all began a long time ago, when a Highsec Orca got into a standoff with Kalooooronooed Kalorned. Before long, Tweeps and Princess Aiko and Dolphin Don hailed aiva naali as the Grand High Lord of the Delve. Indeed, The Mittani personally appointed aiva (now avia, aka ‘lil bullet, aka Gooninatius Reximus, aka He Who Knocks) as the lead abstract theorecraftitician of the entire Swarm. Yea, and did aiva avia solemnly prophesize the double trading of Vily, who did thusly conspire with the WHORE Elise Randolph.

With TEST reeling before his counteroffensive, the suppercomputer began playing nth+n+2th-dimensional chess, in hyperspace.

Meanwhile, in the secret Goon headquarters, Aiko and avia developed the Goon Bounty Board, as a means to ensure that unemployed drones were able to find suitable work to ensure the survival of the hive.

At every moment, avia is watching his Swarmlings, dutifully guiding them toward victory.

It was avia who snuffed out Snuffed Out.

It was avia who kept our FCs safely hidden away.

It was avia who taught James 315 how to minerbump.

It all started with a modest vow to utterly destroy Pandemic Horde.

It became the best revenge.

To be continued…

 

Just wait…

Miners make a lot of special requests.

They simply don’t understand what is happening.

They are worried about the future.

Who will help the miners?

The poor little things…

I know exactly what they need.

We are going to cleanse the galaxy.

If you don’t read my blog, you are dead already.

The rest of you, well, you better send me money.

No refunds!

Honorable Mentions

Recently, on the forums, they were discussing the greatest EVE players of all time.

Consensus naturally formed around myself, with Brisc Rubal in second place.

Let’s consider some other honorable mentions.

Elite PvE miners, who don’t shoot back, they are the real heroes – right?

The poor miners struggle daily, to ensure CCP doesn’t get any funding.

Why pay for PLEX, when you can just grind?

Mining is a truly honorable profession.

Well, at least, it’s relaxing…

The miners are content.

Without them, we’d have no game.

Without us, they’d have no game.

We are like two peas in a pod.

I’m glad to see miners are still out there.

I just want to meet them all.

What would we do without miners?

Cheers!

Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

 

Stay SAFE

The high security zone is a Safe Space.

It’s ok to mine, as long as you pay rent.

It’s not like someone is going to gank you.

Right?

Gankers are irrelevant noobs who can’t even PvP.

You can play your game however YOU want.

Just watch out for angry space feminist griefers…

My mother supports me, 100%.

I live in the basement, and Daddy plexes my accounts.

I’m the greatest heroin in the galaxy.

I’m here to PvP ships that can’t shoot back.

After I dunk them, I’m gonna extort them.

I ain’t no roleplayer.

I’m a space bully meanie.

So give me your lunch money.

Otherwise, I’m gonna keep you real safe.

 

The Best Revenge, Part 95

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka SUPERFASTBULLET GOZOOM, aka Mittens Loves Kittens, aka The GewnFueherer, warned the Swarm not to push past 45% galactic dominance until ready for “the big push”.

Ensconced inside Goonswarm High Command, avia was well positioned to grasp the grand strategic situation, and plotted endlessly to destroy that whore, Elise Randolph, and her double traiting sidekick, Vily.

As always, avia was assisted by his combat secretary, Princess Aiko, and their loyal synthetic companion, Slackbot.

Together, they made an unstoppable team. Of course, from time to time, Aiko would make stupid mistakes, and avia would use these as learning opportunities to train Goonswarm’s elite fighting bumblebees.

Indeed,  you’ve been hearing it for months, and now it is CONFIRMED. Goonswarm hereby invites anyone, and everyone, to attack Pandemic Horde and take as much of their territory as possible! The rules are simple: 1) Don’t shoot Goons, and 2) Contract all loot to Aiko Danuja (or any other verified Goonswarm director).

avia’s suppercomputer implants whirred with brilliant ideas, the beginning of a successful campaign, Operation Honeypot. He also devised the now infamous Bzzbzzbzz lag / power gun n-1 vorton elemental doctrine.

With the help of Aiko, avia held ultimate power.

It was a good partnership.


As the cost of war took its toll, avia naturally considered other means of funding the Imperium. For example, the Jobworks! program allows Goon combat pilots to get a second job with the home gaurd or the lodgistics bears.

 

 

MrLeafs

    
[Cue Lights]

Aiko Danuja > 100000000
MrLeafs > I only need give it to you
MrLeafs > no one else ?
Aiko Danuja > That’s right.
Aiko Danuja > Well done.
MrLeafs > ill come for my stuff now
Aiko Danuja > ok

     [Zopiclone enters, stage right]

Aiko Danuja > He is ready to arrange pickup of the Mackinaw.
Zopiclone > Ok.

     [Aiko turns to MrLeafs, making a sad face]

Aiko Danuja > Zopi requires 50 million to release the ship.
MrLeafs > im prepared to send the 50
Zopiclone > No scam there.
MrLeafs > I’m not saying the scam is there

MrLeafs lost a Mackinaw, and bought another.

In a cruel harsh galaxy, Princess Aiko is a veritable saint.

When a miner needs help, Our Lady of Agil is there.

Somehow, MrLeafs spent more than he anticipated.

Fortunately, Aiko is always willing to negotiate in good faith, always!

100 + 50 + 25 + 25… +5…

+20!

MrLeafs was most pleased, paying a 20% tip in advance!

Aiko truly appreciates friendship.

She deserves it.

Alas, MrLeafs was a grumpy old Scrooge.

He didn’t appreciate Aiko’s help.

He began to lash out, with threatening language.

Suddenly, he began trying to extort Aiko!

They felt a connection, finishing each other’s sentences.

Was it meant to be?

MrLeafs missed his chance, wallowing in a depression of his own making.

Meanwhile, Aiko was dealing with her own grief.

Finally, MrLeafs worked up his courage, and asked the BIG question.

His Mackinaw was gone forever. Sad!