Category: Always!

Straight to Valhalla

Hey there.

It’s actually amazing.

My wannabe rivals are still not in the top 1000 (LOL).

Recently, I’m sporting a new look.

I’m looking BETTER THAN EVER.

Damn girl.

You love it.

Like a blushing boss B.

That’s right.

Everybody notices me!

Recently, I set a new record.

You can’t argue with success!

What does this mean for you and me?

Let me re-explain Valhalla.

Everyone who plays EvE Online goes to Valhalla.If you are amongst the thousand greatest, you are invited to party in my box. The next nine thousand, plebs like Suitonia, will be cast into darkness, gnashing their teeth in miserable anguish. Everyone else, anyone who ever made an account, will become a ravaging zombie. If you are fortunate enough to be in the top hundred thousand, you will be a fast zombie. Those loser lossers will tear each other apart, whilst we party in the Hall of the Thousand. However, what if you are in the top 100? Thence shalt ye feast at yon Long Table, with the greatest warriors in galactic history.

That’s right!

Congratulations Aiko!

Missing a Friend

I guess I’m having a hard time.

Sometimes, you lose someone that mattered.

Art Gravy, aja kjeezy, aka Mike Kuhn was my friend.

He was kind to new players, and just a chill dude.

I never saw it coming.

It sucks to miss a friend.

Someone scammed them out of everything!

That’s really fucked up.

He died a few hours later…

Valar morghulis.

I’m so sorry about that.

Fortunately, he paid a billion isk for my corpse.

Art. that means you are invited to Valhalla.

As your Valkyrie, let me say I’m honoured.

#MegaBigSad

o7

That’s right.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-for-cara-and-phoenix-after-michaels-passing

Fappots Online

I obviously like the attention.

There are perks to being me.

That’s right.

That’s right!

A girl knows what she needs.

I drive the boys wild.

There’s a lot of truth in that.

Miners sure have a way with words…

Every man has his fantasy.

They can’t get enough of that.

Woah, calm down miners.

Ya, that’s not happening.

I like to keep it classy.

That’s just my role in life.

Indeed.

That’s right.

That’s right!

Arche Dies in Amarr

He wasn’t a happy miner.

What happened?

Illegal mining is not tolerated in sacred Amarr!

This ethic has been consistent for millennia.

All miners must be extirpated (this is your warning).

Silly bears always threaten revenge.

They also try to scam us.

Firsty of, if an ignoremus doesn’t leasrn, then he gets blowonged!

Will they ever obey the law?

Some people are just out of touch with reality.

That’s right… go in flames…

xD

PLOT TWIST: He let me kill him?

CHATGPT SAYS…

Indeed.

1800 Bad Names

Over the years, we have repeatedly encountered some of the more intriguing characters in EvE Online. We have thus met such engaging roleplay personalities as Sluthead Analrape Analdickhead, Hitlr Was Right, and the Burnt Jew. Since CCP recently asked me to compile a comprehensive list of such names, some of these may soon disappear, so let’s check them out before they are gone forever!

Sluthead Analrape Analdickhead

What a cutie!

Nathaniel ‘Nate’ Higger

She doesn’t look racist?

FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD N

What a nice nguy!

KuKluxKitten Umangiar

Meow!

ButtePirate Holocaust

Watch out for this one!

AdolfStalin

Nice mustache, Herr comrade!

thatcreepydude pedophilia

EvE Online is one hell of a game.

Chimpface Holocaust

A lot of incel racists enjoy EvE Online.

George CantBreathe Floyd

Some of these names are a little offensive…

Kill Yourself SrslyDoItNow

EvE Online is no place for young children!

Freddo The Pedo

Seriously…

MexicanKiller AntiNigro

ICE does a lot of recruiting in Jita.

Fingerbottom Von Auschwitz

I just reported 1800 carebear neo-Nazis to CCP!

It needed to be done.

White Power GasTheJews

Get fucked!

Please GasTheKikes

Here’s the full list of 1800 inappropriate names.

Gay Nigers H1tler3000

What a game!


Ganker of the Year

Who is the greatest ganker in the history of EvE Online?

One name comes immediately to mind.

Can you guess who?

Let’s allow the miners to vote…

Once again, Aiko Danuja is the clear winner.

Congratulations are pouring in from across the galaxy.

Why do I deserve such high honours?

Oh, that’s easy to understand.

I’m literally the best (and I know it).

I’m just a natural born bot killer.

o7 capsuleers!

(meanwhile in local…)

Hazzik Speaks Up

I’m a plague on the galaxy.

Hazzik gets it.

He understands the deal.

Let’s hear him out.

That’s right.

He missed the New Year’s Sale?

I’m here to help.

A miner’s laugh is worth a thousand tears.

Don’t fly a pod you can’t afford to lose.

Hazzik was studying space biology (drugs).

Now he understands the game.

Welcome to EvE Online.