Krig’s Korner, Part II

I’ve been away for a while. Apparently, Princess Aiko doesn’t like it when you pull on her ponytail. Fortunately, I am no longer grounded!!

Previously, on Krig’s Korner, I helped a miner.

I also saved an entire miner’s guild.

I-F-L = I Fucking Lost?

Captain Krig always gets his whale.

But, reee!  I don’t see an orca killmail…  Where is it?!

Calm down, Deckhand Julian.  See that golden pod up there?

Krig Povelli > Hi
Krig Povelli > Would you like to save your ship?
Asketus > ok

He was quite reasonable, surrendering 700 million and the Orca.

Asketus > ok thx
Asketus > you were smarter than metoday

I sure was!

Meanwhile, miner Warugaki continues to seek Safety services.

We had been trying to let him move on with his life.

However, he discovered the night shift.

A quick conversation was lucrative, for no apparent reason.

Everyone was amazed.

Subsequently, Warugaki bought a travel visa.

It wasn’t cheap.

When that didn’t work, he bought another.

Why?

Some people just really want to mine in Delve.

Another Orca

Yesterday, we examined one way to defeat an Orca.

Today, we consider another method.

When you shoot the orbiter drones, a sleepy Orca might wake up.

Warugaki was surprised to find his griefer, sitting right next to him.

Oops!

Fortunately, Jesus was bored and willing to negotiate.

Warugaki had about enough of this griefing nonsense.

He just needed to pay a small fee of 100 300 400 million isk.

At least the Orca was SAFE.

Suddenly, Warugaki ejected from his Orca, and tried to gank Jesus!

Jesus thus found himself in possession of an abandoned Orca.

Afterward, Jesus tried to give the Orca back.

Fair dinkum!

It was a great deal.

Nice!

Eventually, someone else bought the Orca.

I’m sure Warugaki enjoyed his mining adventure.

Where is gibasten13+1?

A lot of people (nobody) has been wondering where he is.

gibasten13+1 (aka 100percent loot) has terminal autism.

He was last seen threatening irl violence.

Some people are retarded in real life.

This is what it’s like, to have retards in your alliance.

gibasten14 has a stupid name, with a stupid number.

13+1 is an unlucky number.

He loved that number, and I killed it.

He just couldn’t let it go.

So I kicked him.

Silly carebear, miners can’t be gankers.

However, where is he today?

At first glance, you might think he hates me.

Actually, he is in love.

I’m the most powerful woman in EvE Online.

I’m even the star of my own DALL-E storyboard.

Nice!

Zaenis Visits Aakari

Zaenis Desef recently visited Aakari.

James 315 was nowhere to be found, so Zaenis bumped alone.

Well, almost alone.

Miner blzura was content in Highsec.

He immediately understood what was happening.

This was a bumping.

Can you guess what happened next?

Scroll down to learn what happened next!

blzura decided to teach Zaenis a lesson.

The bully was about to get bullied.

The miners were truly content.

This was about to get serious.

It started with a yellow box…

…and escalated to vapid threats.

The miners were not happy.

They thought Zaenis was a criminal.

They were surprised to learn that they are the criminals!

Some people can’t handle the truth.

tRIgGer3D!1

You might think Zaenis was bullying new players.

You would be wrong about that.

These were just typical Highsec miners.

As the bumping continued, blzura became increasingly distraught.

He just wanted to understand why he was being bumped.

There’s a reason CCP moderates the mining channel.

This is the reality of mining in EvE Online.

#Zaenistoo.

Some people just don’t get it.

This is a war.

We are going to kill the miners.

We have to put them out of their misery.

It’s the right thing to do.

This is the game.

We are going to win.

That’s the law!

Carebears will never win.

This is a High Security Zone (HSZ).

We have the best web page on the Innerwebs…

…and we own Highsec!

Chat, let’s go!

Antiganking with Aiko

Even the best antigankers strive to perfect their craft.

Recently, I decided to level up.

I just won’t fight ships that can shoot back.

Tama is a safe space for my friends.

You are on Team Aiko, or you are trash.

Even big dog streamers are watching me.

There’s nothing else they can do.

Here’s a funny thought.

I literally have no balls, at all — in real life!

Where’s Kalvin?

In ye olden times of yore, the Minerbumping channel was a place where good agents were summarily banned for trivial reasons, with no judicial recourse (other than praying to a dead guy, who quit undocking a decade ago). This happened, for example, when Salah felt Jerry Rin and karma balancer were being disrespectful.

From: Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri
Sent: 2018.02.12 09:33
To: [redacted] 

Hi friends,

I’m writing this little essay here because… issues with certain people, like karma balancer, who has an existential grudge against me for no apparent reason. I even have a recording of him calling me a piece of shit on Teamspeak and saying that all Russians must be bombed… As for mod rights, I’m all for redistributing them, but there has to be a set of guidelines…

Praise James!

Likewise, when Lewak became jealous of Aiko Danuja. Or when Super Perforator came down with a bad case of terminal autisms. It’s the sort of stuff that James 315 never wrote about, because he never knew about it.

Fortunately, the modern Why Was I Ganked? channel is a bastion of due process. We finally managed to redistribute the mod rights, by creating a new channel, and a new alliance, with new guidelines for a new New Order.

Woah there, Iceminer, let me just stop you right there.

Pay rent, on time each month, or get out of Highsec.

Do you want to wind up like Mick Barmata?

My fees are very reasonable!

Anyways… Miners have legal rights, under the auspices of the CODE. and your lawful High Queen Regent dispenses sweet justice according to her regal whim, whenever and however the Heroin decides. That’s only fair, right?

Recently, Kalvin Rothchild summoned his antiganking alt.

Kalvin paid 100 million to be unbanned, only to be rebanned!

It is my pleasure to clarify why Kalvin is rebanned.

Recently, a mysterious CODE.-Safety. taskforce went All-Out, apprehending Kalvin’s mining alt. I found this to be most pleasurable.

Kalvin’s Princess Aiko barbie doll promptly began crying.

This went on for quite some time.

On and on…

The logs are voluminous.

Kalvin, I’m gonna need another 100 million isk.

You done wrong, and I like money.

What Happened?

Why, hello there, dear reader.

Once upon a time, the CODE. alliance was a mighty alliance.

One day, James 315 docked up, AFK forever.

The final challenge to his legacy was posed by gankbear roleplayers, who tried to convince everyone to leave the alliance. They called themselves CODE BLUE, and they rallied around has beens, never weres, and never will bees. Their leader is a nobody, who helped place more than a dozen killmails on the CODE. killboard, before quitting and vowing to never rejoin (because this would interfere with his Mussolini inspired plan, to establish a miner axis centered upon Dodixie Poinen).

[ 2017.03.24 21:55:30 ]
Hrothgar Nilsson > my great-grandfather is pure italian ancestry. Benito was his name.

Chemical brother > A lot of people in italy love Benito
Hrothgar Nilsson > Yes, because when there is a crisis, people often look to dictators to provide all the solutions. The New Order is people power, united behind the vision of James 315. James 315 is doing what Mussolini should have done.
Chemical brother > Italian history is very complicated…
Hrothgar Nilsson > The world needs to pay more attention to the history of Italy. Italy has been misjudged, misperceived, and had its character assassinated… So, I say, Viva Italia, and Via James 315 and the New Order!
Alt 00 > Kill: Lexxos (Mackinaw)

Hey retard, James 315 doesn’t like incel Wehraboo fascisti!

When Hrothgar heard James was retiring, he didn’t wait 48 hours. The rest of us were trying to keep the alliance running, and planning a nice funeral, but Hrothgar instantly created his own rival alliance. When the New Order was at its weakest and most vulnerable, Hrothgarlini tried to split the community. The shameless copycat even plagiarized the ticker JAMES. Some of us cared about the New Order, and we were disgusted. I offered Hrothgar ONE BILLION isk, if he would disband his fraudulent alliance, and rejoin the CODE. George went further, offering TEN BILLION isk. Hrothgar refused!

Like most gankbears, he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Nowadays, he only speaks through a beta orbiter.

“I’m loyal to James Hrothtard, GRRR CODE.” members include the guy who conspired to ban the entire CODE. alliance from the minerbumping channel (and then quit, only to return, and then quit again, and then return, and then quit again), and the guy who sent hundreds of agents to eternal damnation.

If he were still alive, James would be alarmed to know these desperate traders have united. Meanwhile, they have all begun crawling inside the ruins, after abandoning the CODE. years ago. Back in the day, some of them declared war on James, but now they sleep with his corpse! What are they doing? Actual avowed antigankers, living inside the tomb, and furiously masturbating perverting his legacy.

Ward vowed to destroy me, and James 315.

Imagine, antigankers hiding inside the CODE. alliance.

When James died, he knew they would try this. Therefore, he sent a psychic message to the oracle, Talas Dir, who left a sign for all time. The prophecy of Talas proves that Aiko Danuja was chosen by the Gods. Exactly one month before the Jamespocalypse, Talas foretold that James would vanish, and be replaced by Aiko.

James always understood the importance of clear, concise, communication.

In May 2020, only a dozen people knew that James intended to retire, abdicating to his unemployed kickboxing ex-girlfriend.

Salty boomers who weren’t even in the CODE. alliance, can probably understand that they were never part of the inner circle, and that is probably why James didn’t bother to tell them about his plans for the future.

It is Aiko, whom destiny favours, as the greatest ganker in galactic history.

It is Aiko, whom James recognized, as championettess of Halaima.

All Glory to the Ice BWitchPrincess!

 

The Battle for Aikoux

Julian Snelders loves Facebook.

He also loves poorly formatted screenshots.

I finally figured out what he is yapping about.

These miners are crying…

…in real-life, with their real names.

Facebook is a real salt mine.

Is it true? Does Barnes only kill defenceless ships?

In fact, he hunts combat cruisers, with a smaller destroyer. He does it in Highsec, where he must win within seconds, because his ship will be automatically destroyed by NPCs. He does it alone, and he is victorious. That’s elite PvP.

However, miners are obsessed with isk/hr calculations.

Kristian threw down the gauntlet. Could Highsec gankers survive, without CONCORD protection? What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

To be continued…

Miners of Misneden, Part 2

Previously, in Aiko Danuja Space, Emille Droffer refused to pay rent.

Alt 00 decided to investigate the local community.

One miner won a free spelling lesson.

However, they did not seem to understand.

Alt found them insufferable.

An example was made of ‘not a miner’ Nelforce.

He is a liar and a criminal.

Furthermore, he is dumber than Alt anticipated.

Nelforce was clearly unwell.

Who would keep him safe?

To be continued…