EvE Online Mining Tutorial

Charles Stevens Jr was enjoying the Highsec mining tutorial.

One day, he learned how to eject from his space Orca.

So he tipped his volunteer tutor.

PLOT TWIST: Charles is a minor miner.

Arabella was not an effective guardian.

Fortunately, Krig is a man of his word.

Meanwhile, the plot thickened.

Arabella also wanted to double up.

We love to help.

Eventually, the Stevens family calmed down.

Another successful training op.

AIKO Buyback now available at home!

TamiyaCowboy

TamiyaCowboy brought a terrible crime to my attention. As you know, Tamiya is a veteran streamer. Over the course of a legendary seventeen year career, with seventy thousand hours of combat experience, Tamiya has dunked more than one hundred vessels. Unfortunately, his inspirational story reached a disturbing finale.

Our whiteknight champion was brought down, by an “instalocking hacker multiscript kiddy stream sniper.” Supposedly, I am responsible, because this “f****** b****” is a member of my alliance. However, I am not the dean of SAK, and have never met Caldari Citizen. Nevertheless, as Tamiya informed me, 2119440471 is a brainwave controlled minion of the notorious cyberbully, Adrian Vexier.

Miners dread this vexatious capsuleer, but Adrian is also not a member of my alliance. In fact, he is in another alliance.

Regardless, Tamiya described a brutal beating…

I began to suspect Tamiya was exaggerating, falsely portraying himself as an innocent victim.

As Tamiya explained, he was also bullied by lead developer Ergroth DeBruges (once again, not in my alliance).

However, contradicting this claim, Tamiya’s own viewers felt that Ergroth’s newbie Tristan posed no threat.

According to Tamiya, Adrian stalked him, trespassing upon Tamiya’s private public Twitch stream. In fact, Tamiya invited Adrian to the party! It is unreasonable to claim Adrian invaded the stream, when Tamiya repeatedly and personally invited Adrian Ergroth, whom Tamiya believed to be a “f****** total newbie.”

Meanwhile, viewers observed that the alleged “stream sniper” didn’t even want to join Twitch.

Subsequently, Tamiya began to trash talk the “f****** newbie in a piece of f****** s*** ship.” Tamiya called him a “broke a** b***** r*****” and vowed to “f****** r*** and literally f****** kill and literally f****** r*** to little bits.” Yes, our innocent streamer vowed to “literally rape” and “literally kill” Ergroth. That’s a verifiable fact.

They wanted to provoke an emotional reaction.

Within Tamiya’s toxic chat, virtue signalling carebears frequently violate the EULA of both Twitch and EvE Online.

As a journalist, I am an advocate of free speech. I don’t think bad language is that bad, because I grew up in the hard towers of a palatial estate. However, some people conspire to portray PvP players as griefers, whilst themselves engaging in griefplay. I don’t mind the inappropriate language, but I object to blatant hypocrisy.

Tamiya’s viewers wanted him to PvP a “newbie”, and plotted to “r***” Ergroth. Therefore, Tamiya invited Ergroth to Twitch, for the purpose of extracting newbie salt and tears.

Tamiya wasn’t trying to get away from Ergroth. Instead, he encouraged Ergroth to follow. Tamiya literally said, “Let’s see if I can bait him. I want him to follow me.”

Only turbominer Lucas wanted a boring PvE stream.

A career forum troll, Lucas has been ranting for fifteen years, in an endless crusade against video game PvP.

Why is Lucas so mad?

He just wants to mine in easy mode…

Therefore, Lucas hopes to remove PvP.

Tamiya tried to include Lucas (who was afraid of Ergroth).

Everyone else was ready to fight!

Meanwhile, Tamiya invited people to Twitch, including the person he intended to bait. Is it reasonable to accuse someone of stream sniping, when you invite them to your stream?

Wasn’t Tamiya asking for it?

PLOT TWIST: With an instalocking script, and smartbombs, Caldari Citizen wallhacked his way to victory!

As I watched this unfold, I realized Tamiya is a poor sport, salty after losing a fight he intended to win. He tried to bait a newbie, and got mad because they won. As a veteran player, he should know better. You don’t need to stream snipe, to find a pod on the Jita gate!

After his humiliating defeat, Tamiya switched to Elite Dangerous, a game where carebears pretend to be space pirates. Ironically, even this game warned Tamiya to be more careful.

Oh no, simulated tunnel snakes!

Tamiya failed again.

Without further ado, Tamiya’s vulgar stream is linked below, where you can hear him for yourself.

It’s obvious what happened.

Tamiya wanted to fight a new player, and lost. Subsequently, he made a false accusation, pretending to be the victim of someone he tried to bait, “We could just report him for being a f****** griefer… just to really rub some salt…” Meanwhile, he gloated about preferential treatment “because I’m a f****** streamer.”

What an angry bear.

He even said CCP devs are “literally f****** little b**** girls”.

That’s just sexist!

*****

POSTSCRIPT: Upon viewing this blog, at least one of Tamiya’s viewers has understood my point. Tamiya’s chat was full of people laughing at Ergroth, and trying to provoke a fight.

Tami still claims to be innocent.

Barnso Strikes Back

Previously, we met Barnso.

Unfortunately, Barnso did not fly safe.

What happened?

At least he likes me.

Barnso applied for SRP.

Barnso was excited to win 6.21 billion isk.

So he sent me a portion of his prize money.

He also tipped Sargon.

What a nice guy!

Cheers!

=BONUS ROUND=

Molly continues to bump the Miner Hunting Service.

I love my space job!

lorrenzo nub’s REVENGE

lorrenzo nub, Part 1

Previously, we met miner lorrenzo.

He owed me money.

We settled on a compromise.

He would pay me to stop posting about him.

A fair bargain!

I was excited to show my TRUE nature.

I filled lorrenzo with that PvP spirit.

Don’t listen to the whiners.

Ganking is fun!

lorrenzo finally understands how to play EvE Online.

A happy ending!

Seek Help

Play EvE Online responsibly.

Experienced agents are standing by.

We want to help you.

However, this is just a game.

Help is available.

I’d recommend Broadcast for Reps, but the last thing you need is ‘help’ from whiteknight carebear virtue signalers.

You are not a victim. You are an addict.

Seek help, in real life.

Listen to me very carefully.

Personal responsibility starts with YOU.

Empower yourself.

I recommend therapy.

Seriously.

Ya know?

lorrenzo nub

Newbro lorrenzo identified as a STeeLGamer.

However, one gank pushed him over the edge.

The man of STeeL became a pillar of salt.

lorrenzo nub > fuck off assholes this is my first day back
lorrenzo nub > 10 years away and your fucking assholes
1 Of Several > calm down, miner
lorrenzo nub > your botting and now reported

Like most miners, lorrenzo is an innocent angel, who needs a safe space in Highsec (so he can enjoy AFK mining).

lorrenzo nub > fuck you , cant you dickheads just leave ppl alon you cunts cant just leave me alone , already having a bad enough time irl cunts like you take my only peace and fuck it up
lorrenzo nub > your just a asshole who probably cant get laid in real life and has you mom hold a poop bucket under them so you dont have to get up from this game no life loser who can only get back at real life on a game
lorrenzo nub > did your daddy beat you and thats why you have to lash out but ofc your to big of a loser to go to null sec to much of a pussy to go fight actual ppl , instead just gate camp high sec did your mom not love you , or hug you ?or did she just leave you as a baby?

lorrenzo nub > big little girl you are did you want the number of a good counceler ? your dad made good use of you ?or was it your brother ?
lorrenzo nub > your the one crying than have to come on here and think your tough , like your dad when he beat you as child feel better now you killed a defenceless players ship
lorrenzo nub > cant hack it in null fighting ppl who can fight back did you get bullied at school too ? you going to go cry into your pillow when you log off ?

Was lorrenzo upset?

lorrenzo nub > no more upset than you where when your moms boyfriend beat you im not the one who feels good about sitting in high sec praying on defencless ppl and cant even one on one ppl , hell i bet my ship could of took you out one on one

Eventually, the conversation ended.

1 Of Several > Go complain in other chats!
lorrenzo nub > your alliance will be disolved in 45 days

lorrenzo began crying in other chats.

Sargon encouraged him to try an easier game.

Instead, lorrenzo vowed revenge.

His next step was to whine in Rookie Help.

Alas, CCP griefed him mercilessly.

Next, he hired a shadow to follow Sargon.

Sargon soon ditched the incompetent spy.

Cheers!

Nein, Not Mine

Badboy0047 was up to no good.

Pandemic Legion went on high alert!

It’s not griefing, when it happens in lowsec. Right?

At this point, the miner invaded Highsec.

Returning to lowsec, he encountered more criminal fagets.

Where were the antigankers???

Eventually, Janine introduced herself.

PLOT TWIST: Badboy is a famous Twitch streamer!

The miners were ashamed, defeated by a girl’s Kooperation.

They threatened to quit the game.

Badboy is just an innocent neuling!

Why is everyone robbing his playfun?

The Miners of Misneden, Part 5

The Miners of Misneden, Part 1

Previously, the miners of Misneden began to rebel.

They vowed to burn Princess Aiko alive.

The carebears had many grievances.

They denounced the sacred laws of Highsec.

Alt 00 knows how to deal with rebellion.

All miners must die.

However, gobloks tried to defend the sleepy whales.

They were doomed to eternal failure.

In EvE Online, some people are really stupid.

Alt was determined to teach them a lesson.

Misneden must burn.

To be continued…