Category: Agents

Christmas Deathwish

Listening to: Precious

EvE Online has some interesting characters.

Sometimes they go too far.

This is the story of Longtooth the Miner.

Hey there.

Normally, carebears use a Vexor.

He found me attractive.

Never trust a man who mines in Highsec.

He actually was a new player.

Barely eighteen years old…

Just another antisocial sociopathic CEO in EvE Online.

We soon learned a shocking truth…

This guy is a total pleb.

Just then, Good Girl Kara tried to stick up for me.

Oof!

Just a typical Highsec miner.

At least he’s not mad.

He’s just… not well in the head.

What a guy.

Cheerzah!

Slow Boil

I’m a real Highsec escort.

That’s right.

Recently, miner Nigel ran into trouble.

He’s just a 2015 newbro.

So I agreed to assist.

I love to help the little guys.

Apparently, the mining pacifists lost a control tower?

No money? No problem!

Just send me your stuff.

It was his idea!

I’m glad we came to an agreement.

Cheerzah brav!

He just needs to pay.

That’s right.

There was just one problem.

I’ve done this before.

It works well.

I call it the 30 40 70 rule.

It works like a charm.

Later that day…

I change people’s lives!

There’s a life lesson here.

=FOLLOW UP=

SRP Claim #513-PA

Aiden Vail is a mining man.

Unfortunately, he fell behind on rent.

Consequently, he needs a new ship.

Fortunately, it was Black Friday!

He was a real ice aspirant.

Cool story bro!

Another 2007 newbro.

I naturally established an empathetic rapport.

This is a useful ability.

“The target must succeed on a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw or be charmed. The charmed target regards the vampire as a trusted friend, and is a willing target.”

“Harlots can be both brazen strumpets and haughty courtesans. In addition to the usual fare, the harlot is 15% likely to make something up, and 20% likely to be a thief.

Trust is the basis of every relationship.

Another satisfied customer.

I’m such a good soul.

That’s right.

PRO TIP: Jita has several unique stations!

Somehow, he discovered the blog.

I love to help.

He’s trying to scam me!

I’ve been here before.

It’s just basic math.

Vail asked his new friend for advice.

That’s right.

I explained everything.

That’s the best minigame in EvE Online.

Sad ending…

Life is full of new experiences.

Cheerzah!

Novus Plebbo

Listening to: CASTOLE RADIO

It’s no secret.

We were in CODE, and they weren’t.

They were are mad at James 315.

I call them gankbears.

After James died, it was time to take out the trash.

So we got rid of Hrothgar Nilsson.

However, he made his own alliance, pretending to be us.

Like, for real bro.

James called them ‘former fans’.

[ 2017.03.24 22:58:46 ]
Hrothgar Nilsson > i’m about to go mining.
Hrothgar Nilsson > undocking in my mining ship. gank away.
Hrothgar Nilsson > these are not competing professions
Hrothgar Nilsson > the whole is greater than the sum of its part. Null-sec F1 monkey + agent, or miner + agent, or station trader + agent….. you get better at both by being both
Hrothgar Nilsson > i have successfully baited half a dozen concordokkens

Hrothgar runs a mining alliance.

Sad, but true.

Weird, but true.

So I accepted his challenge.

Doctor Zarkov > i made billions that is just a minoe drawback

AFK carebears aren’t real gankers.

They use their character bio as a blog?

xD

Gankbears just grind for isk.

I PvP for fun.

He didn’t want that pod anyways!

Here’s another Plebbo scout.

GF!

That’s right.

That’s right!

Venture Standings – NOVEMBER

It’s that time of year.

We are here to help.

Without further ado, the November rankings…

As we head into December, CASTOLE generously motivates the other contestants, by adding an additional 25 billion isk to the PRIZE FUND. Wow, thank you CASTOLE! Remember, December is the month of kill doubling, so earn your BONUS points fast with that holiday spirit! It’s not too late to bounce back to the highest levels imaginable. This is your chance to become a TOP TIER elite Venture destroyer! Of course, if you can’t gank a Venture yourself, feel free to send isk to those who can!!

That’s right!

That’s right!

The Miner and the Old Lady

Hey there.

From to time, miners accuse gankers of being the kind of person who beats up old ladies. Imagine our surprise, when miner Exterminance admitted he is exactly that kind of person.

Exterminance > guess i’ll get charged wit “mining without a permit.”
CorrinoGiovanni > sounds like you had a run in with the law
Exterminance > actually i did ….7 yrs ago….felony assault

What a miner.

Exterminance > then spent a year of my life under indictment
CorrinoGiovanni > what happened?
Exterminance > broad day light across the street from the courthouse i was driving, i needed to park and visit the courthouse
Exterminance > i started to pull in nd there was some old woman standing in th eparking space ‘please, ma’am, would you move/ i need to park my car.”
Exterminance > and she said, ‘I’m waitin’ fo’ my nephew’
Exterminance > and my anger went from zero to the red zone…
Ryek Arkinoz > what? you have issues mate

It’s one of those stories.

Exterminance > i had recently been on strong psychiatric meds
Ryek Arkinoz > ^ i predicted this
Exterminance > one of the side efrects is PSUCHOTIC EPISODE
Aiko Danuja > Exterminance are you quite well?
Exterminance > so i got out and got in her face
Exterminance > and went crazt…
Exterminance > people were coming over, telling me to calm down
Ryek Arkinoz > “calm down miner” they said

He assaulted an old lady, in front of the courthouse.

Exterminance > right across the street from the courthouse, so cops everywhere so inded up in handcuss, in the county jail
Exterminance > and since no one knows who i am IRL i might as well tell i took her walker and helped her to the curb lol
Janine Frost > You seem to be proud of your old-lady-hitting episode.

What a guy.

…and that’s the news from Highsec!

At least he’s a fan.

That’s right.











FRUSTRATION

Oh boy…

Let’s check it out!

Nullsec is the home of fair honorable PvP?

That’s right.

TLDR: Crybaby wants to roleplay, but is a bad.

Boohoohoo.

This pirate game has too many pirates!

Grrrhathathat.

This guy just needs a permit.

Mining permits are more popular than ever!

<=COMMUNITY RESPONSE=>

That’s right.

That’s right!

Everybody knows PvP is for antisocial psychopathics.

Nobody likes a time bandit!

Woah, this is no joke…

I’m an IRL cyberterrorist.

<=CAREBEAR ZONE=>

<=FINAL ANALYSIS=>