Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
PAPI had a rough night.
Meanwhile, Aikowatchers noticed something unusual.
Opportunity knocked, and Kelgoroth seized the opportunity of a lifetime.
He thanked everyone who helped achieve his goal.
Miners will do anything for me.
I’ve got perky social skills.
When you fleet with Aiko, magic happens.
What could possibly go wrong?
I even won a free Paladin!
Don’t be shy!
CCP might ban me, but they’ll never ban the memories.
Every carebear knows that gankers enjoy griefer roleplay harassment. However, today we will consider another side of the story. Believe it or not, but some miners enjoy the attention.
When Tannia Voxx lost her Golem, she understood that it is important to purchase a mining permit.
As an AFK miner, Tannia was proud to purchase an AFK permit.
Alas, Tannia died again.
You might expect that she would be upset.
Fortunately, I did not ignore her emotional distress.
Like many miners, she enjoyed a prolonged cry.
Contrary to popular belief, miners are not griefed in the Why Was I Ganked? channel. Instead, they study space law.
Tannia had a lot of paranoid concerns.
Ultimately, she purchased a non AFK permit.
Tannia is ready to mine in style!
Yes, some people actually enjoy spending their money on ships that get blown up in a video game. They enjoy getting invited to an ingame channel, where they are told to calm down and send isk.
I love to help the little miners.
Her new corporation is happy to meet her.
As I continue to defend myself against the spurious allegation that I deliberately and intentionally invited miners to a channel, entitled Why Was I Ganked?, wherein I conspired with evil aforesight to tell such said miners to “calm down” all for the nefarious purpose of provoking an emotional reaction…
The truth is that I am innocent of ill intent.
A carebear might assume that I am a griefer, and that I am killing miners to prevent them from enjoying a free to play video game, harassing them both in game and in real life, all for the sole purpose of feeling better about the fact that I am a crazy cat spinster who still lives in my mother’s attic. However, there is a much deeper purpose which shows that I am truly engaged in EvE Online as a good CCP-fearing woman.
Yes, this blog was created to demonstrate before CCP, the community, impartial third-party observers, and the space UN that miners are not crying due to my inappropriate behaviour. In fact, as the evidence shows, miners are bad at a video game, and they are throwing grandiose temper tantrums to scam and deceive the Icelandic gods.
Furthermore, I am running a serious space business.
Last year, A bancy7 bought multiple lifetime mining permits.
Recently, I renegotiated our contract.
This isn’t griefing.
This is law and order.
Bancy needs a mixed doctrine permit.
Just read the original Code of new New Halaima.
You can’t mix Golems and Rattlesnakes, without a mixed permit!
I’m here to help.
What’s next? Retrievers and Covetors?
The last few months years have been a whirlwind.
I still remember when Raven x1 threatened to gangrape murder me. Subsequently, I learned that Kalvaen Voidwalker shot himself. Eventually, I also learned that Kalvaen was pretending. Meanwhile, I received emails encouraging me to cut my wrists and shoot myself. There was even a nice old man who suggested I light myself on fire. Finally, CCP concluded that I am harassing these poor innocents.
Searching for context, I reviewed the list of approved player character names. These include Dickbag McDickSucker, faglord faggerson, NaziMiner, Definiatel Racist Racist, Molesterman69 Rapeface, Jewed Auschwitz, Kill Yourself SrslyDoItNow, Ana-Lee Raped, pedofile pedobear, and niggniggniggniggniggnigg NiggNiggNigg. How can a modern corporation not be concerned about this? What did I do wrong, that was so terrible, which makes me the concern?
I tried to discuss this on an EvE Discord, which I thought was filled with reasonable adults. Unfortunately, these were just your typical carebears. They weren’t in the least bit concerned that EvE Online has a character called adolf-stalin-nigg3r jew-nigg3r. Nor were they concerned about IRL death threats.
The real concern, is that I tell miners to “Calm down.”
I find that argument utterly absurd.
Imagine playing Monopoly, and another player has a temper tantrum. You might say, “Calm down, shoe (or dog, or top hat, or car, or thimble). It’s just a game!” However, what if they flip over the board, ranting about how they are gonna cut you up, and send you to hell. As shocking as that might be, now imagine that you try to talk to someone about this, and they state, “Well, you did build a hotel on Boardwalk, and made the choice to charge rent. You clearly provoked this.”
I wonder if CCP will ban me, over an exaggerated complaint.
I question why I play EvE, and whether I should continue.
I suppose the only thing to do is continue ganking miners, and urging them to calm down. I don’t want them to murder me, but I also don’t like mining.
If I shoot them all, they might finally understand.
AFK is not safe.
Few miners are honest.
Most miners are not.
Many miners are confused.
Others enjoy humour.
These miners are bros.
Some miners pretend.
They are playing a game.
Miners mine to mine.
Many miners are Russian.
Some miners are yelling.
Others are questioning.
Are miners philosophical?
Some miners are playful.
They want to have fun.
All miner are liars.
All miners are bots.
All miners must die.
GalactusGalactuss recently got in trouble for inappropriate language.
I don’t know what he said, but I bet it wasn’t that bad.
Previously, I discussed CCP’s haphazard enforcement of policies. Unfortunately, biased gamemasters do not enforce the rules fairly. Miners are often allowed to make IRL death threats, but gankers are sanctioned for saying “Calm down.”
Consequently, when crybaby Nick Steele lost his autopiloting spaceship, he knew exactly what to do. He whined to CCP, and reported the space bullies who harassed him. Naturally, CCP bought him a new Bhaalgorn.
Yes, Nick was the victim of my “ongoing” harassment.
If you want your ship replaced, you just need one email from me.
If you pay me, I will contact you, so CCP gives you free stuff.
Meanwhile, here are actual characters that CCP doesn’t threaten to ban.
Aiko Danuja Urine has an acceptable biography.
CCP takes allegations of harassment VERY seriously.
The GM team ensures EvE Online is a safe space!
We need to respect miners like I rapekids kids.
Gankers are not allowed to grief ChinkNigga and Chinkihate.
I was threatened with a permaban, for referring to an Autistic Retard.
CCP policies are enforced fairly for all players!
CCP doesn’t allow toxic language in this game.
As a Highsec ganker, I must always be on my best behaviour.
CCP holds me to a higher standard.
Calm down miner = griefer harassment roleplay.
Dumb N*ggggggggg*rrrrrrrrrrr = approved roleplay?
Sometimes, I wonder what CCP employees do all day.
One thing is for sure.
CCP employees should stop investigating me.
Just ban me, so I don’t upset valued customers.
Ya know?
It’s a great game, with great people!
Here’s your daily fs.
If you are a preteen princess from the 90s, then you love Neopets.
Neopets are like furries, but for children.
I wonder how that upgrade went?
With their identities stolen, escaped neopets fled to outer space.
You can hang out with 36.5 billion baseliner civilian catgirls!
Unfortunately, they don’t like Highsec gankers.
The Neopian Federation is a carebear consortium.
Ajna was weak, but she wanted to be strong.
She did some research, and realized I only have 3 friends.
I guess numbers are important after all?
So she started bullying me.
This was one uppity miner.
James 315 was always afraid of duels, always!
Fortunately, I’m actually capable of undocking.
We met at the sun, where it is always high noon.
An HONORIBEL 1v1 duel.
Miners are often upset.
They don’t want to clam down.
They want us dead.
They also want to get rich, quick.
So kill them, before they get paid for someone else to kill you.
It’s not hard to do.
Just gank them, and offer a gf in local.
Good fight!
Stupid miners.
