Absolute Failures

The First Battle of Torrinos

The Second Battle of Torrinos began in Uchomida.

A Klingon yellowboxed us without provocation.

Things went too far.

Whups.

What an absolute failure.

Just wait until tomorrow.

Oh, it’s gonna go very well.

The target moved to Torrinos.

Wow, just wow.

To be continued…

Absolute Racism

Listening to: AO Downfall

Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online

Hey there.

We’ve all heard the rumors.

Absolute Order is absolutely racist.

These are real screenshots from EvE Online.

Oh wow, ok.

See what I mean?

We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.

They cannot be reasoned with.

It’s not just the racism.

Absolute Order is absolutely mental.

We know how to deal with this.

Just bump them all.

Governor Lee done goofed.

Consequences will never be the same.

We’ve met before.

Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?

That’s right.

We go way back.

Wayback.

What will MrLee think of next?

Good Girl Bot Killers

That’s right.

Good Girl Kara > Kill: Uedashin Unata Eto (Worm) reporting them does nothing
Vardonis > Good Girl Kara what did you report for?
Good Girl Kara > botting
Vardonis > abyss botting?
Good Girl Kara > yep
Good Girl Kara > Kill: Onaneri Irai Hinken (Worm) another one

My alliance provides a community service.

Twenty eight Worms down.

35 bots permabanned (or given a slap on the wrist as usual).

Does CCP care about bots?

=DOUBLE FEATURE=

Are mining permits real?

With his new permit, Nick was celebrating in local.

This caught the attention of fellow newbro Vyacheslav.

I call that real content, with real permits.

Good Morning

Listening to: Wierdo Minmatar Trash

Hey there!

Miners are crazy.

Check out Huan’s wierdo miner fantasy!

He spent hours and hours (days and weeks) on this…

Antigankers are looooooooosers.

I guess this one is counting to revenge?

Even a lowskill knows miners are bad.

Bro, what’s a lowsec?

I’m high as a kite.

What are you on?


For the Newbros

Listening to: You Got Ganked

As part of his postgank art therapy, MarkeeDragon commissioned a song to commemorate his grief.

…and now, our feature presentation…

Hey there.

On Reddit, crabs conspire.

This carebear wants to expand Highsec.

How did the lowsec community respond?

Next up, another carebear loser.

Crybabies just want easy AFK isk.

Everybody hates Safety.

Garr gaunkers gunk.

Why can’t miners AFK in peace?

Think about the newbro Hulks!

Reeeeeee, why can’t new players boomervets get free easy isk?

Where did all the miners go??

I guess they all left… right?

Some people don’t even know what they are crying about!

Ganking should be theoretically allowed, but practically impossible.

Imagine a sandbox with walls and guardrails.

Let’s get rid of those evil meanies!

The tears never stop.

Yep, another 2004 returning crybaby.

Are there any new players at all?

Oh look, another 2008 returning crybaby.

Hey, check out the 2012 returning newbro!

Question: Is whining about ganking a nullsec recruitment tactic?

I’m sensing a consensus.

One guy had a whole story…

Is this whinefest a Snuffed Out advertisement?

Hey, a 2014 returning crybaby has a theory.

What do you think?

Cheerzah!

=FINAL WORDS=

<=BONUS SALT=>

=PvP PLAYER RESPONSE=

That’s right.

Suck It

Miners love the attention.

DillonEllett > imma keep drinkin and just say i know the life yea lol , and your the osmon boss
DillonEllett > sup im about that life lol what stops you from the med fish i see your kb ,miners yes easy fish “big” kill them all afk or bot / why do you not kill the l4 – i get it if you save/alt your shit ,fun times right , so if not AND IF THIS IS YOUR MAIN FUN , im just lookin to be you know a spy , this is what i do when my boys are off so your here always im around maybe i fit passive and scan fits and you know they sit still ?
DillonEllett > hello?
DillonEllett > you put me on hold fker lol
DillonEllett > 15 mins i rl stuff i do have a lady and kid but i got that then down the street for drink brb sorry
Aiko Danuja > haha have a drink on me

That’s why they never shut up.

Welcome to EvE Online.

This is not a paid advertisement.

It’s not an easy game.

It feels good to bully Highsec miners.

It’s a lot of fun.

I find it amusing.

I’ve even met some interesting men.

Cheerzah brav.

End of an Era, Part 17

End of an Era, Part 16

It was a rainy day in Incursion Town.

The roads were infested with rats.

Editor’s Note: The original design of incursions, developed by developers who no longer develop the game, was for players to race through a maze of tunnels filled with scary space monsters… whoever made it first, could fight the BIG BOSS MOTHERSHIP for isk and glory.

In 2024, Wrathful Hawk decisively won the game.

Outwitting the carebears, he went straight through lowsec.

Along the way, Hawk met a few friends.

These boys took their entire bling fleet through Vecamia.

It’s a shortcut.

This is was some real content, in EvE Online.

Sun Tzu said the greatest warriors evade battle altogether.

That was EvE Online in its finest hour.

What happened next?

Highsec carebears failed again.

This was the typical cry and whine.

Hawk simply outplayed the plebs.

To be continued…

Missing Freighter

We have fun in Highsec.

Check out this trick.

Where’d the freighter go?

Two day newbro MEMO2556 was mystified.

Princess Aiko investigates…

In EvE Online, all losses are temporary.

I’m happy to help.

He paid.

What’s next?

Time to beg.

Another registered inmate.

Indeed.

Teamwork makes the dreamwork.

Everything hung in the balance.

Real-life discord roles were at stake.

One friendship was over forever.

MEMO’s friend scammed him to haul through Uedama.

Oh my…

Poor little fellow.

He’s out of luck.

=BEHIND THE SCENES=

We all know how that turned out.

Maybe his pro friend will help him tommorrow?

Good luck little guy.

A few hours later…

Cheerzah brav!

Father’s Day

Tee Ka Gets Pkd, Part 1

Previously, Tee Ka tried Highsec PvP.

He lost a lot.

Tee Ka knows I am honest and true.

He’s like a father to me.

We often spend holidays together.

We are there for each other.

For Father’s Day, I played EvE Online with Daddy.

He doesn’t fit his ships very well.

He didn’t appreciate the surprise party.

I don’t even have a blob!!

We had a real heart to heart.

Tee Ka wants to get rich poor quick.

I invited him ganking.

That sounds fun!

His alts are excited to join.

To be continued…