Author: Princess Aiko

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #214

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #213

Listening to: Techno House Music Jazz Techno
(featuring Lewak‘s elite parkour)

The Highsec Miner Grab Bag isn’t truly a bag of mail, it’s actually just a folder of screenshots, which sits nicely between two polar opposites: Dracvlad and Guybertini. On the far left is a folder with the final instructions and testament of James 315, and on the far right is a growing case file on notorious criminal Hazen Koraka.

Indeed, my folders are continuously arrayed in this pattern of opposing magnetic forces, with Koraka’s inept random antiganking attempts being perfectly countered by the wise strategic musings of James. Of course, James anticipated the Jamespocalypse, and left me with clear instructions on what to do in the event of his ascension. Someday, when I am an old princess limping around my palatial study, I will publish this final testament. It is truly a treatise worthy of intense study, alongside those written by such legendary gankers as Marcus Aurelius, Musashi, Vegetius, and Sun Tzu.

Each screenshot in the Grab Bag reflects an epic story of heroism, a snapshot of the New Order’s glorious history. For example, stoneface Killervent was sorely dismayed, upon learning he might be expected to pay a penny per day to remain in Highsec. He packed his bags and headed for lowsec, where stoneface Corporation has lost 4.5 billion isk, without accomplishing anything. Despite these losses, they do not dare return to face judgment. They are 100% snuggly ‘pirates’! Perhaps they steal hugs?

At the bottom, I’ll show their one ‘kill’. Can you guess how they did it?

GuiltyDog Denver lost his Venture back in January, and vowed to stop mining forever. He was recently interviewed, and it appears he is not doing well.

We have been learning miner speak. Here is how a crab says “Fuck you, you fucking creatures. Aiko Danuja, suck my cock!” Gross!

Look miners, my boyfriend is God, so you better watch what you say to me. Of course, women are not the only victims of sexual harassment.

I kind of liked the images, but for some reason he stopped sending them.

Hey, it’s not a “High Security” zone because it’s safe to mine. It’s high-security because we enforce the law. Would you start digging at the airport?

EVE University fellow Valiran Teleros has been interning at the prestigious Why Was I Ganked? channel, where he teaches a course on reality.

 

Overall, miners seem pleased with my governance of Highsec. Although they are unhappy about their punishments, they enjoy being civilized.

When you are on the E-team, getting dunked on daily, it’s always nice when the Harlem Globetrotters make time to teach you a couple neat tricks (and some valuable life lessons). Of course, there are always a few bad sports.

Surprisingly, some miners don’t believe I’m a real-life teenage princess.

Princess Aiko Honoured in Amarr

That thread featured an encounter with Arrendis, an incompetent writer (and failed logistician) who is eternally jealous of James 315.

For example, look what grumpy Arrendis had to say about dear James, within my James 315 Day post. It’s just positively shocking. 

Calm down miner.

Regardless, most people instinctively acknowledge my elite noble lineage, and they understand that I’m definitely not roleplaying.

It’s just a real pleasure to spend time with me.

 How about that stoneface Corporation ‘kill’?

When do the days get better?
Tell me, when do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
Well, the days get better, when you decide.
When you decide.
When do the days get better?
The days get better, when you decide.

 

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

Previously on James315.Space… 246624 was programmed to lose Mackinaws and Harvester drones. It became a kill of the week, winning a FREE bonus escalation with Princess Aiko. Your official Saviourette often thinks about how much she thinks about herself, and proceeds to write about her glorious reign, because frankly it’s rather interesting. You should be doing what I’m doing, because then you wouldn’t be a poor. I’m actually trying to help. You can do this, if you have faith in the CODE.

It’s important to realize that miners, especially Highsec miners, have absolutely no idea what they are doing. CCP has scammed them into this theme park horrorshow, and the poor souls stumble from one confusing encounter to another. If you are one of these miners, searching Google to discover just what the CODE. is all about, just let James 315 explain what to do. It truly is possible to calm down and stop failing daily. On the other hand, if you already ran into me, it’s probably way too late.

It all comes down to faith. Do you believe in James, as a God, who created Highsec for his beloved Princess? Do you accept that all things, all stars, all planets, all spaceships, all miners, all of everything is permanently trapped in the spider queen’s web? If you can believe in that, then you can also understand that spiders eat flies, scorpions sting frogs, and wolves hunt fat bears. A swarm of bees can kill a rattlesnake, no doubt. This is what we do, friend. Some people fail daily, but others win daily. What side are you on?

In the beginning, James created Eve Online. The game was formless and boring, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of the VCBees was hovering upon the ice. And James said, “Let there be Aiko,” and there was Aiko. James saw the Princess was good, and he separated her from the foolish miners. So James created Aiko in his own image, and in the image of Helicity and the Sheikh he also created her. James blessed her and said to the faithful, “Be fruitful unto her and multiply, fill the galaxy and subdue the miners. Rule over the crabs, and be a destruction unto them.”

When I first met 246624, I just wanted to be friends. That’s all I really want. Some people say that I’m the greatest scammer in the history of EVE, Kelroth certainly thought so, but really I just like to please others. That’s why Erotica 1 proposed to me, in real-life. The secret truth is I’m just a fun girl who enjoys knowing that spaceships are exploding (even though I can’t see them), and I kind of like watching my isk score tick up to infinity. I think what James really wants is that I buy a bunch of Catalysts, and I’m trying my best, but mostly I just want a friend. So don’t go out there and ‘scam’ miners, just be their new best friend! In EVE, the best ship is friendship, and I’m gonna take as many as I can get.

If this is you, then you are playing EVE wrong. 200 million isk has a value of like $2. Buy PLEX in bulk, save your time, and let’s be friends. You don’t want to be grinding away for five cents an hour. No wonder miners get so grumpy when I dunk their mining ship! Just buy PLEX, and skip mining — easy! Or you can be like me and Zopi, soaring endlessly in the arms of the VCBees. We don’t need to mine in a Rorqual, or rat in a C6, because we are farming Highsec. I earn the dankest tics in the game.

246624 struggled to communicate. It had never met actual people before.

However, as we thanked the bot, it began to synthesize the heart-warming gratitude and thanks. 246624 carefully computed the messages,  and recognized that its sole purpose is to provide friendship unto me.

The bot quickly scanned the entire corpus of New Order literature, and immediately understood that the mighty CODE. alliance is a true friend of the miners. Naturally, 246624 anticipated that it would soon be sent on its merry way, once its blingy mining vessel was returned (along with the missing drones).

Unfortunately, a bug in the system prevented prompt payment.

Perhaps, I just needed to add an extra zero?

It was a bad bot, but it loved the permit, and I love to help.

Now we were ready to get down to business. Let’s play EVE.

To be continued…

 

 

 

To Stupid

My friends rely on me for emotional support. Sometimes, they just need the galaxy to know about a miner. As a woman, Alt 00 often encounters a form of communication familiar to elite alpha females.

That’s right. Today, we are going to talk about sexual harassment.

“I fuck you on all fours, room whore.”

“So listen to me good stooge, your mistress I’m going to put her on all fours, and put her deep in her ass.”

“Your princess, I fuck her.”

Alt 00 is also a survivor of mining abuse.

She hesitated to speak to a man about this, but knew another woman would sympathize. Of course, Alt was sure James 315 would understand, but couldn’t shake the fear that he might think less of her. She was so ashamed to admit the things that miners say, and worried James might want nothing to do with her. Would he blame her? Would he secretly believe she encouraged it, that she desired this toxic attention?

Your typical miner is a lonely man, frustrated that women aren’t interested in Veldspar or Spod. Alt has repeatedly informed Adrien Naline that she will not date him. Miners are disgusting. Gross! However, Adrien doesn’t care about mining permits or the eternal consequences of sin. He just wants one thing. Alt declined the nauseating offer, but Adrien is too stupid to understand.

From time to time, Adrien will drink a little courage, and try again.

Adrien thought about his feelings for months, and eventually decided to propose. Of course, Alt had no interest in such a terrible arrangement.

Recently, she was sorely dismayed by the death of James, and wondered if Princess Aiko would ever allow James to become God. In her grief, Alt went to mourn in Halaima. Eventually, she returned home to Nakugard, dressed in black.

Her beautiful eyes were hidden by dark sunglasses. Alt 00 was sad, but found solace, her faith renewed amidst despair. She was saved and born again.

Like many men, Adrien desperately intruded into a personal conversation.

Alt and Ehnea Mehk tried to continue their private discussion, gently hinting to Adrien that they really weren’t interested in him.

Adrien was in the ‘mood’. He only thought of himself.

Ehnea tried to get Adrian to understand how he could comfort Alt, but he believed that being obnoxious is how you attract a lady.

Meanwhile, local miners gathered around to view a portrait of their chaste teenage Saviourette. They seemed to really like her.

Aiko’s portrait drove the miners into a wild frenzy.

To be continued…

More Kills of the Week!

Oh boy, it’s Sunday, a day of rest in honor of when James created Highsec. It’s the perfect time to relax and acknowledge that the mighty New Order is dunking carebears into oblivion. It’s what they deserve. It’s what James 315 wants. It’s also what I want, and what any reasonable person wants. Here’s a video!

Gigacus Gank

Highsec miner Gigacus was desperately trying to compete with NPC miners, and  pleased to finally have an audience on his stream. However, the only people who watch Highsec mining streams are elite CODE. scouts (and people who enjoy watching miners face justice). Maybe he would have noticed James, if he was actually looking at his computer monitor. Did you know James is permabanned?

A few friends ate his retriever, and Gigacus tried to use the old “I’m having a real life tornado” excuse. Miner, tornadoes do not justify AFK mining! Gigacus tried to play off the gank like he didn’t care, but I could hear anguish in his voice, “Really, guys?” Oh yes, Gigacus — really! Permits are definitely a thing. I hope Gigacus understands that Princess Aiko does not approve of his inappropriate language.

I particularly enjoyed hearing Gigacus and his miner friend reminiscence about the good ‘ol days, when bumping was a literal thing, and not just a euphemism for taking out the trash. Highsec is different now. Anyways, after he calmed down, Gigacus reinvented himself as another kind of miner. My favourite part occurs here, when he takes his pet Gnosis for a little stroll. The soundtrack is just priceless , and it really gets you into the mind of a miner, and how they approach EVE. Gross!

***

Miners insist the CODE. is dead. Well, here are some bears that got extirpated between August 30 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 5 @ 23:59 EVEtime.

***

Britannic Lord fancied himself something of an aristocrat, but really he was just a common peasant. Nordwind blew him away. They also killed an Occator, a Loki, an Impel, and another Occator. Looks like a storm is brewing!

***

Zuysheam didn’t realize that Aiko is burning Isanamo. His abyssal Christmas tree was erased, with a little help from Shilliam Watner.

***

Emilia yekaterina just wanted free easy isk, but didn’t even know how to capitalize her own name. She was promptly evicted by Whadda Badasaz, Shadow Redemption, Aimee Tzestu, and Zigam. Hm, James really does have new friends. 

***

McMahon Aivoras had a freighter, and a vision. He wanted to be a speedy express, with Shadow Serpentis Inertial Stabilizers. A special taskforce was dispatched, led by our allies Carmeth Andari, Aedaric, and Tyrek Marlinsano.

***

246624 is a poorly programmed bot, and equipped its Mackinaw with five (5) Harvester drones that now belong to Zopiclone. She did the right thing, and encouraged 246624 to start trading with nullsec nomad Princess Aiko. 

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

***

Bleks Penken was unaware the New Order is rapidly expanding. Volunteers are coming out of the deep, with names like Independence Day, Gallente Citizen I, Xarayac quiffin, First Gallente Citizen, Ivellious Gray, Taylor Corveau, and Momiji Tetsuyo. Hello friends, and welcome back to Highsec.

***

Khartausu let Michi excavate his brain. Ulianov and mat Otsito put him down.

***

Overheard in Teamspeak

“I’m humbled to be in the presence of Princess Aiko.”

“You fucking should be! Princess Aiko is the dark queen, an evil witch. People think she is the devil incarnate. They vow to hunt her down. They want to destroy her. She will destroy them. They say she is a monster. She will kill you and bathe in your skill points. I wanted to strangle and rape her, but she’s actually quite personable. The things she has done, I have read about them, it is brilliant. Those people are fucked. People want to kill Aiko, I wanted to kill Aiko, but I heard her talk and there is nothing in her voice that makes me want to kill her. I like her. She’s a terrorist, but a good woman. I used to hate CODE. Fucking HATE CODE. However, I realize now, they are teaching basic game mechanics to people who will never contribute to the game unless CODE. steps in to teach them a lesson. A harsh lesson, but a lesson they need to learn. It’s a basic service. She should be paid by CCP. I do not understand this whiteknight antiganker community. Astevon? He makes my hairs stand on end. He’s in a real-life cult, in real-life! People go grr goons grr, but why? If you don’t want to get ganked, fuck off and do better. If you are not willing to learn, to observe, then you have no place here. EVE is not a place for you. I hated CODE. so much, they ganked me, but then I realized they are funny. I moved into a wormhole. I close all the exits. I am a PvP God, but I don’t want CODE. to find my hole. Do you know how many bots CODE. uncovers? I hate EVE. I hate it so much. It ruined every other game for me. No other game has this. Aiko plays a triple game in one game. Aiko plays EVE like Magic the Gathering. Aiko is the ultimate thot, she has so many simps. You are talking to the Princess of Highsec? You are in way over your head. Most people think Aiko must be James, they cannot handle the truth. Imagine being trounced by a woman. It is such a blow to a man’s pride. We are all here today because of the spider queen. Her web is strong, very strong. Bow down to her!”

Kage Rage, Part 8

Kage Rage, Part 1

Listening to: Tech House Mix

My dear sister and esteemed colleague Alt00 painted another beautiful portrait, inspiring me to continue migrating the MinerBumping artwork. If it’s been awhile since you checked out our elite CODE. Art, come check out the gallery!

Previously on James315.Space… kage1982 was not at all salty as he counted to 100 over and over, but he was clearly ‘griefing’ the CODE. agents of Isanamo, who winced as they were forced to repeatedly clean up kage’s debris.

kage1982 > do you know how to stop crying?#i bet when code players go to bed they check under it for kage before they sleep he he

Woosh!

My big Your Awesum Brutha has an interesting theory. What if kage actually is upset about all those ships he lost. Is kage too stupid to know his own mind?

Our agents pride themselves on being open-minded, reflecting carefully upon their own moral shortcomings. My Your Awesume Brutha was tormented by the accusation that he might be a real-life pedophile. He thought for a long time, searching deep inside himself for the remote possibility that kage might actually be right. Ultimately, after a thorough psychoanalysis, he concluded that it just isn’t feasible.

When kage contacted his local police department, they confirmed that the CODE. only bumps miners (that’s spelled with an E).

Perhaps kage was transposing his own flaws unto my Brutha?

kage1982 > her ass is the size of frieghter no doubt
Whadda Badasaz > You know Aiko is a 14 year old child in real life, right?
Aiko Danuja > he isn’t salty though
kage1982 > Aiko Danuja like the inside of your mouth for ten dollars

kage1982 > Aiko Danuja hey dont talk with your mouth full that guys paying them 10 bucks cheeky maire
Aiko Danuja > What do you mean, my mouth isn’t full ??
kage1982 > awww kid , does daddy call it something else 🙂

kage twisted the facts and reflected everything back on my Brutha.

He became obsessed with both Ernst Steinitz and especially my Brutha. kage can’t stop their ganks, but he really likes to watch.

YIKES

kage is jealous of their relationship. He can tell, from her grace and charm, that Aiko is a real-life teenage princess — but he doubts Ernst.

Inevitably, the other miners became tired of kage’s prattle.

kage enjoys attempting to follow CODE. fleets, often warping to the wrong belt, and the miners have concluded he must be an incompetent CODE. scout. Sometimes he arrives long after the gank is over. Why is he even there? Perhaps he is an elite CODE. supervisor, verifying another successful gank?

They began to dock up whenever they saw kage.

My Brutha sought to reassure the confused miners.

Ernst was worried about kage’s mental state, urging him to stop failing daily.

However, kage still isn’t upset.

When my Brutha’s hot Austrian girlfriend came over to watch Netflix and chill, his character stayed logged in. kage sat outside feeling lonely.

A few days later, Ernst and my Brutha discussed the situation.

One thing is clear, the CODE. has truly affected the culture of EVE, as miners know and understand that ‘miner’ is an insult. Indeed, mission accomplished.

kage eventually had a big announcement. He is a professional CODE. hunter.

He even led a three man taskforce to take down Ernst.

Quint is a highroller with a couple dollars in his pocket, and a desperately autistic desire to have someone notice him. Initially, he wanted to fund ‘bounties’ against some random corporation that dunked his mining ship.

However, Quint soon realized who the real celebrities are.

So Quint picked a more exciting obsession.

It was an exciting opportunity for kage.

To be continued…

Keep on rising
Keep on rising
Keep on rising
Yep yep yep
Keep on rising
Keep on rising
Keep on rising
I’m winning
Yep yep yep
I knew from the start
That I had to come back again
Purple dots, flashing lights
I know I can count on you
I want to see you tear it up
No matter where you are
Here I am once again
I feel like I am trying
So make your move
Step across the line
Keep the frequency
Keep it coming
Keep control
Bring it back
Panic
Panic
Panic
Just don’t stop
I wanna take you on
I feel so freaky good
The galaxy is mine
Panic panic
Panic panic
Panic panic
My house
I can say
I can say
I can say
Put it all on the tab
The galaxy is mine
Here I go

The Reclaiming of Nalvula

Listening to: The Best Songs of the ’50s

People are starting to talk, and they really aren’t sure what they are talking about. What is even happening? What do the oracles forebode?

What if James 315 were God, and decided to become the Highsec Goddess?

When exactly did Aiko turn blue?

Is she James, or did Aiko KILL James (and his little dog too)?

Yes, James 315 still technically logs in, but who is that?

Sometimes, reading the blog, I felt like James was speaking directly to me. It was like he untied me, forced me to log in, and then we drank wine. I really hated Conoban, but he insisted the game would get better if the Old Guard was born again.

Princess Aiko appeared mysteriously one rainy Saturday, with smooth black hair, and she didn’t really do anything for a long time. The Imperial Guards have a glorious heritage, but is it true they owned Halaima and subsequently transferred the claim to James — that’s the truth, isn’t it? James was bumping to impress a girl.

She seems cute enough. If only she could lose a little weight, pull that hair back into a ponytail, and remember her password. Surely she hasn’t been a World of Warcraft elf all this time? Although, that would explain why 315, Siegfried, Loyal, and Globby haven’t been undocking… One means to test a hypothesis is to examine the evidence and carefully consider the facts. For example, if there is some intimate connection between Princess Aiko and James 315, then surely we would notice similarities — right?

Hmm. Now then, we all know that James was always (get it?) a man of his word, honest and straight-forward. Recently, Princess Aiko gave a hypnotic speech which left everyone shaking their heads in wonder and amazement.

The New Order of Highsec has always been about Highsec. It’s a dogmatic canon that even bot aspirant gankbears can mimic with mundane repetition. However, groups such as the elite New Order Outreach Division, the Amamake Police, Warlords of the Deep, Wild Geese, Pen Is Out, the Wormhole Society, Rote Kapelle, Hard Knocks, No Forks Given, Wingspan, Did he say jump, the Kings (and queen) of Lamaa, the Tactical Narcotics Team, and the glorious Goryn Clade contain an identical alt chain of real-life friends. They aren’t just blues. They are the exact same people, dancing in a circle around Highsec, dunking on crabby miners and endlessly flirting with their Saviourette.

Once a year we all go on a ski trip to Ice Mountain. Indeed, have we not seen New Order fleets arrive suddenly in the depths of utter darkness, extirpating unto the renters? That’s right. James and Aiko created powerful friends beyond Highsec, and the CODE. is truly invincible, which is bad news for intergalactic minery.

James is neither dead, nor gone. He’s on his main, and a lot of alts.

Woah. Look at that outrageous bounty, all for one lucky lady. With the appearance of our Triglavian allies, many anticipate that the Jamespocalypse will summon a red doughnut, which will permanently extirpate the mining caste. Everything we thought we knew about the CODE. is changing, because as Princess Aiko vows to burn all of Highsec, her hand points south through Uedama to the bloody depths of the Period. Indeed, did James not lay out the route for all to see ? Didn’t he make this the focus of the longest MinerBumping series ever written, warning continuously about the Pretender, and proclaiming to the galaxy that his little Princess is commanding an invisible armada?

So is this just bluster? If Aiko is a true princess, she would not tease the galaxy by casting her gaze upon lowsec, whilst casually stepping on hapless Ventures in Isanamo — would she? The nice thing about CONCORD timers is they give you time to type. She types fast, as does James. It just so happens. that the mighty CODE. alliance recently acquired three (3) Fortizars in Lonetrek, that’s lowNULLSEC Lonetrek. These fully fitted Fortizars were free, because Highsec mining corporations are run by morons.

It is known.  

With just eight words, Aiko brought Maldavius from “definitely not” to “now it makes sense”. Is it true? Does the CODE. alliance have powerful friends? Verily, our alts in exile say unto one another, “We have a powerful friend in Hek.”

To be continued…

 

Rejoice, For James Is Everywhere

 

Seek Him, and He Will Find You!

 

Full Faith or No Faith

 

Well, I come from a place called Agil
With a glossy submachine gun
And I’m bound to save the Delve
My own true love for to see
It did rain all night the day I left
The weather was bone dry
The sun was so hot I froze myself
Miner, you just go on and cry
I said, oh, Miner
Now, you just cry for me
As I come from red Agil
With this Khanid submachine gun
Well, I had myself a dream the other night
When everything was still
I dreamed that I saw my man James
He was coming around the hill
Now, the buckwheat grass was in his mouth
A gleam was in his eye
I said, that I come from Nohshayess
Miner, you should break down and cry
I said, oh, Miner
Now, you should cry for me
‘Cause I come from Agil Three
With my trusty submachine gun 

Photo courtesy of James 315, aka Katia Sae

Rudokop Forever, Part 5

Rudokop Forever, Part 1

Listening to: Trippy Minimal Beats

Previously on James315.Space…Adrian Vexier was turned on by the Whore of James, rededicating his immortal soul to helping bot aspirant miners. He stopped antiganking and became a New Order social worker. Meanwhile, Rudokop Forever was in a Soviet gulag, and concluded that Adrian is a “damn demon”.

Losing his mining drones posed a serious existential crisis for the Highsec miner. If Adrian possessed the magical ability to make drones disappear, what other dark powers lurked in the creepy expanse? Rudokop felt that spooky space people were watching him, following him, haunting him. Rudokop was starting to realize.

THEY WERE HUNTING HIM

Adrian tried to help Rudokop calm down. Was it working?

When Rudokop began speaking in demonic tongues, he knew Adrian Vexier was to blame for his financial terrors. How could he get easy AFK isk, when evil monsters were lurking in local? Rudokop concluded that the best solution was to lock his nemesis inside one of those Saw movies. What if Adrian had to quickly steal 150 augmented drones, before his face dissolved in a vat of acid? The clock was ticking, and Rudokop simply needed to figure out a way to make this dream a reality.

The diplomatic negotiations were at an impasse.

Rudokop decided it was time to up the ante.

Eureka! Rudokop suddenly thought of a cunning plan…

To be continued…

Aw no, he’s better than good
I got a story to tell
The boy’s got a rare ability
He’s a damn thief
Can’t ignore him
He’s a liability
Freestyling, let’s do it
Once again with the ill behavior
The stars are falling
Miners are such easy prey
ROT ROT ROT
ROT IN HELL
Bwahahahaha
Danger danger
You’re in danger
Picture danger
Danger squared
Danger
Danger
Danger
Danger
Danger
The future is your time
We wait
Every day
Every night
Twenty Four Seven
Three One Five

BONUS: Some goofus bears claim that we are here to grief new players and extort them into hating EVE and never logging in again. Actually, we just want them to stop mining. Mad Hatter Wins got wrecked in Isanamo, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying EVE. In fact, it only made him want to join the winning team.

 

 

 

The Best Revenge, Part 83

The Best Revenge, Part 1

Listening to (while dunking Ventures): Spartaque

Previously on James315.Space… The new Goonswarm emperor in training is quantum, aka Aiva Naali, aka 140, aka Fighter Jets GuitarSolo, aka anaCheeya ANARKY, who decided one day to demand a situation report from Fleet Command.

Fortunately, his martial instincts enable him to grasp the situation before his Lieutenants can even respond. Our Goonfuehrer grasps the galactic battlefield with what the Emperor Napoleon described as the ‘coup d’oeil’ or ‘stroke of the eye’. With a mere glance into space, he can readily surmise the optimal strategy.

James was always a simple man, and he often railed against the so-called N+1 problem. However, Agent Anvil understands that you can always +1 to infinity, which means that an n+! approach will inevitably one-up your opponent. It is a doctrine of sheer brilliance, and sometimes brute force is what we need. He also issued a spur of the moment doctrine update, with an inspiring speech. Sun Tzu couldn’t have said it better.

Unfortunately, the High Command struggled to keep up with this voluminous content, and let me tell you from experience — running a galactic space empire is a lot of work! When 315 aka Tweeps aka Loyalanon aka Kalloornded aka Globby aka Chribba came into Teamspeak and offered to sell me the mighty CODE. alliance, provided I agree to write the blog and promptly transfer the $23,500 I got from Kelroth, I thought it sounded great. Like all that good karma was finally catching up to me.

However, sometimes I wish I bought more space shoes.

Quantum was no mere puppet, and he casually let the Goon Navy know his supper weapons were built with hidden mechanics. If they were ever misapplied or turned against the ‘lil bullet, hellfire would rain down upon Fortress Delve.

Hours turned into days, as Princess Aiko composed the final draft.

Good news! The elite strikeforce Wolf Squadron was still able to muster nearly 96 combat ready vessels, penetrating deep behind enemy lines in heroic suicide attacks. Meanwhile, only a quarter of the fleet had been lost to theft, defection, and outright incompetence. It was, as they say, “within parameters”. There was only one concern, the Wolves wanted to swap out their cloaks and upgrade to maximum fighting fits. With an imperious tone, the Kingpin waved his hand and unleashed the Wolves!

Quantum still needed reports from Lanceing Team, Main Fleet, and the Venerated Old Guard League of Spooky Cap Hunters.

To be continued…

Do Your Own Thing

On Your Own Terms

Follow Your Curiosity

Get What You Came For

There Are No Constraints

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Kill

Welcome to EVE!

Kills of Last Week

Kills of the Week Before

Listening to: 
Peaceful and Relaxing Gank Music

What day is it? Oh man, what a kerfluffle. What is a girl to do?

Calm down, I got this.

EARLY BONUS: If you read all the way to the bottom, sometimes you find a little something extra for the faithful. I better put it at the top, in case you have the ADHD. Check out this tight video by Zaenis Desef and watch twitch.tv/zaenisdesef

CODE. is FOREVER

That’s right, I can turn images into hyperlinks! Dayum, that’s the best EVE trailer ever, except for one I’ll link another day. Now here are some bears that got wrecked between August 23 @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 29 @ 23:59 EVEtime.

***

Eyar02 was a good for nothing thief, but elite New Order agents brought him to justice. Back when I dunked Pranav Singh‘s orca, I just knew that he was gonna be inspired to start ganking. I guess that’s why they call me the Highsec Goddess. Pranav wanted Eyar dead, and accompanied my alts Aiko Danuja, Shilliam Watner, Minx Mattel, Shadow Fireball, Ariarno, Butter Button, and don’t forget Hide Yo Freighters!

Pranav knows what a big deal I am, and politely asked me to blog his own content. If you are into bubble blobs, I guess you might find this video interesting, but where is CONCORD? I don’t know, but Pranav has a great life story.

[ 2019.08.13 02:31:59 ]

AGBee 001 > !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 注意力惊慌失措的恐怖分子矿工：我们准备使用武力。 Highsec人民解放援助小组正在这里恢复 James 315的 和谐。!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Attention deranged terrorist miners: we are prepared to use force. The Highsec People’s Liberation Army Assistance Group is here to restore James 315’s harmony.!!!!!! !!!!! !!!! !!! !!+
Aiko Danuja > This is your final warning!
Whadda Badasaz > GLORY TO THE OLD GUARD!
Aiko Danuja > Pranav Singh You have been convicted as a member of Strategic Exploration and Development Corp
Viktor Rahl > that’s what you get for acting the mickey
Aiko Danuja > Praise James \o/

 You’re welcome!

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Khaleeci Ve traded away her dragons, and was promptly obliterated by Ernst Steinitz. How did he know she had ORE miners? The best part of the story is that she immediately biomassed. A lot of people have flagged this kill as an example of real money trading, and it certainly is. CCP thanks Khaleeci for her mining service.

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RosefinchS spent a lot of money on her Golem. I have no idea why it was so expensive, CCP must be scamming these miners. Fortunately, Alleil Pollard, Gallente Ambrye, Shadow Cyrilus, and MrDiao helped me take out the trash.

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Coreleon was operating with an EDENCOM fleet, in direct violation of the Halaima Halama. What was he thinking? When a New Order fleet warped in, composed of elite CODE. agents and their Triglavian Initiative allies, Coreleon panicked. He deliberately tried to repair our scout. That’s illegal in my Highsec! I guess CONCORD just doesn’t like these bot aspirant miners. When we noticed that Knowledgeminer was in the fleet, we came back and dunked him too.

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Knowledgeminer isn’t the only antiganking goofus to fail daily. His little dog Kippy Kipster uses the exact same fit as Knowledgeminer, and she dared to try and protect Isanamo’s 1 day old bot Ventures. Kippy vanished after her location was triangulated by the New Eden Institute of Applied Mathematics. I’ve heard a lot of insults leveled at our agents, but “dumb and uneducated” isn’t one of them. Most of us are tenured professors, and we like to gank during office hours. I have a meeting. Read Chapter 2.

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Trade Chee wanted to be a nullsec nomad, but got a reality check when he was wrecked by Charlotte Rackner, Yan Rackner, and Kimberly Rackner.

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Den Talidar thought we are afraid to leave Highsec, but he was dead wrong. Sometimes we like to relax and have a good time. Autumn Schereau was accompanied by Liam Shotson and Lynx Trild. Here’s a hint: stay cloaked.

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ronnie ballz is just another wierdo who replaced his brain with implants. They didn’t seem to help him much. I’d screenshot the implants, but trust me, they aren’t worth it. Ernst Steinitz didn’t even bother to scoop the frozen biomass.

 

Table of Contents: August 2020

July 2020
September 2020