The AWOX Files

Everybody knows the story.

Awox the awoxer, who awoxed his friends and family.

It sounds legit.

We’ve heard the story many times.

However, Awox always told a different tale…

He wasn’t an awoxer at all!

We brought him in for a quick interview.

This led to a surprising revelation.

I introduce to you, Awox the friendly carebear.

He couldn’t awox a fly.

He thinks awoxing is toxic.

The true story, according to Awox, is that the Mittani is a pedo.

Awox’s name is a tribute to his former employer’s beloved grandmother.

The goons invented griefplay to impugn her memory.

What a nice guy!

Awox prefers that people use my name, Aiko.

He’s also a fan!

…and now you know, the rest of the story.

=AFTERWORD=

Highsec Rap Battle

Listening to: Booty Bomb

We’ve been keeping it real up in here, up in here.

Lightbulb was crying all to himself in local.

So we invited him to the RAP BATTLE.

He got on stage to introduce himself.

His rap started slow…

…gradually he began to vibe…

…then he dropped the bomb!

AMAZING!

Can I get a round #2 up in here?

Awwwwww yeeeeh… (only thing I eat are… ohhhhhhh)

What a guy.

Sad!

He was a real griefer.

Amazing stuff.

\o/

Let’s hear it for: LIGHTBULB GANNNNNNNNNNNNJA

I’m glad he had fun.

*cue house lights*

=AFTERPARTY=

I just needed my isk back!

I’m just glad I could help.

Stay positive!

Elon Miner Musk

The New Order helps a lot of miners.

SpaceX newbie mining corp CEO Elon is a typical pleb.

Even he knows how to butter my bread.

Meanwhile, in EvE Online…

…Elon’s fellow miners continue to cry.

It’s kinda funny.

That does look familiar…

Elon, we are here when you are ready.

No miner left behind!

SpaceX is the Absolute Order of our era.

What fun!

Meanwhile, in New York’s 1st Judicial District.

Thanks for the free PLEX Elon!

Maybe Elon just met his next ex-wife?

Not A Miners

EvE Online has a lot of miners.

Many miners roleplay as not a miners.

They claim they don’t mine.

This is a lie.

They are probably mining right now.

Never trust a miner.

All miners fly mining ships.

If they are a miner, they are mining.

I don’t think I like miners.

Maybe we should kill all the miners?

That would be for the best.

Believe it or not…

…but they are all miners.

Every single one of them.

SuperDildo

Listening to: Infamous

Trigger Warning: Actual gameplay in EvE Online!

SuperDildo is an antiganker.

Like all antigankers, he is racist, sexist, homophobic, and stupid.

After several humiliating losses, SuperDildo wanted to chat.

He had a lot to say.

This went well.

I just want three men and a Lambo.

A hooby like me needs it bad.

He (or she?) started getting all excited.

Russian men go crazy for a distracting circle jerk.

Afterward, I helped him relax.

I’m glad he had fun!

It’s nice to have new friends.

What a wholesome game!

CCP takes this all very very seriously.

Muffy, call me!

Breaking NEWS

Listening to: Satyagraha

It finally happened.

Calm down miner is official.

Like it or not, but I’ve made EvE history.

Hrothbear was the first of many. A funny story about that… He was so desperate to pad his killboard, vowing to NOT SPEAK to anyone who linked the killmail on Zkill. Naturally, Sargon did it about a minute later, leading Saltgar to cry, running away from a chorus of “Calm down miner.” Now, years later, he can relive the experience!

Meanwhile, darkolus has begun his own descent into madness.

Ganked by Nazes, he vowed revenge.

darkolus > No, I’m just going to ruin the channel
Aiko Danuja > doubt
John Steelmerc > the only things miners ruin are our precious natural veldspar belts
Aaaarrgg > darkolus please dont mess up the channel with your miner salt, thats not our thing
Aiko Danuja > Kill: Phat Phil (Griffin)
Aiko Danuja > Kill: rajehem (Obelisk)
darkolus > you’re just ruining this game…
Dave Gates > darkolus ur face is ruining this channel now take a hike already. they’re creating content. if you don’t like it then leave like a sour puss & GTFO
darkolus > No… i won’t… my face gonna keep ruinning this channel…

He is a dark ugly little man…

With broken sentence fragments, he sought revenge.

He even invented a slogan…

…and a business plan!

My channel was ruined by bad grammar and incoherent phrases.

He griefed on me hard.

…but why was he griefing me?

What a crazy miner!

Cheerzah!