March 2021 – Page 3 – ‎James 315 Space

True Love, Part 2

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Jonathan found a new lady friend.

Like any self-respecting woman, Alt expected him to satisfy her.

He was a simp, but also a poor.

Alt was sorely disappointed, expressing her true feelings.

Jon was desperate to please her.

Later, he discussed the relationship with his mining bros.

He decided to show Alt that he was serious.

However, she was not impressed.

Jon needed to do more.

She demanded respect.

He was frustrated, and she was unsympathetic.

How could Jon earn her favour?

He knew what to do.

Would it work?

Alt took the money, and donated it to charity.

Jon was bankrupt, and resorted to sending love letters.

It wasn’t meant to be.

He decided to explore other opportunities.

True Love

Jonathan knows that angels are real.

Like most miners, he suffers from Dunning-Kruger syndrome.

Jon is an IRL space peasant, with low life expectancy.

Believe it or not, there are more important things than sex.

Miners need to pay rent, taxes, penalties, surcharges, and protection fees.

Jon was glad his spaceship exploded. Now he had a reason to go shopping.

Meanwhile, other miners wandered through my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

Jon began to understand the nature of industrialized griefing.

He thus felt a desire to help, but had little to offer.

He was in love, and struggled with spelling.

To be continued…

BONUS CONTENT

Watch Foo-Foo the Snoo!

This salty miner has several outbursts. Someone is MAD (and AFK)!

Be sure to subscribe!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

He claims to be a noob, but we know the truth!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

Don’t be a poor

I honestly can’t imagine being a poor.

Why would anyone want to grind?

Indeed.

We sure love to help these newbros.

That’s right.

We are not ashamed.

Zaenis was recently asked if I’m his IRL wife…

Hah!

I guess I’m doing ok.

We’ve been helping all the bears.

No miner left behind!

This never gets old!

We’ve had a lot of practice…

…and we are really good at what we do.

I love it!

So I’m just gonna keep coming.

You will know my name.

I’m a total diva.

I’ve also got a killer crew.

You just can’t stop us.

Don’t even try to extort me!

I’ll make you cry.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #226

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #225

If you need isk, just ask a miner!

I’ve heard that Russians have the best insults!

IT LOOKS LIKE A FREAK AND YOU JUST GET BETTER!

When did the internet reach Anatolia?

FUCK MOM

Krig is still getting fanmail from that cursing Rattlesnake.

Be well!

Calm down miner!

Hahaha!

Today is the day!

What?

The MAFIA TRIBUNAL is coming for me!

LoL @ Khromius, if you are reading this, let’s just be friends!

I just keep winning, daily!

I miss you James!

I love the CODE. and I’m glad I moved it to Safety.

Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little ~~kittens~~ Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.

Stick in Space

Minastlya lost a battleship, in outer space.

His philosophy was simple. Losing is winning.

However, an investigation revealed extenuating circumstances.

Minastlya was sorely distracted.

He was responsible for his own fate.

He enjoys losing.

Gross!

Haha.

You boys need to calm down.

Eyeroll.

The Curse

In EVE Online, you can be anything you want.

For example, I’m a real-life Princess in outer space.

Yiole had a special offer for me.

Everyone in my Why Was I Ganked? channel was cursed!

Yiolo wrote down everyone’s name…

…for a serious space curse.

Names are powerful things.

She didn’t mind sharing her vast knowledge of cursedom.

In EVE, everything is fairplay, even black magicks are allowed.

This was a classic voodoo extortion scheme.

However…

… there is a way to lift the curse…

…for a price.

Yiole presented compelling testimonials of her previous work.

It was time to pay.

There was just one small problem.

I’m immune to curses!

BONUS VIDEO

Watch this miner send me money!

fuckfuckfuck

Miners use such awful language.

They are also bad at contractions.

They are so rude!

I’m not sure what they truly want.

Do you know what I want?

I want them to be fiscally responsible.

Furthermore…

I want the miners to be happy.

I want us to be like one big family.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Why can’t we all just get along?

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.